VampiricAngel
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Well I slipped up again. After doing so well for so long. Well it couldn't last forever now could it. It was to good to be true my beautiful sunny days. This month was the month a year ago I was locked up for scuicide it may not mean much to all of you but to me it means a lot. It made me think about a lot of stuff. It brought back a lot of memories. It also made me think of how far I've come in a year. How much I've had to overcome in a year and still how far I have to go...still so very far. I had a little slip up and I hurt myself again...I got lost in my emotions I hurt so bad I tried so hard to fight it I tried so hard to stop it hours the pain consumed hours on end it seemed never ending...it seemed to never want to stop. I wanted to just go to sleep so bad but I couldn't thoughts just raced through my mind it felt like I couldn't breathe I tried calling a friend but no one picked up then I tried another the same then I tried another then I just gave up...so then I guess I gave in...it feels like the thunderstorms have rolled in and the dark is looming again...it's been this way for a few days...I was a walking zombie yesterday. I saw my therapist today and we talked about it and I finally opened up about some things and let it out it feels good to let it out finally it's taken me about 5 years to let some things go but I did...The storm isn't over I fear it never will truly be over but I know my sunny day will be back...it's waiting for me just over that hill...waiting for me to get up again and climb this wretched mountain and keep going...keep fighting...even though it hurts so bad...hurts so bad. I just have to keep going keep remembering to breathe keep going to school and keep fighting I can't give up no matter how badly I wish I could no matter how badly it hurts inside. I have to keep telling myself that. But It's so hard it gets harder to pick myself up each and everytime...theres only so many times I can do it by myself. I'm just waiting for and dreaming of my sunny day waiting for it to return. I know it will.  ~“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
~“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”
~ August Wilson quotes (American Writer, 1945-2005)
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