MDJunction - People Helping People
Ask a Question
09/21/2009 10:06 AM

The roller Coaster

Posts: 3

Here is a little from my profile

I have been married 31 years. Have 4 beautiful adult children one grandchild . In Last year my husband stared having panic attacks and anxiety. This turned into " its all my fault syndrome ". In the meantime I had two knee surgeries in 8 months and pain for 1 year. In April I found out he has been having an affair since Feb. He moved out of course telling me it was all my fault. Since then I have seen him in a different light. I do realize he seems to have cycles and think they have been going on all our married life but more so since 1999 ( year our son graduated from HS and moved out).

I think the empty nest syndrome set in and went downhill from there. Even though we had some still at home.

Lately since the seperation he has been up and down. Wanting to come home one day hating me the next. Shutting off contact with everyone etc. Verge of a nervous breakdown etc. He has been asking for chances to get back together then next day says I did not say that. He also went thru the strange story state telling people I locked him in his room or ignored him etc. There is no lock on the door plus I never ignor him. Now after breaking it off with the OW he wants to seek help and I am trying so hard to see that he gets it. He still is disconnected and emotionless. His family is that way also.

He does not even know he has these moods ( cycles, mania ) He almost seems like many differnt people I can only describe it as Regular David and Monster David. Others see it also ...he is quick to explode, has no emotions, narcesistic behavior ( me me eme )

Right now he is in the I like being alone mode, isolating himself,he has friends but no friendships, In his David state he wants to come home but monster state will not allow that. Sometimes he has a teenage state. He even sometimes talks in the 3d party state example " David wouldn't do that" instead of saying the normal word "I" . I can describe it as Monster knows what david does but David does not know what monster does. He is not the same person he was years ago. He was treated I think mistakenly for panic attacks and anxiety and those drugs made him worse.

I went to the family dr, his psyc etc to ask for help and apparently because of HEPA I have no say so or power to be heard. They have to hear it from him and he is very good about telling them nothing is wrong.

It has been a roller coaster ride .

Right now we will be seeing the family/marriage therapist in Tuesday and he goes back to the psyc. on Wednesday. He


09/21/2009 11:00 AM
Posts: 4163
VIP Member

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish you the best. Honestly it sounds like a massive amount to be going through. It sounds like he is moving in the right direction as far as therapy is going. It is very important that he is honest with his psyc. doc. I read where you said you tried to provide info. It is allowed from what I know if he allows you to be part of the apt. and allows you to speak. Maybe down the road after more couples therapy he will consider it. Also make sure during this process that you are doing the best to take care of youself. Maybe talk to your kids if you feel comfortable, not in a dad bashing way, but in a way that you want to fix the marriage and that you need support too.

09/21/2009 12:49 PM
Posts: 238

If he agrees to it you can be included in his medical decisions. I have an agreement with my pdoc that my parents be included in my decision making if I ever get to the point where I can't make proper decisions by myselfl. Itwould be a good idea if you can get him to go along with it. Maybe it is something you can address in marraige counseling. I am not married so I cannot fully understand what you are going through. I just know what I have put my family through over the years and it now kills me. He will wake up one day and realize what he has done. There is no gaurantee for when that is going to happen though. Be patient and know that anytime you need us we are here for you. Big hugs to you.

09/21/2009 04:13 PM
Posts: 3

Thanks so much for your support I do tell the kids that I want their dad to be like the dad they used to have and they are such smart kids they do know the difference. I have also said I will help him as a wife and their mother. I do not dad bash him but sadly to say they do feel my pain and see my tears. They actually tell me they have been noticing it for a long time. So even though I thought I knew him I did not know it was mental related. Just thought it was bad days. It is hurtful all the things he has said and done. To myself and the kids....but luckily for now I can seperate the different moods into self and not self.

Share this discussion with your friends:

Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 All Rights Reserved