My Promise

My husband and I have finally agreed to do counseling. Since I last posted he's gone a month without a swing, which is amazing! I told him how excited I am for but that we know one will come again eventually, but that they are coming much farther apart is a good sign. He admitted he's doing better at work; he feels it's because since we've been married, he's become less stressed and knows that I am always there, no matter how his swing may be.

All seems well, until I learned a hard lesson: Just because he's handling all of real life better doesn't mean he's ready for all of it... We got into an argument about helping around the house, and it seemed like a normal couples quarrel until it lasted too long and I couldn't get him to come to a deal about sharing work, he just wanted to to it all, right now- everything had become an extreme. I knew then that he was not in a swing, it was a manic.

It lasted for hours, and he wouldn't let me touch him, or be nice to him. He was convinced I was planning on hurting him. He was shaking and talked about how his first fiancé was so cruel to his feelings- they fell in love in high school and then she turned into a hardcore feminist in college while he was in the marines. And as many know, those two types tend to clash. He didn’t understand why she wanted to stay together yet insulted him every chance she got.

A lot came out and I begged him not to leave the house- I told him I could rub his back for him or that he could just sit- I could stay on my side of the bed and be a good listener, and so he stayed. Many times he tried to leave convinced I was trying to trick him into something, but I had an angel with me I'm sure.

He laid down on the bed eventually but still wouldn't let me touch him, but we talked and he started to relax, and then I prayed. I closed my eyes and I prayed that God would give me just one break into where my sweetheart’s mind was being overwhelmed- and it then it happened...

Without warning, he jumped up out of the bed, pulled off his shirt and said, "I thought you were gonna give me a back rub?", and smiled lovingly at me! HE WAS BACK!! It was over- I started shaking and said “YES, Of course!”

He plopped back down on the bed nest to me as the careless lovers we usually are, and once again I was “allowed” to touch him. He put the pillow under his chin and said, "I love you baby".

I don't think I have ever cried at the drop of a hat, but my joy was overflowing and I was so glad it was over. He held me so close, asked if I was okay, and concerned himself with making sure I was warm, as if nothing had happened.

The next day in the shower he admitted he remembered some things and was repeatedly sorry. I told him that I was partly to blame cause I shouldn't have bickered with him for so long about the housework. We agreed about sharing duties and he hasn't had a swing or a manic since. He's on meds and he's extremely diligent about taking them, so I can honestly say that I need to not slack on my education. I know what sets him off and I felt just because he was swing free for so long that it was okay to be bossy, but I need to never forget, if I love my best friend and soul mate, I need to keep myself in check and honor the boundaries. His health not only depends on him, but it depends on me too.

It is a very scary time when the only person who ever understood you tells you he wants a divorce, and you know that if he leaves the house alone, he may not come out of the manic for days, everything seems so fragile. It truly was an act of God’s love that released him of his pain just as asked for it. Next time I need to not be so foolish, knowing I could have prevented what triggered the whole thing.

I guess my point is; BP is not just about self maintenance, it’s also about family support. So my hubby and I agreed that we need to counseling and learn what others know about how to handle things that we know we can't. We have always gotten through any swings, but manics are so emotionally exhausting for both of us, maybe counseling will give us better ways of handling things. So thoughtful and adoring, we share every thought- he’s so precious to me. I am very lucky he’s good about meds and agrees to learn more, he’s a great person that deserves love just as anyone else and it’s clear to me that even though my soul mate has something chronic, God knew I would be strong enough to stand my ground for our marriage, so that the love of my life can be just as safe and happy as the woman he adores.

Thank you for reading this and my hope is that this gives other families hope that even though manics or swings can be scary, love really can endure all. Your heart just has to stay true to the goal.

Use your resources, know your boundaries- And love unconditionally with patience. A long life of happiness and fulfillment is possible. You can do it- Don’t give up.

This too, is my promise.