scorpio05
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So I have always had what we call "The grass is greener" syndrome. I have a pattern of sabotaging my relationships...not typically strong enough to break things off myself...but get them to break up with me. Once they do then I am devastated and want them back. It's so twisted. I think maybe I am too idealistic or perhaps my changing modos just change my feelings, my level of physical and sexual attraction, and compatibility.I find it hard to determine whether my periods of wanting the relationship to end are my true feelings. Am I stayig in the realtionship because they have stood by me through all my emotional crap or because they accepted my "craziness," issues and emotional baggage? Does this perhaps guilt me into staying in the realtionship, feeling like I owe it to them for sticking by me? I know I become a bit too dependent on who I have a relationship with because they know my problems, and I can just be..no matter what mood...no pressure.When I am in my down states I shut others out, which makes them even more important in my life. I am just confused...obviously. If there is anyone who can realate to any of this let me know. Could this possibly be part of being BPII or am I just out of my mind? |
