Bipolar Support Group

How do I overcome the feeling of total panic when I am in a group of people? I had a lovely psychotic episode in the spring (God told me to kill myself, nice), and after a psychotic episode I tend to isolate myself and feel like the whole world knows what a freak I am.

This usually lasts a year until I feel more comfortable in groups. The hard part about this is I am a teacher.

So, I feel like the whole class knows that I went psychotic. I even feel this way when I meet new people or have people over. So then I isolate myself to avoid the anxiety and then I end up more depressed and lonely.

I am turning into the cat woman.

Does anyone else have problems in groups? How do you cope?

I often have the feeling that "everyone knows". Why are they looking at me like that ect. . Sometimes it gets very intense, sometimes its not on the frontline of my thoughts. The more i seem to hide out, the worst it gets, because everyone wonders where you've been.. But the truth of the matter is that not everyone knows, probably know one knows, if they do theyre probably not thinking about it.. Its all in our head. its like.. the anxiety is there and it just needs a way to manifest itself. I wish i knew how to keep this from happening. Taking some sort of anxiety medicine before heading out into crowds or groups would help, thats exactly the kind of thing they are made for. It will be an amazing feeling once you face it head on and realize that all your paranoia about people judging you was false, and that when people are staring at you its for other reasons..(lets say good reasons). GL!

Apathy helps me a little. Being overtired helps a little and right now I'm going to bed at 9:30pm and getting up at 4:30am to be at work for 6am... So I'm usually too tired/sleepy outside of work for my mind to bug me. I think this shift is better than the 3:30 to 11:30 gig.... Anyway, I really hate waiting in lines and being around lots of people or in crowds. My bro-in-law invited me to goto a carnival of sorts and I just dunno... The only crowds I like are when I goto shows. Then I'm down in the pit socializing with my beefy shoulders. Last show I went to I drank a half pint of whiskey in the car outside and a couple beers inside. Maybe that helped too. lol