paranoia

He just stays home with an idle mind giving into either his depression or his paranoia. He has become the jealous type asking me where I've been, and wanting confirmations from other people on whatever I tell him. I always wonder what I will come home to - a solace man or an angry one.

I find myself asking him more than I can count, "Are you mad at me?" - or something to that effect and I am sick of it. He told me flat out he doesn't trust me and I have given him little reason to. I borrowed money from my brother to pay the rent without consulting him first and so I'm a lying bitch. He never name called me before just told me he can't live with me, that we were a mistake and he wants a divorce.

Just recently he packed some of his clothes and put them in his mom's home last Friday. He planned to leave on Monday while I was at work, but he decided to do the honorable thing and tell me so on Friday night.

As usual, after his grand gesture of telling me we are over in one way or another, we make up and he stays. We have been going at this for 2 years. He hasn't been diagnosed with bipolar, but I feel like he is and I wonder, whether he is or isn't if I should deal with his emotional abuse on the verge of domestic violence.

He grew up around domestic violence and swears he would never hurt me but he has had moments of blind rage where he has put his hands on me --nothing that has caused bruising or pain, just shock. He is seeing a psychologist and I want him to get help and I want to see him at least find out if he's mentally ill and on his way in managing it and his anger, but I wonder... am I just fooling myself? Should I just get out now? Or should I at least see him through this part?

For the record he's not always cruel, which is why I am confused because he tells me how sorry he is, and that its the anger and to be patient with him while he deals - but it's becoming more and more harder... not because its the same stuff, different day... because its different always.

What should I do?

It sounds exactly like my ex-husband. I never knew what I was coming home to, and nearing the end, if his car was in the driveway when I got home I would just start crying. It NEVER got better, even with the apologies. It always went back to the same thing. Then it started escalating. It wasn't enough just to 'shock' me...it got worse and he really started scaring the hell out of me.

Do you have any children together?

could change both your lives if he got treated successfully. Best of luck to you both and Hugs

If he is getting sicker, and wont get help, it will just get worse.

I can relate to how he is acting, because that is how, I acted toward my fiance. It was my illness. I could no longer function.

You don't have to let him treat you like that, bipolar, or not. Abuse is unacceptable.

The only thing you can do is get help for you. You don't have to make a decision about leaving him forever, but, maybe right now, while he is so sick. Set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and put your health and safety first. How bad does it have to get? As long as you let him act out his illness on you, you are enabling him to continue to be sick. You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells, and feel afraid to go home. Intimidation is abuse. All of what he is doing is manipulation to keep you hostage, and to keep his secret safe.

If you can't get out on your own, seek help, and support from friends, family, and therapist, someone.

He needs to make the decision to get help. You can't make him. He is a big boy, if he really wanted help, he would have already had it. He is seeing a psychologist. They have a lot of info. They probably already said something if he is so deep in his illness.

Keep coming here, and sharing. You are not alone.