Im so emotional i dont know what to do.

We too have a sense of humor. When my oldest daughter got serious about her now husband she told him about myself, her aunts and grandmother being Bipolar and he asked if that was some kind of religion! LOL

I wish I could give you some pointers on how to prevent yourself from going over the top, but I have never found anything other than medication that works for me. I have tried meditation, yoga, other forms of exercise. They all help me feel good about myself most of the time and help me cope most days, but when I start to spiral they don't do me much good.

I have been ill a long time, but went misdiagnosed about 10 years so I was on the wrong treatment program. I finally grew weary enough to find a new Dr. It has made a huge difference being on the right meds. I really hope you will look into finding a new Dr or therapist to help you through this, and find a long term solution for yourself.

It sounds like you have found a good relationship that is worth holding onto, and having someone with you to support and encourage you is wonderful. A big part of the reason I have stayed in treatment even through the unsuccessful period is because I have a good husband that deserves my efforts to live a good life. You can live a good life with this illness. There are plenty of folks here who do a much better job of living well than I will ever hope to attain, and your life can be just as good without all of the worry about whether or not you will be able to reason your way out of an episode.

Whatever direciton you decide to take, we will be here for you. I wish you every success, and maybe someone here will have some good advice on how to cope without meds.

DC