Bipolar Support Group

I was filing for state insurance and aid. I passed with flying colors as the sole money maker (and unemployed) for a family of three. As we where in the office at our appointment my phone rang and I let it go to voice mail. It was a wierd number and I was curious so I checked my voice mail. It was my former employer calling me in to "negotiate" an agreement of possible rehire.

My former now current again supervisor has been a great friend of mine for some time. Knowing they needed help I asked him if he could do anything. He sent an email to a few people saying he knows I wasn't a model employee but I have lots of expierience and would like to have the chance to prove myself, something I already did to him.

Monday he tells me it's probably a no go because of my past negitive activities which hurt me because most occured while unmedicated and during episodes that I had at work. Problems with a co-worker and going against the grain probably caused me to be laid off. I explained I had a condition but that went in one ear and out the other...

So I went in to meet with the one person standing between me and my former job. His deal was that I can return to work under the temp agency as a form of evaluation. I also was to be set back $3.58 an hour to a set rate for "utility" people. I started at $9.25 as a temp three years ago and worked up to $15.08 from a kid unable to read a tape measure to a guy who was knowledgable on multiple machines, a great second helper and then a decent forklift driver and then a great machine operator. I have faith that I can start at the bottom once more and redo what I've already done.

So I went to the temp agency today and filled out paperwork and did the little pee in a cup routine and then was told I was all set so I went out and bought a new pair of work boots as my previous ones are trashed and collecting cobwebs on the porch...

I start monday, I will be a 'bitch' put anywhere needed until something permenant is found. Theres a few positions I dread where the work is very slow and tedious. I need fast paced action and able to run circles around people so I hope for the best...

Anyway, I had mixed reaction to the pay cut. One that it's unfair and if we where a union plant it would be different. But it's not a union plant or something I want to fight and cause more problems. I'm going back to work and going to tough it out.

I also now and on state insurance and can seek medication and therapy if needed. I am excited I am going back to the place I loathed and grew to love. I was talking to one guy who was fired today and I told him I didn't want to go somewhere new and have to work with new assholes that I wanted to work with the same assholes I've worked with for three years... Not entirely true, they only kept maybe a third of us second shifters...

I have mixed feelings about going back to work. On one hand, it's a job and it's a foot in the door. On the other hand I could have collected for up to another year. On one hand most of my family is exctatic for me. On one hand my mom did like me being able to spend more time with my little one. It was a very mixed bowl of opinions much like being bipolar.

I will say and admit. I didn't find work anywhere else and this was like a six month vacation for me. I got to skip working during the hot sweaty summer and I was able to take my daughter swimming when I wasn't looking for work almost every other day while others shed sweat and labor. I got even more closer to her and also went on hikes and even took my grandmother (who rides a heavy scooter) with us a couple places to show her places the baby has seen.

My grandmother has been a big part of my life. She took me all kinds of places starting with my pre-teen years. I spent the summers at her house in Mass. while my parents worked and lived in Georgia. She's taken me on nine day campouts that consisted of trail riding on horses with about 100 other camping, horse riding individuals and took me to a gym club / pool place and drove me to a pond to go swimming until I could ride my bike there... So my grandma has been a big part in my life for a long time and has always been there for me and it's nice to be able to take her places like she took me as she is a recent widower, we lost Grandpa this year due to natural causes and old age.

So, I'm glad I have a job in this troubled economy. I could have gladly used more time to spend with my baby... Now that summers over and crowds are gone we have been going on walks in parks and even "baby backpacking" through state park trails and just lots of stuff. And I think, I'm most sad about going back to work as I will have less time with my girl. "F" everything else. I used to goto work for something to do. Now, I have something to do, a baby to entertain.

I no longer work second shift but now first shift. I seem to do better when I wake up in the morning early... I will be able to get home around 5pm and spend about 4-5 hours with wife and baby and have family dinner and still be able to go places if my work doesn't work me like a dog which isn't the real problem. The real problem is I get lost in thought, possibly hypomanic, and try to work as if I where more than one person. Just as fast as I can to stay busy, out of trouble, and on the move... I have typed lots and lots... So I will draw this to a close. This is what's been going on. If you read this, I thank you.

I am glad you have gotten a job with the possibility of getting back on permanently, and that you will still have family time along with it. It may not pay the same, but it's a job and that's more than many right now. I hope it all works out for you.

congratulations!!

Hey BigJ,

First of all I'm glad to hear that you were able to get state provided insurance so that you can start meds if/when you need to. That's awesome. Are you going to line up a pdoc right away just in case? You know how waiting lists can be....

Second, it's wonderful to hear that things are looking up for you, and to hear such a positive attitude towards everything for a change - and you did this without meds...Congrats!

I'm sure you'll rapidly move back up to your former paygrade. If you did it once before, you can do it again

Thanks everyone! BagofCandy, my wife made me go see her doctor when I had to change doctors... The reason was they only take state insurance if you're already a patient, from what my wife told me. So I got my foot in the door but don't really like the doc... He's a pill pushing narrow minded little man.... But I have made a pledge to get sober and I aim high so I'm working towards 90 days which means no more drinking this year essentially. I'm also considering meds and a shrink because it's about time for me to get off the rollercoaster. I just hope I can still have high energy at work on meds.

I have a very long text document on my computer called "Recognition" and it's a journal dating back to Feb. shortly before I lost my job about my alcohol consumption and my reckognition of how it's affected me and how it needs to stop. It's still a work in progress. But might be a bit much to post. I myself have trouble reading through all the posts on here. I did before while hypomanic but can't keep up anymore.

Thumbs up!

Hey BigJ, congrats on the job! Hey its not great, but its something! Sometimes you gotta swallow shit and focus on the payoffs and take the good with the bad. I bet your baby girl will miss you. It sounds great what you have been doing with her, and your grandma too. I'm glad you were able to have such good times together. But you will get some pride back from earning your way in the world. I am proud of you!

TM

Hey BigJ, I think alot of people here know what you're feeling when it comes to getting sober. You can do it!! Ninety days seems like a perfect endpoint. It took me a couple of relapses to stop using drugs, and I was a heavy coke/heroin user. Anyway, I wasn't able to stop on my own...I think getting in touch with a pdoc/tdoc would be very helpful because they can give you some tools to help you cope with cravings. As for the journal you've kept since February, you should post it in the diary section.

Its so encouraging that you have gotten your job back, even if its less pay. I too have recently returned to work and share many of the same feelings you do. Its never easy starting again but great that you have the opportunity to do so. Go for it.

Hypomania in the work place? I told everyone I was a really energetic hyper person and my supervisor that I have to work fast paced that I can't do slow stuff (like standing on the end of a machine catching box at a time and counting to ten and bundling it together and then stacking it for example)... So anyway, day 1 and day 2 two different people told me to slow down. lol. I was drinking coffee and running around like a mad man. I paced myself today cuz yesterday I was dead on my feet come time to go home.

Tommorow I get to go in from 12-8 (being flexible) and I get to operate my old machine. I'm going to make that baby purr and run it faster than those clowns that have been on that machine for years and the newbie (me) is going to try to put them to shame.

The not drinkings been going well. Day 6 now I think and I don't have any urges to drink except for maybe Tuesday when I said to another kid how "a cold one would be really good right now." Other than that I'm off the whiskey and busying myself with work and then the baby at home and playing guitar hero (thumbs up) aswell as sleeping properly. I usually go for 7-8 hours of sleep and the work thing burning off energy is a good thing.

Anyway, thanks for all the encouragement.