Bipolar Support Group

I desperately need help....my life has been destroyed in a matter of days (now months). My husband is undiagnosed, unmedicated bipolar. I know the symptoms as I am bipolar II, medicated. We have had a rocky relationship, marked with a few sudden separations. I could not pinpoint him being bipolar, but I couldn't understand the love/hate thing he was doing.

We had a three month separation in June 07 due to physical abuse. We reconciled in Sept. 07, and the next 6 months were great. We even started a custody dispute to bring my 15 year old son home to live with us (he lives with his father - and is very unhappy). My husband was soooo supportive of this change, we used our tax check to retain an attorney for $5000.00. Two weeks into the custody change, my world started falling apart. I suspected he may be cheating. His personality was changing again..I began walking on eggshells. He started many fights. Then one day after terrorizing me about cutting off his financial support for weeks....he decided that we were over, he was letting the house go into foreclosure (we both work, he makes more)....and that we would both live in the house (to save money) until the bank took it. I begged him not to do this...he was a different person. His personality changed completely. He was HAPPY about his decision. He loved my son very much, but began to act as if he never knew him, or me. I couldn't take anymore an had to get an order of protection....he was acting too strangely and unstable. We went to court on the order of protection to extend it past 3 weeks, and he demanded the judge extend the order to the maximum time - 2 years!!! The judge was angry with the defiant attitude. I filed for divorce. He is out on his own, and won't tell anyone where he is. I am sure now that he has someone else, and it breaks my heart. How can he just stop caring about us in a few days?? We could be on the street, and he wouldn't help us. I have never behaved like this in my bipolarism. I may now lose my joint custody of my son due to my first husband filing retaliatory paperwork in court. I cannot afford the lawyer anymore. My life has been utterly destroyed by my husband's actions. I am still in our home (trying to sell it), and am trying to put together a plan for my son and I. How could he do this to us with no remorse? He sent a letter through his attorney wanting MORE stuff out of the house, after I gave him half of what we owned. I don't get that type of cruelty.

Dear Debra...let me say first that you are most welcome here. And I am glad you joined...we are here for you. Many people in this group have suffered at the hands of others...some are bipolar and some are not.

I don't get that type of cruelty either, honey. It just blows my mind that he can just change like that in a short time. All you can really do is try to get your world stable again. And concentrate on yourself and your child. Look at the good points like you have a job and are able to work.

I am afraid I don't have the answers for you on some of your questions. Maybe others do...it is hard to explain irrational behavior. Sometimes there is no explanation.

We are here for you...

Hi, Debra, welcome to the group, I am not a attorney, but there is another here that is, maybe she could give you some advice, in the mean time, set up what you can for plans on where your son and you are going to go, the house can always be sold without you living there, go to legal aid and see what they can offer as far as a attorney to represent you.. since you have been a battered woman there is also the battered womens advocate you can contact. Please do not ever let him get near enough to ever abuse you again, there are not many things that I take a hard stance on, but abuse is one of them, I am a survivor.. continue to see your therapist, and take your meds, you will find a way to get through this, I am sure.

For me, it helps if I list out what I need to do and then in my mind, just attack it. My husband pulled this kind of stuff only a few months ago...leaving and not telling anyone, wanting to sell the house, divorce, and I AM THE BIPOLAR! When he left and wouldn't contact me, I felt like i was going crazy, then i got mad. I changed the locks at the house, transfered all funds out of the bank account into my own account, and then let his family what was going on. I stayed angry probably still to this day and we are back living together. Do what is right for you and your kiddo. My daughter gave me the drive to get up every morning, even on those really hard ones. This is my second marriage and I found out a long time ago when I divorced my first husband that divorce won't kill me and it may just open up some doors you didn't know was there.

Carmen is right, so is everyone else. My first husband was bipolar and a sociopath. He was trouble. He would beat me and do horrible things like invite his friends over to have sex with me. Of course I wouldn't EVER do something like that but he would actually CALL THEM! And I was pregnant with his child!! The guy was a monster.

When I left him I was 17, with a new baby, no money and no education. He made the money. He had everything, I had nothing. (Looking back - that is just what he wanted - control) He cheated on me. Oh the list is endless. When I left, I left. Took the baby, a bag of clothes for her and for me - got into the police car and drove off. I went to a battered women's shelter. I was there for a month until I got on my feet. It was the best thing I ever did.

It wasn't easy.

Would it be at all possible to talk to your son's father? Let him know that you and your husband aren't together anymore? I am sure you are talking to your son and he knows what is going on. This isn't your fault. But I can tell you from personal experience that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but you will get through this. Weaker women then you have walked down this road.

A lot of people are losing their homes right now. Call the bank asap and try to work something out. They are starting up a lot of programs to help fix the credit crisis. Rent out a room. Put an ad in the paper. Don't worry about him being done with you - be done with him! Since his income isn't counted, you should be able to get legal aid - if there is a college nearby with a law school they also have teams that do it for free.

When I left I ended up with two full time jobs and went to college full time. I wasn't playing around with my daughter's future. I was never going to be dependant on anyone again - I learned my lesson. As dark as some days can be now - it was nothing like how bad it was then.

There have been times in my life when I was sure I couldn't make it and was a total wreck. Of course, This Too Shall Pass, doesn't occur to me then. It's in hindsight that I realize how many times I have had "the worst day of my life!"

I promise you that you are more amazing then you realize and that you will get through this and come out the other side better for it.

This is for bejeweled...WAY TO GO!!! You are an inspiration!!! thanks so much for sharing that with us...I am so glad you are here.

I went back to college also and divorced an abusive person...raised two kids as a single mother...my ex never gave a penny toward child support...and we had been married for 24 yrs...I have bipolar disease.

You can take care of your self and you child it is possible and makes you determine your own fate...that way you are not dependent on someone else's whims and moods...

I appreciate all the responses added to this series. There have been times of real teror and instability in me due to the situation. I had made the mistake of trying to contact him 4 weeks ago. I was in a weak moment. He let the call go to voicemail, then had his new attorney write my attorney to have me stop trying to contact him. That was a cruel and unnessary thing to do. Not as unnessary as my trying to contact him though. I have put our home on the market for a possible "short sale", so I may be able to salvage some of my credit rating. I also found an affordable apartment in a good location. I may sign the lease tomorrow for a July 1 start date. Mornings are still hard. I feel vunerable. His words and actions are fresh in my heart that early. I have trouble wanting to wake up (and face all the destruction). I may sleep in my son's room unti we move...I think it may help the morning agony.

Hey Debra...it takes a while to heal. Give yourself some time. Looks like you are making wise choices concerning your finances. We are here for you...if you want someone to visit with or share your day....

Debra- I don't know if it will help you but I have heard (I am sure Norma has too ) the saying that God won't give you more then you can handle in a given day. For a long time I asked "Why me?" And someone said to me one day, why NOT you? LOL. It is all in how you look at it. Everything makes more sense if you look at things upside down (or rightside up if you prefer.) No matter how bad and bleak things may seem to me on any given day, there are people out there that are far worse off then I am. People like your husband. People like memebers of some of the other boards in this site that have lost their children to cancer. People like you who are in the raw of the hurt still.

When I look at those things my problems seem not so bad. I can deal with it. The other thing that helps, and I swear on my life this is true...do something for someone else without them knowing. I put money in the baskets of homeless people's bikes or drop off cookies at the homeless shelter or donate clothes to the battered women's shelter. The important thing is, you can't tell anyone. It is your secret. Of course, I just blew my secret lol...but you get my point.

If life doesn't suck sometimes, how will we ever know when it's really good?

Could not have said it better myself, bejeweled.

You just gave her the secret...pass it forward.