carmen33
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Hi, Amanda, your like a lot of people I've met over the years, the women that I have seen, almost run from man to man, they feel like they are worthless if they don't have a man in their lives. Society is partly to blame for this, as our Mothers were taught that there was something wrong with them if they didn't have a man in their lives, by age 20 or so, if they weren't married there was seriously something wrong, the other part of this equation is us, we have the need to have someone in our lives to fill something we feel we are missing.. it's co-dependent I believe, we need to feel needed so we use other people to fill that void.. We seek out another, and depend on the other to make us happy and feel fulfilled, but once we get that person, we are no longer in that mode, leaving us feeling trapped and disappointed. We have to learn that we are whole with or without someone in our lives, we have to learn to love ourselves, and too enjoy our own company, took me a while but I did... might have had to do with the fact that I have been with men that have made me the center of their universe..clingy, possessive, smothering. Therapy can help you over come this, to learn that you are a good person and whole without someone in your life, when I first moved to South Carolina from California and away from the boyfriend I had had for 5 years, I took time off for me, to give myself the healing time and space to figure out who the hell I was, to work on being the best person I could be.. after about 5 years, I decided that I wanted someone to share my life with, after a while I came to believe there never would be anyone and was happy with it, then along came my current husband, wasn't looking for him, he just popped up..lol.. Asked if he could email me, and the rest was history, we met online, he came to a realization the other day, he is very much like you, he has to be married.. he hasn't gotten use to being by himself and has to have someone in his life and he has to be married to them.. I on the other hand tried to talk him out of the marriage, I didn't feel the need for that piece of paper, if I shared my life with him, then I shared my life, all that paper would do is give me the right to bury him.. We've been married now 7 years, happy a lot of the time and miserable some of the time, here recently it's been kinda miserable, but he is finally getting help with issues from the past that have kept him from learning who he is, and that he is a whole person in his own right, I am in therapy dealing with new issues and going over again on some old ones.. I've reached the point in the relationship, where I am starting to kick over from the us to the me.. I want my marriage to work, I want it to be as happy as it can be, but I don't want to continue on the path that we have been in, it makes me miserable and makes me sick, physically and mentally, mentally most of all. If your not in therapy, get in therapy, learn who you are, and that you are worthy, whole and capable on your own.. |
