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bejeweled
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My life is a complete mess. My girlfriend of six years has been diagnosed with bipolar. Just yesterday she saw a psychatric nurse practioner who freaked out and told her she immediately had to go to the hospital because she is suicidal and homicidal. Then called ME in the middle of the session to get me find her a place to stay because she can't come home? It was bizarre. My g/f has done some particularly bad stuff to me. Last year she cheated on me, we went to therapy, and yet apparently because of this illness she can't be there to help me with the mess she has made. It seemed like things were getting better -slowly although she continued to cycle (come to find out she was put on the wrong medications by a physicans asst.) Last monday I found out that she called this girl she cheated on me with (which means she has her # AGAIN my g/f has changed her # 2x) That wasn't part of the plan. We are buying a house that closes in 15 days!! I am so done. I can't take it anymore. She is verbally abusive, and often just plain mean. Here I have been working so hard to pick up the pieces for a year and what has she been doing? Lying, cheating, basically whatever she wants and she is getting physically abusive now. She lies very easily. She wasn't like this until about two years ago. (I don't think) I am really losing hope and fear this might all be a manipulation. We only just Friday got the diagnoses. That physican's asst. was guessing after spending 20 minutes with her. We have kids, bills, and now - lots of debt. No one is telling me anything. I called to get her the appt. with that nurse practioner. And the only conversation was when she called me during their session in a panic. Then she told my g/f not to have any contact with me until she goes back on tues. which my g/f promptly disregared. I convinced her it was a good idea while her meds are changing. And I didn't tell her what I actually found out about one of the anti pyschotic drugs they put her on (or she wouldn't have taken it.) This person has spent two hours with her - I am desperate for something! What the hell am I supposed to do? Again, I am left here this weekend literally picking up the pieces of things she broke Wed. night. Telling the kids she is at work (which she is going to work.) And she keeps calling me. I feel like I have to keep it light because if I don't I might trigger a homicidal outburst. She keeps threatening to kill me anytime I try to talk about the affair or why she called her again.....anyway (and I so apologize for this going on and on but I am seriously losing my mind here) Buying this house (that is in my name) is a great opportunity for me to move on and leave. I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't and won't live like this. She is required to call the nurse every night, and she has changed her meds. She can't take her off of a couple of them until she is safetly in the hospital which she isn't willing to do for a couple of weeks. The house closes on the 15th. She has custody of her younger brother (who of course is with me and he is a special needs child) She doesn't have any patience or tolerance for him either. And I have to girls from a previous relationship. We are sucessfull professionals. And in spite of her inability to function at home -she thrives at work. I have read as much as I can lately about this disorder and so many of the symptoms I can see in her but when does it end? If this is the future I can look forward to with her - I don't want any part of it. This is so, so hard. And kills me inside. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA |
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keepthefaith
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Welcome bejeweled. First off, didn't that feel good to get off your chest? If you are looking for advise and support, you have come to a good place. Along with my wifes family, this site has provided me tremendous support and understanding when my wonderful, bipolar wife went thru a huge manic episode. The most common advise I read here is that for your relationship to be successful, you partner needs to accept she has a problem, and must seek treatment. That should include visiting her psychiatrist, finding and taking the right medication, and getting therapy. You CANNOT force her, it has to come from within her. Don't get me wrong, you can advise her and guide her, but you can't force her. You got a lot on your plate. Are you taking care of yourself? My health went downhill very quickly, due to not eating, sleeping, worrying, etc. My wife has stabilized, and life is pretty darn good right now. Only you can decide when you have had enough. Anyway, keep coming here. There's lots of great BP's and BPSO's at the ready to help. Paul |
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Gypsy
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HI bejeweled, Welcome. I am glad you have found us. I am sorry you are going through this. This illness is hard to live with for anyone on both sides of the fence. I have bipolar, and I have never cheated. I haven't lied to my S/O either. All of us are different. I agree with you, that you don't have to put up with dishonest, and abusive behavior, whether your girlfriend is bipolar, or not. You also don't have to stay just because she has bipolar. It's sad that she wont go to the hospital. I have a fear of hospitals, too, but, it's better, that she gets stable, than continue suffering. I can't make this decision for you, and as Keepthefaith said you can't force her to get help. If you chase her, or challenge her she will run or keep fighting you. Until, I got help, I could not be available for anyone while, I was deep in my illness. Hang in there, and we are here for you. God Bless,Gypsy
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glory
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Paul, you amaze me. Bejeweled, Paul is right on the money. I am bipolar and I have all the sympathy in the world for you. It is a mean and hateful disease. If she is willing, please see to it that she sees a Psychiatrist and not a, "wanna be". Wehether she is a practitioner or not, she is not a Psychiatrist. You have got to draw the line in the sand with her behavior. Give her the rules and the consequences of breaking them. She is not a child, she is only acting like one. As an adult she is accountable. I am 58 and I have never cheated. I, during a psychotic episode, still know right from wrong. All of my inhibitions are lowered and I may say more than I would normally, but there is truth. You are going to have a hell of a rough road to walk if you stay with her. Remember, she will always be bipolar. There is no cure. There may be times when her meds just stop working and then she has to start all over. It has happened to me. It will then take months to get them regulated again. Be careful with your heart. You should be your first concern. Don't lose yourself in her bipolar disorder. Gloria glory |
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bejeweled
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There are a lot of things at work here. I am hopeful that she will go to the hospital. The bipolar seems to me to be there. I agree a psychiatrist must get involved. She also has psychotic type episodes. And I know this is real for her, I can see it in her eyes. The cheating was an effort (I think - I am walking a line where I sometimes make excuses) to self medicate because she is just so miserable most of the time. It was a part of drinking/partying secret life that she lived for two months. When she is rational which is less and less often, we are able to talk and she feels terrible and hates herself which almost alwasys leads to another episode of one extreme or the other. I feel better already knowing that I'm not alone. I searched all day for somewhere to turn. This whole thing, no matter what the outcome is terrifying. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA |
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glory
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You are scared, bejeweled? You had better be scared, cause that will keep you on your toes. The fact that she apologizes should tell you she knows she was wrong. Is the new house going to be in both names? I would be extra careful with that decision. Unless you can make the payments on your own, I would think that over & over again. Gloria glory |
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bejeweled
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No, the house is going to be in just my name. One of the worst things about everything (although I have moments trying to decide what is worse among all the bad things right now) is that we planned this all out together, with both of our incomes. I can not afford it on my own without a second job which I am getting. I work a 70 hour week now as a GM and I will have to work another 40. I am willing to do it but it certianly sucks. I just didn't know so much...when that physicians assistant put her on medication and I assumed he knew what he was doing and then poof it would all be fine. And there are periods where it's ok. But then she does something like call this girl - which she agreed for MY sanity not to do - and we end up at the same place we were a year ago.... I don't have any experience with any of this so most of the time I just feel like she is manipulating me, even with the threat of suicide. But her wanting to kill me also seems pretty legitimate and she busts up the house. And that is completely the wrong response for the situation. This (the violence) is all new in the last year. She can be very selfish, self centered and even take on a different persona - sometimes that can be for a few minutes, other times hours or days. Everyone annoys her, she yells and screams. Sometimes it happens so fast I can't keep up - she will tell me to get the f*ck out of her face, then immediately start crying that I don't pay any attention to her. She definately knows when she is crying and sorry that what she is doing is wrong. I don't really believe in her agitated state that she believes it. She thinks I am a jerk for existing, much less trying to talk to her. She doesn't want to hear anything and has no empathy at all. Her bitterness and anger are especially hard to take with everything she has done. She blames everyone for her misery. I am really struggling. On one hand - I do love her and would hate to think that I am walking out on her when she is most vulnerable. On the other hand...how can I stay if she keeps self destructing? Thank you all for your comments. I really appreciate having people to think out loud with that actually have some insight! You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA
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glory
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Bejeweled, are your children with you two when she is on a tangent? If so, I am begging you right now to get them out of that environment. Kids are supposed to be making childhood memories, not witnessing insanity. With 2 kids, please don't overextend yourself financially. Even working 70 hrs a week is too much when you are a single parent. The kids and you have got to come first. I know you don't really want to hear this, but......get out of the house deal, even if there is a penalty finacially, and leave this situation... If you want to rekindle it, then at least wait until she proves her stability. I just don't see this relationship as being a keeper. Love Gloria glory |
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norma
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Dear Bejewled...if the house note is predicated on both incomes I hope you are careful...Holding down two jobs is going to be stressful and when are you going to have time for yourself??? I am in Upper Managment also and know how much of a full time job that can be. Your g/f sounds like she had a dramatic personality change...and I sure would be careful if she is threatening you harm. I would think the best thing would be the hospital and maybe if they have a unit they can admit her to for some extended care until she is more stable...you can request as a caretaker for visits with the psychiartist...to help plan her recovery. That is if you want to be a caretaker...it may be the time to let go...that is up to you...she has done some serious damage to your relationship by her actions. And it would be understandable if you decide to call it quits. Or at least distance yourself due to the pain this must be causing you. Set some boundaries...she must want to get help, be well, and be true to you. You take care of yourself...you can't be there for someone else if you are not ok...keep posting here...We do care and will be here for you... "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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bejeweled
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There is no way out of the house, even with a penalty and my grandfather have a stake in it too since they signed with me. That is simply not an option. The kids have witnessed and lived with her behavior but not this last week which was particularly bad. We are a family and I wonder if we were legally married if this psychiatric nurse practioner would have at least spoken to me. Yes, I should leave the situation - any reasonable person would have left a while ago. I knew her before this all started and know that she wasn't always like this. I spoke to her a little while ago and she is now in favor of going to the hospital. But not this week, she has to work out her schedule. That is actually true. And of course, she is being rational at the moment. She has her laptop with her and I have my fingers crossed that she doesn't look up the drug they put her on or that will be then end of that.If she doesn't get help - then I have done what I can. I can't live like this. I want someone to tell me that she really is sick and can't help it. Otherwise, she is just an a**hole - and I can't live with that. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA |
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