The best way to talk to the irrational side?

My question is: Is there anything at all I can say when she is being irrational that can help her become more rational? I tried the "your being irrational" thing and since she didn't think so - it sparked a tirade. But are there gentle words? Anything that anyone has found that works?

Thanks?

1. Repeat back what was said (ie. So what you are saying is (repead verbatim

what was said) is that right? Sometimes, hearing what they are saying

from someone else helps them see the fallacy

2. Use non-confrontational language...

3. Don't attack delusion unless it is violent. I have several employees

who are delusional from time to time. One thinks he had an affair with

Patti Hurst (go figure). As long as the delusion is harmless I don't

confront.

4. Remember the key is if they are likely to do harm to themselves or

others.

5. Gradually confronting delusions with fact. Not emotion, just fact.

And don't lose your temper, although it is frustrating as hell...I have been there...just stay calm. They pick up on your emotions....good luck, Honey

and i hated someone pointing out the delusion. It is so real!!! Drinking alcohol and doing pot or drugs heightens the delusion. I steer clear of mind altering substances..after drinking too much alcohol knew aliens were scratching on the windows..my husband, who is a saint...had to convince me by going outside in the middle of the night with a flashlight...and i still thought they had jumped on the roof!! It is ok to laugh at this...I do now...but, it was real then...

Patience, Patience, Patience...quiet reassurance, and facts.

Post edited by: norma, at: 05/06/2008 16:42

This is only an OPINION, and how I like to be treated when I am being irrational. Which my husband finally gets now...he used to get frustrated, but now he is so calm.

One, address her by name. It validates who she is, and what's the one word in every clinical study that people like to hear? Their NAME.

Also look directly into her eyes when you speak...then she knows that you care and that you are telling the truth.

Now as for talking to someone that is irrational, don't try so desperately to make your point. When I would get irrational my husband would react in the same manner, and argue his point until we were both blue in the face. It wasn't until later that I would smack myself in the head, knowing that I was the irrational one and feeling embarrased would never apologize. The damage at that point had been done.

Even if you don't, tell her you understand. Ask her if it's alright if you tell her what you think about the subject at hand, and if it's not, don't get offended. SERIOUSLY any conversation you engage in, is not going to make any history books...Unless of course you're the president, and your last words are "yeah, go ahead and push the read button that read NUCLEAR". Why push an issue that a little time and understanding where she is coming from can resolve itself?

Now don't kid yourself either...sometimes it was my husband that was the irrational one...even 'normal' people get irrational.

Always a positive way of communication is to allow the person a choice. Always address your questions first with the most important question "Would you mind if?...Is it okay with you if?..."

It allows the person the safety of being able to say "I would rather not, or I need some time to think...or can we talk about it later" If later never comes, IT WON'T MAKE ANY HISTORY BOOKS. You can still continue to love someone even if they do have a hard time communicating without accusing them of any negativity.

I can hardly speak sometimes, bugs the crap out of my husband, but through his strength since the diagnosis and understanding I am now able to tell him what is bothering me within a few days, sometimes even a few hours of the onset.

Instead of accusing me of not loving him...he now looks into my eyes and says..."I know something is wrong, I've known you for too long, so when you're ready to talk about what's bothering you, I will be here to listen" Believe me before the diagnosis...EVERYTHING was going to make history books for him, which led into further reclusive and non-communicative behavior.

I have severe ADD. Before the diagnosis, he would tell me how I was "LOSING IT"...or the oh so kind "ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD" because of the forgetfullness and bouncing around and the clumsiness sometimes associate with ADD...Now he doesn't get mad when I do something wrong...because he can associate it with the ADD and he actually has gotten so good at not getting mad that I am getting over my nervousness of him being around when I am trying to do something. Like wash a vehicle...Man it takes all I have to concentrate on little things like that. One time I left because the phone rang, and forgot I was washing the car and left the water running and HE WASN'T MAD...I cried but he was cool.

Does any of this makes sense to you?

Because it's just what works for me...

Norma is right...we care about you. A lot of us can relate on different levels...if you need anything, we're a click away

I'm so sorry things didn't go well with your visit. I was psychotic for 2 years. At onset I was hosipitalized for 14 days, and was still not really well enough to come home at the end.

I understand why you feel the way you do. She needs to feel some responsibility for her own behavior and well being. Otherwise, she is setting you both up for failure at the outset, and allowing her to do so is not doing her any good. It takes several weeks to realize the full benefit of psychiatric medications so don't lose heart. She may be doing much better in a week or two.

I wish you and your girlfriend well. As the others have said, we will be here for you.

DC