Bipolar or just bad behavior?

Anyhow....last summer I helped my mom clear out a yard full of weeds, etc so she could begin working on improvements to her yard. Apparently those improvements never happened as her yard looks just as bad as it did prior to the work. I asked her why she never completed the work and she told me she was too busy with her "boyfriend." She has only met this guy once and he lives 2,000 miles away.

Also, she has a large box of our old family pictures from generations past and she was supposed to work on scanning and archiving them. When I was at her house I asked her about the pictures and she showed me where they were - in a messy pile on her closet floor with cat hair, etc all over them. I was very annoyed as these pictures are very important to me and the only copies we have. She was initially very insistent about doing this work herself but again, too busy with the boyfriend she never sees to complete the work, or to even put the pictures back in the box to keep the cat from sleeping on them.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but this has just been frustrating. All that yardwork last year in the summer heat, all for nothing, and those family pictures that she carelessly leaves on the floor.....are these examples of a seemingly inability to finish projects a symptom of BP, or is this just plain bad behavior/bad choices/whatever? And then blaming this on a basically non-existent boyfriend was basically laughable to me, just a random excuse as far as I am concerned. Overall, I just don't want to automatically assume that everything she does or doesn't do is somehow related to her BP.

I also know that if she wants to live in a house with a nasty yard with 4 foot tall weeds and have belongings she doesn't really care about - there's nothing I can do about it. It's just frustrating for me to see her live like this, especially after others have put forth a lot of effort to help her with many things. She had a guy over here last year to rototill the yard (and for free) - now you would be unable to see that effort. The bag of grass seed she was going to put in the newly rototilled yard is rotting away in the corner of the yard. It would be one thing if she asked for help again, or even admitted she couldn't keep up with it, but she just acts cocky about it - mentioning the guy that did the rototilling works for her and "what was he going to do about it?" And then she laughs. Ugh.....

I've learned a good lesson about what NOT to help her with but still find the whole thing frustrating and admittedly, pretty embarrassing. We know a lot of the same people and I hate it when people ask me what's "wrong" with her or why she does one thing or another. I've taken to telling people to have a conversation with her if they feel something is wrong with her behavior - which I'm pretty sure they probably don't in the long run. Nonetheless, it's still embarrassing sometimes.

The last several months I have just distanced myself from her because I can't stand her behavior (diagnosed with BP but is not medicated or in therapy, very manic right now). But I feel guilty a lot and that's something I need to work on for my own peace of mind - and I'm always torn about what seems to be related to her BP or is just "regular behavior."

Sorry for the length......must be my morning to vent. Thanks, Heather

The initial yardwork - most of it was done by me and a few others. She moved into a house and the yard was slowly becoming bad but still manageable. Now the same yard looks like a pit with four foot tall + weeds and no grass. All she had to do was put out the grass seed and plant a few flowers, all of which she had at her disposal. It ticked me off because of all the work that was done and she doesn't seem to care or even bothered that her yard looks like h*ll after everything that was done - or the fact that she has to look at it everyday.

She just seems really unappreciative most the time and laughs at people after they do things for her - refers to them as "suckers." For many months now she been engaging in all these projects - she doesn't finish any of them - and been particularly mean and self-centered. It's frustrating a lot of the time.

Gloria

Who taught you good manners??...if she has always been like this it certainly was not her. I would have limited contact since her behavior is insensitive at best. And let her weed her own garden next time...since you and anyone who tries to help is a sucker.

Our problems go back a long ways, most of my life I can remember. And no, she didn't make it to 60 because I got her through her life, LOL. However, she literally disappeared from my life on three distinct occasions - when I was was 3, when I was 9, and when I was 14. When I was 9 she disappeared for 4 months and I literally had no clue where she was and she just showed back up - she left me with the newspaper delivery girl and her parents who did not speak English. When I was 14 she left me with my stepdad and I had a good idea where she was but found out later she was where she was due to an extramarital affair she didn't want to give up due to moving with my stepdad and me. I don't remember what happened when I was 3 but I have heard things. So you're right, no mother of the year here.

The yard, I did it for her as I mistakenly thought things would be different this go-around. Not so. She was very depressed at the time and was experiencing difficulties getting her life together and many offered to help and did so, myself included. Her yard was atrocious and she lives in a neighborhood/community where there are certain expectations/rules about yard/house upkeep. I thought she cared then but it's obvious she doesn't now.

The reason I ask about my mom's current severe rudeness/mean behavior, etc and how it may relate to her bipolar is because any of her behaviors seem to go in phases. She can go through long periods of time where she is not like she is now, or times when she is severely depressed - during these other times she seems to be nowhere near as mean, rude, or callous as she is now and has been at other times. All of this comes in patterns throughout all of my own life that I can remember.

It made me want to be a better parent when I had kids...my PAPA loved us just was sick.

My mom does have a lot of issues, she has always been very promiscuous, she is bipolar, and in the past she used drugs (marijuana and cocaine) on a regular basis. What upsets me far more than her 'issues' is that she has never taken responsibility for much of anything - it's always someone else's fault. It would be somewhat easier to let go of the past if she took some responsibility.