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10/05/2009 04:38 AM

My marriage is falling apart

pauleromulus
pauleromulus  
Posts: 174
Member

My husband and I can't keep it together anymore. We have 7 kids in total, only 4 leaves at home. I'm bipolar and I know that my husband has some type of mental disorder but has never been diagnose. He agrees with me but wont go to any pdoc. He's just so angry at me. I just cant get of the bed for a long period of time. Can't keep a job, can't stay in school and the house is a mess. He looks at me as if I was something disgusting, as if he hates me, he snaps at me for every little thing and I snap back. He tells me that I'm a quitter, I'm 31 and have not done shit with my life, that I can't get and can't keep a job or stay in school. He makes me feel like a total loser, he looks at me as if I was a total loser. I feel so bad about myself.
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10/05/2009 04:50 AM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42714
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I am very sorry to hear that. It's hard to maintain relationships sometimes with bipolar or depression, but it can be done. Many are in committed relationships.

It really sounds like you husband could benefit from getting diagnosed and treated for whatever he has. From his end, that would help the relationship immensely. Try to convince of this point.

You would do well to talk with your pdoc about your current treatment, too. A med adjustment would help your depression, even if it is being triggered by circumstances. What would really help you both is marital counseling. It just might be that a counselor could also point out the his need in this case.

I hope that this will all work out for you and you husband and that the current strain will subside. We are here to support one another and I am sure that others will post here as well with other suggestions on how to help in this situation.


10/05/2009 06:48 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13748
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I'm an Advocate

Hello pauleromulus, i too am very sorry about your circumstances with your marriage. Your husband obviously does not understand about bipolar and the depression that goes with it. With him and you arguing so much is to most definately "trigger" you into this depression you are in. As uppity already said, contact your pdoc (psyciatrist) and let him know everything thats happening to you.

I have a lot of days where i'm depressed and in and out of bed too (and house being a mess). My husband & i have gone to marriage councilling more than a one time thing and this has helped us out tremendously, one session resulted in my hubby quitting drinking (9 yrs ago today).

When we got married i made him promise to agree to marriage councilling should we need it further down the road.

You express you "have not done shit" with your life,

well you definately have, you've given birth to 7 children and thats A LOT to contribute to life, you are living the most important profession a women can live and that's to "be a mother" and don't forget that. You do need to be healthy too and it is possible with extra treatments as advised already.

Depression is so hard and i'm on good meds that i tend to get out of it pretty fast and in lasts periodically for 2-4 days. If it lasted more than 2 wks that's when i seek further treatment from pdoc/therapist.

Post edited by: Dit, at: 10/05/2009 06:50 AM


10/05/2009 07:28 AM
pauleromulus
pauleromulus  
Posts: 174
Member

I'm so confuse, I'm afraid that it might be my brain telling me the wrong things; but I think I need to get away from him. I would like marriage counseling but our insurance doesn't cover it. I feel like his words are so toxic. But afraid, he tells me that I'm so fucked up in the head that I won't be able to make it alone. That I'll fall apart and be worst off then I'm already. And I don't realize how lucky. I'm that he cares about me and that no one else would put up with that mess. But the way he looks at me, constantly screaming and pointing out my failures hurts. I was fine this morning until he started screaming again and now I can't stop crying, feeling like shit and wishing I was dead. I have a class at 11am and now I cant get my self to go and if I do go is like I'm not even there cause I can't concentrate. I know he is going to be upset or throw it in my face at a later time. I can't stop crying

He says that none of it is real. My pdoc tells me not to listen to him and that the relationship is toxic and not helping my disorder. He also say that my husband should also get some help cause its obvious he might also have some issues. That But he tells me that the pdoc only seas me once a week and don't leave with me and don't know the real me that he has to put up with. He also smoke a lot of MJ. What if I'm really crazy and when some one really get to know me, they'll go away. We've been together for 10 years, but married and leaving together for 6 years and I think I got worst since then. I don't think he is helping my situation and I think i should leave him, but what if I'm wrong. Don't want to end up like my mother and he tells me that often. That my family are all crazy and I think they are, maybe that's why I ended up like that.


10/05/2009 07:42 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13748
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

The confusion you are experiencing is understandable under your circumstances.

I'm glad to hear you see your pdoc weekly. You mentioned your husband uses marjuana...that's a mood alterating drug and your husband probably depends on it. Your pdoc is right, sounds like your relationship is toxic, he's verbally abusive; your pdoc says to just ignore him but thats hard to do when he yells at your.

You mentioned you don't have the $ for marr. councilng, thats understandable, maybe your pdoc can refer you to a free therapist/psycologist to get further help on what steps you need to take in order for you to get better. Only you can make the decision whether or not you wish to stay with him.


10/05/2009 08:38 AM
pauleromulus
pauleromulus  
Posts: 174
Member

Thank you very much to all of you. I'm feeling better for now. One of the members in another group say something that registered and got me thinking that maybe is not me. His ex-wife had accused him of being mentally and verbally abusive and left him and they had 3 kids together. Maybe is him that can't see it. What I should do is exactly what I've been telling him we should do. Not to get a divorce, to get sometime apart to try to fix what's wrong. He doesn't want to do it. He is 18 years older than me and his parents are still married. He says he knows what his doing, to trust him and every thing will be fine. But its just been getting worst with time. The house is mine and paid for and I get some government help, I think I could make it on my own.

Thank you again.

Paule


10/05/2009 09:55 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13748
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I hope you did not get the impression that i thought it was you who needed help and not your husband.

The councilling i suggested for you to inquire about was to help you in dealing with your difficult husband's behavior, which is definately abuse.

I'm glad you received some insight and my wish for you is that you get well and stable. Please keep posting we are all here for you and we care.


10/05/2009 11:35 AM
pauleromulus
pauleromulus  
Posts: 174
Member

Thank you very much. But i didn't get that impression from you. You have been helpful

10/05/2009 11:37 AM
pauleromulus
pauleromulus  
Posts: 174
Member

You have no idea how grateful I'm to have you all.

10/05/2009 11:58 AM
pauleromulus
pauleromulus  
Posts: 174
Member

I have never felt so supported in my life. My family doesn't believe in mental illness and say that its just an excuse for people to be stupid. When I was 15 I attempted suicide and ended up in the and that's when I was first diagnose. My mother told me that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was a bad kid, that I was making shit up and I could fool the pdoc but not her. I blamed my self for every thing that went, always felt that there was something wrong with me and that I was just damaged good. Thank you very much. You have no idea how grateful and appreciative I'm to have all of you and your support.
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