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kimminentdanger
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Gloria & Carmen - You were right.... you guys are soooo freaking smart!! Sorry I missed you last night, but I decided to have a margarita in an effort to calm myself (see pic) ha ha That's what i look like in the middle of a crisis. Thanks so much for your insight - i feel so lucky to have found you. |
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kimminentdanger
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So here's what happened.... Like I said, I had a couple of margaritas in an effort to calm down (probably not the smartest move I've ever made) then I cleaned up all the crap that I had pulled out earlier, DID give my dog a bath and wrote and wrote and wrote until eventually I was able to sleep (kind of! - got about 2 hours, which isn't that far off normal for me.) When I woke up, I still felt a little spun (but not nearly as much as last night - whew!) so I decided to take the advice I got from all you brilliant "veterans" and went to see my doc this morning... (her secretary was kinda bitchy and almost didn't give me the slot of time until I told her "Oh, okay - no problem... when they find my body at the base of a building downtown, please let Dr. Koranda know that it was YOU who prevented me from getting the help I was begging for, okay?" ha ha .... I said it so sweetly you guys... I thought she was going to swallow her tongue! LOL So anyway, she complied... "I suppose I can schedule an emergency visit" she said. What a hag... ) So I told Doc about last night's experience... she gave me psychobabble this and psychobabble that; blah blah blah. Then she said if it happens again, I should just realize what it is, accept it, and allow it to run its course. (Kind of like riding the wave Norma.... smartie pants. LOL) We DID discuss increasing my medication, but she doesn't want to bump me up just yet until she (and I) can get a feel for how I'm adjusting to it at this low dosage. AND she said that if she increases me too quickly, the chance that I'll get a nasty rash that can cause some kind of fatal syndrome will increase. But she DID prescribe a controlled release sleeping pill and said that it will put me out fast and it's time released TOO, so it will help me sleep longer. (Just like you predicted DreamChaser, you smartie you.)HERE'S THE FU*@ED UP THING: I told her about this site and the opinions/suggestions I received last night. She totally agreed with some things that were posted (Miss Gloria & Miss Carmen...how smart are YOU bitches? LOL) ; she said that relating my experiences & the experiences of others soooo intensely probably caused that weird clarity, and that means progress. BUT THEN SHE WENT KIND OF APESHIT and said she suggests that I do not involve myself with this type of support system because I can receive inaccurate information and she doesn't want me to blindly follow advice from people who are not "qualified" to give it. SO I TOLD HER that if it weren't for you fabulous ladies, I most likely wouldn't be standing in her office (perhaps I'd be waking up in some random casino next to some stranger, still half cocked and totally broke!) AND then I asked her "Wait....didn't you just AGREE with them not even 10 minutes ago?? Who could POSSIBLY be more "qualified" than the people who own this disorder, live with it and deal with it daily?" Then I told her that it's more about relating personal experiences & showing support than it is about giving medical direction (DUH!!!! - she's never seen a support forum before?) and that if she thought getting and giving support & making friends is a BAD idea, then she's a quack & can kindly go *BLEEP* herself. She laughed & then digressed - gave me her stamp of approval (like I needed it?) and scheduled a visit in 14 days to follow up. I felt vindicated in telling her my opinion  ... usually when it comes to docs, I just yes them to death and play the "good patient". Anyway; to all my earth angels(and devils...Miss Gloria the Invincible LOL  ) ; THANK YOU!!!! I feel much better today; I've taken it down about 5 or 6 notches and now I feel more of like a witty & silly zoom zoom than a head explosion zoom zoom. I'm glad u guys were here...(thanks for being there bejeweled  ) I cringe to think of what could have resulted from my blowout if you girls didn't have such great insight??? SO AGAIN; from the bottom of my nutty heart, I THANK YOU!!!!  |
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kimminentdanger
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Oh.... JUST A NOTE: To the wonderfully out of the box, insane and hysterical broad DeepHeartedSigh: Your PM was awesome! You always know what to say...
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bejeweled
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Kim I am so glad you went to the doctor. Shame on her for not loving this site. What is the difference between here and a face to face support group?? For all their education, doctors can be some of the stupidest people. Unless, of course, they agree with me in which case that makes them smarter. lol. At the rist of not making you laugh today here is a joke: What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? A blonde doing cartwheels And for the record I am blonde to all you brunettes that get offended on our behalf. Post edited by: bejeweled, at: 05/09/2008 11:37 Whether you think you will win or lose, either way you are right. |
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Deep_Hearted_Sigh
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bejeweled... HLMAO! That made my day! |
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Deep_Hearted_Sigh
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Thank you so much Kim I haven't been called a 'broad' in a long time...  I love G-L-O-R-I-A Glooooooooria (I CANNOT HELP MYSELF...that song has been stuck in my head since I met her, and she ripped me a new A-Hole, LOL but then I told her she was cool, and all is good!) |
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norma
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Doctors are human and that is why they call it medical pratice...get the pratice part??? ...and I am so glad you stood your ground...i love all of these gals and guys at the site. And am so glad you are feeling better today. We don't give medical advice but, we do share our experiences...and support each other toward being healthy mentally. Being isolated when we are feeling manic or depressed is horrible. Here there is going to be someone who can relate to what you are going through. And many times will encourage going to the emergency room or doctor in the event you need to...I am sure your doctor sees the wisdom in finding a support group....I loved your method of getting an appointment!!!! Good for you standing up for yourself. hugs to you Kim...and am glad you are feeling better. LOL I liked the blonde joke, bejeweled... "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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kimminentdanger
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LOL bejeweled... took me a second to "get it" (duh!) but when I did, I laughed and laughed!!! Thanks for that! The blonde should shave.... the carpets don't match the drapes, so she should just hack it off and go for the hardwoods instead! HA HA |
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DreamChaser
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bejeweled, LOL Kim, I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself, both with the secretary and the Dr. You have inspired me to stand up to my Dr about participation here. I'm very glad you are feeling better today. /hugs DC |
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geekGirl
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Hi Kim- Thanks for your message on my diary. I read your posts and I can totally empathize with you. I am BP I, and there are times when I am flying so high. The only thing is I used to use school to funnel it. Today I re-landscaped the backyard. I moved a ton (not literally) of slate rock, weeded a huge area and pulled out all the grass that shouldn't have been there, hand tilled the soil, went and bought a ton of plants and seeds and some soil, came home and planted everything but the seeds. I feel like going out and finishing the job. I imagine I might be out in the yard tonight with my headlamp on. I still have some grass to pull up in front of my door. I won't plant the seeds tonight, but I will probably pull the weeds and grass. So yeah, I understand. I got so depressed the other day that I told my bf I wanted to kill myself. I didn't mean it, but I felt it. He handles me very well. If I didn't have him I would be out being self-destructive like I get when I am single. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience, and giving yourself the chance to look at it to see the patterns. I think it is awesoe to write about this bipolar thing, but then again I am bipolar and would think that  A witty saying proves nothing...Voltaire |
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