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ladymary
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hello everyone, Seeking some help from those who have more insight than me, I am married to a man who have symptoms of being bipolar, about a month ago, he was suspended from his job, which time I found out he was having an affair with his supervisor. Now, that has been confirmed, thing is he runs away, goes to his family state of Ohio, and havent called me, when I did finally get his new phone number, he goes and get it changed, now the affair is done with his supervisor, they both were fired, after investigation. Now, my husband, makes me so crazy, he will not call or nothing, and all of a sudden he will just show up. One minute, he cant leave with me, next he acts as if I am the worse wife in the world. I had suspected he was cheating, but he was so sweet on my birthday, but was acting strange, he didnt want to make love, like he was saving his love for another, and then, he goes out that next day, spends the whole weekend away, dont call, which on Monday, found out about the other woman, I approached her, she had been altering his pay, and threaten him that she wasnt going to give his pay, thing is he mentioned to me he wanted to quit this job, because of all the problem with the supervisor. Now, my thinking is that he is depressed, over me finding out, and dont know how to face me, or dont know what to say to me. My worry is why do they just disappear, and dont return calls, I dont understand, Can anyone give me some insight...Thanks. ladymary |
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red1965
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LadyMary, glad you joined us. We are here for each other through the good and the bad. You will find abundant support and wisdom here. I have attached an older thread that discusses the why do they run subject. Hopefully it will give you some insight. Just click on the blue thread at the bottom of the post. You are not alone, we are here for you. GOD BLESS RED http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums/
general-support/11016-why-do-bipolars-run-from-ones-they-
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norma
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Dear Ladymary, glad you joined the group. Is your husband diagnosed by a physician for bipolar disease? Is this the first time he has done this or has it happened in the past? It might be helpful if you get some counseling. If it looks like he is cheating on you and has abandoned you I would get an attorney get some legal advice. If you are married and your spouse goes into debt you are responsible for the debt as much as he. That is why I suggested the attorney. We are here for you....you take care of yourself. If he is bipolar it will be up to him to want to get help. You can try to help him but the bottom line is your well-being. Post edited by: norma, at: 05/10/2008 23:18 Post edited by: norma, at: 05/11/2008 00:54 "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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ladymary
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well, he hasnt been diagnosed by a doctor, but has been to the hospital on the mental ward, he was given Wellburton, but didnt get the prescription. He has left before, gone for a week or so, calls late at night, want to come home, he looked awful, smelled worse, but over time, he had start seeing his supervisor, which she was blackmailing him, and he wanted to leave, we had spoken about his leaving. But I found out, and he left, and I havent heared from him, I know he is depressed, and ashame, he always come back home. I know he does love me, just he doesnt make good decision, and because of that, we are having to deal with this. I would like to know, when he calls, as he has been calling, hanging up, When he finally gets the nerve, I need to know what would be the best way to handle the conversation. I do love my husband, and wants things to work out. We all make mistake, bipolar or not, I know he didnt mean to hurt me. I feel this in my heart, we shared so many wonderful times together. I see he needs medical help, and want to help him to get it. His family dont really understand what is going on with him, they treat him aloof, like he is out to take advantage of others, I now understand, this is not the case. He needs help, and I know he will return home, just dont know when. I dont see it as he abandoned me, he ran, because of things coming out, and he felt ashamed, guilty. I do appreciate your help, very grateful, I love him, and I want to help him, our marriage, he is very loving, when he is ok, and I know he loves me. He going through a new reality, and made a poor decision. This woman was overbearing to say the least, and had a history of manipulating the male staff on the job. Once I found that out from my husband, he was quitting the job. But I found out about their affair, and this he couldnt take, so he went back to OHio, to his family. I know if this wouldnt have came about, we would still be together. I dont believe he cheated because he wanted too, he wanted to keep his job, and had been absent due to his diabetics, supervisor, gave him an alternative, sexual favors, he didnt want to be without a job. With his illness, think he feared he wouldnt be able to get another. Please try to understand my points, he needs medical for bipolar, but I know he never meant to hurt me. I also know he will come home, when he is feeling better, and can face me. Appreciate your thoughts.. with how do I deal with conversation when he calls, and how do I behave, when he returns. Thank you. |
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bejeweled
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I think it is impossible to stay with someone or forgive someone UNLESS they have seen a doctor and been diagnosed. Then you know what you are dealing with. And there is no way I can or will stay with my partner if she isn't taking responsibilty for her illness. Taking her medications and seeing her therapists. Benjamin Franklin said it best, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I am almost sick of talking about MY drama. But feel free to read my posts. It has been just over a week and I have been all over the map. I am settled now, but only because she is handling HER business. I can't do that for her. Good luck. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA |
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ladymary
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Yes, and I do agree with your comments, When he returns, I will make it the point, that in order for us to continue, he would have to have medical help. He wasnt as bad before, as he is now, with the no contact things, which lets me know he has gotten worse. Therefore, I know in order for me to stay in this marriage, he has to get the neccessary help. He will have to do it for himself, but I am willing to stand with him to get it done. I love my husband, and not ready to throw it away, if it can be helped. I believe in my heart of hearts, he will seek treatment, I feel one of the reason I havent heared from him is guilt, and his being ashamed. I know he loves me, but things got out of his control, he made a bad choice. Not making excuses for his behavior, just saying I know he is regretful, he does love me. Thank you for your thoughts, greatly appreciated. |
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carmen33
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Hi, Ladymary, I am sorry you are having to go through this, I don't know that I could and still be able to want to stay in the marriage, insisting that he get help should be the first on a list of what he needs to show that he is willing to make this marriage work and that he is willing to do his part in keeping it.. please continue to post there are a lot of great people here that have or are where you are at now.
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wagst5
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Hello, Very sorry that you have to go through this.... How did his supervisor get away with all that? You said she has a history of manipulating male staff.... What she is doing is very much against the law. Anyone that has been sexually harassed has the right to report it, and the company has to protect them from any retaliation that may result from their allegations. I agree that in order for things to work, your husband has to make a commitment to his own well-being, and counseling and meds must be a part of it. If not, your life will continue on this roller coaster, which you will have no control over. There are many of here that can attest to that. I wish you the best  ~tracy |
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JeffDavis2134
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Hey LadyMary, It is truly a tough decision to leave or help a mate. My sister just went back to an abusive husband (wrongly so, I think). Sounds like this is the 1rst time and that a disorder could be the culprit. What are the symptoms he is displaying besides risky impulsive behavior like sex? You certainly need to know the difference between enabling and supporting. If he admits nothing, there is little you can do. If he admits a problem and comes to believe that there is a source of help available, then a decision can be made to pursue that source of help. More than likely therapy, medicine, and family education of whatever it is that he ends up being diagnosed with. The best thing I think you can do is to inform him that you still love him and are willing to support him if he acknowledges a problem and wishes to do something about it. You are willing to help him do so only if he starts on a course of action, not promises. Being firm with him is loving. It may be just the jolt he needs to convince him of the need to do something. Love you, Jeff (Jehovah's Witness) " Don't you see what this means? We live by each other... for each other. Alone we can do so little, TOGETHER we can do SO MUCH! This is my message of HOPE and INSPIRATION to all mankind. "
--(Helen Keller [blind and deaf as a toddler to one of the first women college graduates from a demanding college.] with the loving help of her teacher.) |
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ladymary
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well, Jeff, he had more lies, than before, spending buying things we didnt need, changing of the cell phone numbers, once I got the new numbers, which I felt was due to her checking his phone for calls, messages, etc.. He would also change his way of dressing, updating his style, also.we use to go out alot, to dinner, theatre, shopping, that also changed, when I got into the car, notice my seat was alway adjusted, when in the past it wasnt. I think he really didnt know how to handle things, they got out of hand, I knew he wanted to work, and didnt want to be unemployed, he had been unemployed for a while, I think it was like a rock and a hard place. Not knowing what to do..Right now, If I he would just call, this would make me so happy. Hope I have helped you. ty for your encouragement. In spite of it all, I still love my husband, and have faith things can work out. |
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