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10/06/2009 03:53 PM

family talking about ME behind my back....

katinhb
 
Posts: 33
Member

I am a little pissed off that my husband has been talking to my mom about my "issues". He said he did b/c he needs someone to talk to. I GET THAT! I'd prefer to talk to my mom about my DX but not all the problems I have. They talked about my mothering skills and how I get angry easily, etc.

Then my mom called and said that my sister in law mentioned it to her. I recently discuss this with SIL...she then talked to my mom about concerns she has with me, specifically about my driking. I know I drink too much, but for now, that's how I cope.

I'd prefer that they don't talk about me behind my back.

Thoughts? Should I be upset? I think I'm more hurt than mad that people have broken my confidence. Even thought I never said, "don't tell anyone".

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10/06/2009 04:08 PM
SiouxInMyBlood
SiouxInMyBlood  
Posts: 432
Member

I get ya. I tell my family that they focus on me and judging... They need to look in their own frickin mirrors. I once had a best friend of 20 years break a hugggggeeee confidence and our friendship is now nonexistent- we cannot do that to families though... we can definitely keep our distance somewhat though. You hubby should've found someone (heck anyone) else than YOUR mom to discuss this... Just my opinionSmile

10/06/2009 04:32 PM
steve571
steve571  
Posts: 2695
VIP Member

perhaps u should voice ur feelings about this to them all, perhaps at same time. what id do.

10/06/2009 05:46 PM
luvmy3boys
luvmy3boys  
Posts: 240
Member

I totally understand. I found out recently that people in my husband's family found out I was bipolar and it got back to a friend of mine who let me know.

I was very hurt that this happened and very angry knowing that now everyone knows. It was something that I didn't feel was anyone's business to know.

You will feel better if you address it with them. That's what I did, and although it doesn't make you forget what happened, it will help you move past it.


10/06/2009 06:45 PM
merryatl
merryatl  
Posts: 527
Member

I have definately heard my parents talking about me, and how im irresponsible, a bitch.. can't do things right.. blah blah blah. It would anger me to no end. I would want to get back at them. I just wish i hadn't of heard it at all. Of course, its something that you have to take personal. With that said, if you think about it, its unreasonable to expect them not to talk about us. It is hard for them to deal with it to. Sometimes they have to try and gain insight or perspective from other friends or family. I know i hate when my parents talk about me, but i know how hard it is for them to deal with. Let them know it bothers you, and that the last thing you need is to have your feelings hurt. Try to have them talk to you about it, and not someone else. Good luck Smile <3

10/07/2009 08:29 AM
katinhb
 
Posts: 33
Member

Thanks for the replies. I have talked to my husband about it. He feels there is nothing wrong with it. Says he had nobody else to talk to about it. He also told her he had one foot out the door. Now we are supposed to go visit my parents this weekend and I have more anxiety about seeing them than normal. I don't think he should have told her things that are between him and I.

I know they are concerned, but give me SOME privacy. I have been VERY open about being BP, but there are some things that need to be private. UGGH!!


10/07/2009 08:57 AM
siroatsalot70

In Octoberber of 2007 my entire family shunned me - except for my 13 year old son whom I am very thankful for even though I don't get to see him too much.

It wasn't all their fault and it wasn't all mine, but we'll never reconcile nor do I hope for that. At first the pain was awful, but now I have grown so much and I realize that they were a tremendously negative influence on me. Many of them appear to have undiagnosed mental problems, but since I was the only one officially labeled "crazy," I was looked at and discussed behind my back, too. After a long time they grew tired of me not getting cured and the shunning process began. Sometimes, at least in my case, you are better off without them. Just my 2 cents.


10/07/2009 09:25 AM
katinhb
 
Posts: 33
Member

siroatsalot70

sorry to hear you had issues with family too. I'm sure you're the only one with undiagnosed mental issues...nobody else...it's only us, right? haha....sarcastically, of course.

I agree with you 100% that many of my family members are EXACTLY like me/us...but, nooooo we are the ONLY ones willing and able to address it! Thanks for the reply!


10/07/2009 01:19 PM
ZugTheMegasaurus
ZugTheMegasaurus  
Posts: 2
Member

That sucks; my boyfriend and parents do the same thing. They talk about how to deal with me (I know because I hear better than they think I do), and constantly blame every behavior I exhibit to being bipolar. I get excited or happy about something, I must be manic. Something pisses me off, I must be depressed or in the throes of a mood swing.

I told them that if they had something to say ABOUT me, they could say it TO me. I don't know how your family works, but that was really effective for me.


10/07/2009 02:09 PM
auntie60
auntie60  
Posts: 303
Member

Nothing is going to change our illness and dammit that is what we have. We don't have lepresy, we aren't rapist,we don't kill. We are just normal people, and our families had rather go to from he said she said. Almost every time it goes from one mouth to the other the concept is different amd most likely has been changed. Families have not tried to educate themselve to Bipolar. Especially in my family where they shouldn't be calling the kettle black. If my Bipolar is under control as it now is looking at them through a clear mind tells me that all of them need to just keep their oponions to themselves. I got a DVD from our local group and made copies of it ( yes I know that is a no no). I sent one to my Daughter, I sent one to my Sister. My Daughter has this way of not accepting things that would compromise her society life. She never took the fifteen minutes out of her life for me. My family split apart and it went from he said to she said. My daiughter and I had no relationship for over two years and we have made a pact to what goes on in her private family to keep it there. I think as indivuals that especially our families should not be be disecting us. Don't spread anything to anyone. It is your home, your family unit and your illness should not leave the walls of your home. In a perfect world that would be great but we are not in a perfect world. You should tell them all that you do not want to hear of anymore gossip, stay out of my life and I will stay out of yours. Families are just crazy. They thrive on gossip. Oh everyone in my family knows my Bipolar but instead of talking about it they just pretend it isn't happening. I do not believe and this is just my opomion. What goes on in your house stays in your house. It isn't open to family gossip. Then just leave it at that, say no more and should anyone want to tell you a single thing about Bipolar I have a very good book I will send you. Speak up and and tell them this is my problen, I am dealing with it and if you can't say something good or give me support then you are not entitled to gossip about me or tell me how to live my life. I think that you need to just stop the gossip. Do you think I would actually ask for this? It wasn't a choice I would make, It was given to me when I was born. It is a heredity illness and sometimes it goes through families which I think it has in mine. I am just the only one who accepted. Every single one of them need to be standing waiting to see a Psychiatrist. No, they would rather go through life, getting out of control, screaming, yelling, juat a normal day we do have but have the inteligence to know something is wrong and we have accepted it. Don't you dare allow them have you feel bad. You didn't ask for this, none of us did. It could have been them. If I sound harsh then it is because I have been exactly where you are. My middle sister said horrible things to me.It took this really good Christan who never misses church four years to say she was sorry.I am passionate about families interjecting themselves in our lives. I just feel so much passion for our families to not understand ancd accept. We have no choices. We are all here for you. Don't forget that.

Auntie

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