why to they cheat?

i am just wondering if there is anyone out there who has experienced their bipolar spouse having an affair or close to it and how they handled the situation? also, if there is anyone who IS bipolar and has done this to their spouse, could you help me understand why and what was going through your mind when you were doing these things. my husband is starting to do this and says he doesn't know why, but that he doesn't love me anymore. also, he has no remorse for hurting me over and over again. is this something that can come along with being bipolar? also, when they/you started their/your meds did that change their/your need to turn to someone else, and were you remorseful for the things you had put your spouse through? PLEASE HELP-i am new to this and have to idea where to turn.

I don't think being bipolar has to do with adultery necessarily. Though, when someone is psychotic they often do things they wouldn't normally do. But when I have been psychotic, there is still a part of me that is true to who I am. I am an honest person who doesn't cheat. I find it more honorable to tell the truth. And in fact, I am often more honest when I have been psychotic, which hasn't always turned out for the best. So, to make a long answer shorter. No, cheating isn't a bipolar thing. Bipolar can intensify things in our personality that were already there. At least this is my opinion.

Most importantly though, it sounds like your allowing this person to treat you like dirt. I don't want to be harsh, but that is pathological. It might not be bipolar, but it's a lack of regard for the self. It's disrespect of the self, or self abuse. Please don't do that to yourself. Please don't allow this guy to waste any more of your precious time. Put the guy in the hospital if need be to keep him safe and then say goodbye.

Ones someone betrays your trust and love things will never be the same. Maybe things will work out down the road.

I think that your husband is a creepy womanizing fool who happens to be bipolar. But I doubt it's the bipolar per se.

You sound like a really caring, honest, kind hearted soul who deserves better than to be abused. As such, to be true and kind to yourself, don't indulge in the drama, and get away from this guy. The best of wishes,

J

There's something which we sometimes forget as we share in this forum. That is that we are all different each of us may be diagnosised with bipolar, but the severity differs in each of us. Some may be able to remain true for their whole lives, others may mentally cheat, others may have a fling or two, but there are those who do more than that. Each one is an individual. Their manic episodes vary.

I do not believe in disposing of people, but I do know we have to take care of ourselves. Self pontification never helps anyone so forgive me if I've strayed into that area in my earlier posts.

I hope you find the support and answers you need to make wise decisions for yourself and your loved ones.

God Bless,

msbimbo

Every bp is different, eventhough they have similarities.......good luck and God Bless

cozy1155

I know in my heart that I would never be unfaithful to my husband. But I worry that, in a manic state, I'll do something that will crush the both of us. The thing that keeps me in line is focusing on the issue when it's happening, and analyzing the situation. I know that the sexual urge is a product of mania. I also know that when I'm manic, a project (writing a song, organizing a closet, even playing tetris) is the best therapy for me.

I understand the lack of remorse. Personally, if I know I've done something that has hurt someone, I try to justify it so I won't have to deal with the guilt. But, I am always dealing with it, even if I'm not consciously aware.

That was more of a novel than a reply. Sorry.

Tonya

I recently got engaged and it was only one day after my fiancee and I found out that he was bipolor. A week before that he admited to me that he had cheated on me with 5 different people. I didnt know how to react I didnt know what to do speacially because of how religious he is. He ended up in the hospital a few days later after admiting that to me. I feel as if I am going through the same thing as you. I feel really confused and really hurt. I hope and pray to God that it is the bipolar illness that caused him to do all of this but we will never really know. He is taking medications right now and it has been really hard! I do know that they do feel remorse but they act like they did nothing wrong. I wonder if in there mind showing that they hurt is a sign of weakness. Someone did tell me that they would try to make us feel like we are the problem so if she is doing that just remember that she is trying to get you where it really hurts. They will try to belittle you and make you feel like crap. What you have to do if she is not on meds is be really stern with her and tell her that she needs to be a grown up and own up to the illness. Tell her that the illness has been controling her long enough and now its time to control the illness. Try to make sure you are serious and dont apologize for being stern. I really hope that you are ok and that this information helps you a little. Whatever you do please dont forget that you also deserve to be happy. Yeah we love our significant other till death but they have to take control of their illness and own up to it so everyone around them can be happier. If you want to talk and share stories I am here. Hope you have a great day and a blessed night!

I have to admit I have done this to my husband, more than once and lied when he found a receipt of a hotel room in my purse. I will tell you that once my medicines were working, I was remorseful and asked foregivness from him and God. I have not since then cheated and that was 6 years ago. I do go out maybe once every three months with my girlfriends and dance with other guys and flirt, but always come home to my husband. My husband does not like to dance and he has been with me when other guys will ask me to dance, it don't bother him now because he knows I am going home with him and the night will be fun when we get home

Lilly

Hope even though its not a good out look maybe you can get something I hate who I am most of the time but when im manic I am the best and thats when I cheat among other things and cant grasp what im doing to others till I crash and have lost everything then I find out the full effect but before I can fix it ive gone manis agian and mess it up i dont put everything on being bi polar but im on meds and I still go in to those moods

sorry

candice

Hope everything between you and son are ok. Suggest therpy for your son. You appear to have some issue with denial about your wife's return?

Your son should come first, before an anticipated return of mom.

Half measures avail us nothing and Rigourious Honesty on your part unfortunately is........ up to you.

I'm a recovering drunk so I'm sorry for my bluntness, but this was the only way I could stay sober and keep my sanity. Alcohol and drugs have always kept me blinded and in denial and I know now.. that's devine madness. Some call it insanity take your pick.

What's more important is your health and to be there for your son. You may need to admit to yourself she may not return..then what?

I hope you place your hope in something higher than your situation...in recovery we call that a... Higher Power. I would not be alive today if it had not been for a "Spiritual Awakening" in my life. My life is manageable now, is it perfect... no, but I am alive and you are too.

May you find yours today!