MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
10/02/2007 10:55 AM

Full Bloom

redrose
 
Posts: 142
Member

I am really feeling that I am out of control again.

Have tried to seclude again and refusing company because of the moods this past week. If I didn't have to care for my grandson, I would probably crawl into bed never to be seen again.

I think that I have had everything taken from me and this has set me into crisis mode. Lost my doc a couple weeks ago and won't have replacement until Nov. Then last week my case manager informs me that because a budget hasn't been approved, I will not have these services until mid November.

With all my services on hold right now I am not going to accomplish much. I am slipping with my mouth and I guess I am lucky that I haven't been put in the hospital.

Not only do I have the bipolar to deal with but the borderline personality disorder to go with it. Now digging into which disorder causes certain things. They both have anger issues, wow, imagine that. Might explain why I have so much uncontrolable anger. When reading up on this I found that it isn't unusual for a person with Bipolar to also have the Borderline Personality Disorder also.

Has anyone else been diagnosed with both, and if so have they done much research on it?

Reply

10/02/2007 11:23 AM
bipolarmomma
bipolarmomma  
Posts: 440
Member

My mother is diagnosed with both but refuses to accept the boderline personality disorder diagnoses. I have done some research on it. Like you said it is not uncommon to have both diagnoses. Please remember that your bipolar is a disorder that is caused by a chemical imbalance and boderline is just simply your part of your personality magnified. I am so sorry to hear about your pdoc loss. That is hard because from what I have seen through my mom is that when the bipolar is out of control, so goes the boderline. I could simply tell repeat to you what others have said....journal, quiet meditation,some like bubble baths. But I say find what relieves you. Just as everyone is different in their bipolar, everyone is different in their relief and treatments.

Be grateful for your grandson right now because he is keeping you out of a depressive state. I thank the higher power for my kids because without them to wake me up and get me moving I am not sure where I might be. Probably 6 feet under. But I am not. I am here. I am living with bipolar disorder. I am ALIVE!


10/02/2007 03:28 PM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

is there a free clinic or something near you that you can go to in the mean time? if you have too, go to the nearest ER, but get the help that you need as soon as you can.

Carmen


10/02/2007 06:25 PM
bibluepolar
bibluepolar  
Posts: 47
Member

redrose,

I know exactly how you feel. With my bipolar and borderline, I have ALOT of uncontrollable anger, as well. It really really sux!!!!

On my lows when i get depressed, I never want to get out of bed. But knowing I have supporters on the internet gets me up and atleast on here.

As everyone tells everyone in here, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Maybe you should put yourself in a place where you can cope with these issues. You can't hardly take care of anyone else until you have taken care of yourself first.

I hope things go well and get better soon!

April

Smile


10/02/2007 10:54 PM
jahin_me
 
Posts: 7
Member

Sorry to hear that you feel so badly. And if you feel suicidal, please seek help immediately. Also, borderline is a tough diagnosis. Don't get bogged down with that one. I think that sometimes that is an umbrella diagnosis, when they can't put a label on you, they'll chose that one. Not that there isn't some validity to it, but with the personality disorders, things get a little more subjective. I have a friend that was diagnosed borderline, and it was actually a case of complex PTSD with multiple personality disorder. Anyway, stay strong and many blessings and wishes of a quick return to a more positive state of mind,

J


10/03/2007 03:09 AM
redrose
 
Posts: 142
Member

I have had 5 different pschyciatrist and they have all supported this diagnosis.

I have questioned the PTSD because when trying to do a timeline on when things totally changed in my ways was after a robbery. I am not going to say that I didn't have the symtoms of the bipolar disorder prior to that. Since I was robbed at gunpoint I have never slept an entire night. I am not having the nightmares like I used to but still up at night checking doors, windows, and on my little guy. This really kicked my kids sneaking out at night in the ass. They never liked the fact that I am coming in to make sure they are still breathing at night. Even taking sleep meds and still can't sleep as most people would.

Trust, I don't think I have a whole lot of that. I don't allow people to get close to me and the ones that used to be I have pushed away. I don't do anything that requires others to participate. Safe zone is my thing, I am safe if I keep my guard up at all times.

At this point I am feeling that I can't even sit in my own home alone the way I want to be. I have neighbors knocking my door all the time to either borrow something or over crap that I really could care less about. Going shopping today and going to try to find Do Not Disturb sign.

The only socializing I do is with a class of 25 children when I go to school to check on my grandson. I am good with kids and can trust them when they are young. At this age they are innocent yet and some of them will stay that way. I am trying to make sure that I raise my grandson with morals and respect as I did my own children.

I am not suicidal but very very negative and very very angry. I am feeling like a volcano that is ready to erupt. I don't want that to happen and I am holding it in at this point. Ultimately it is going to come out if people don't stay away.

As far as going to free clinic, that is where my doc was. In my state they are working on budget and cutting, cutting, and cutting. The reason I don't have a doc is that mine quit and is going to work back at the prisons and they aren't going to assign one until Nov. The case management has no budget to work with so she lost her position and will be going to the school system to do subbing for now. If they do get the money to work with she will do some case management but that is on hold for now. E.R. is not something that I will consider. Money isn't too plentiful here and I can't afford another bill to pay. I have $1200 in bloodwork every year and only have $812 a month coming in. What would I do with a ER bill?

I do have my Mother to be very thankful for. She is the one that bought my grandsons school clothes this year. She has taken me grocery shopping when I don't have the money, bought my cigarettes (can't kick this habit). She has been my rock in many ways but in the same sense I don't feel that she should have to do this for me. She is going to pick up the slack to make sure that Santa visits on Christmas. She does all this and ask for nothing in return, doesn't throw it in my face. She understands me not coming over on holidays. She is a perfect Mother with 12 kids and will help any of us. My Mother is an Angel in disguise.


10/03/2007 03:22 AM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

Hi, Redrose, I can understand about the not wanting bills, and having the frigging government not doing what they should to help has to be frustrating for you, is there a NAMI meeting that you might be able to attend? perhaps that can help, trust has been a big issue for me too, as I was abused in many ways. I always figured if you don't let them near then they can't hurt you. But the drawback to that is if you don't let them near,they can't help either. There has to be some kinda help out there, it might take a little digging, but I am sure it is there somewhere, do you qualify for medicare or something?

Carmen


10/03/2007 03:38 AM
redrose
 
Posts: 142
Member

Medicare isn't available until I have been on SSDI for two years. Just got that started in June. Medicaid thru the state has been denied every time I have applied for every reason, although their website states that I should get this automatically because I am disabled.

I have been dealing with this same caseworker since Feb. and all I get is that all I qualify for is $10 a month in food stamps. I am allowed $138 a month to pay rent and phone, so of course after paying $500 a month they have the difference of $362 as expendable income that I can use for food.

I would like to know where I can live for $138 a month, I would have been there.....

Nami isn't available in this area, there are meeting available but most of the time there is nobody attending. I have walked the three miles many times to get there and I am the only one that shows up. These are meetings that were started by an individual and obviously they don't even attend.

This support group is my only contact to the outside world as far as my disorder goes. What to do at this point is beyond me.....


10/03/2007 04:02 AM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

If you don't mind my asking, where and the heck do you live? lol, your town sounds like mine, I am out in the boonies of South Carolina, for your housing issues, I would suggest talking to the head of the DSS there in your town and see if they could get you low cost housing or section 8 housing, an you are right that you should qualify because you are disabled for the Medicaid, you sound like you have a idiot for a caseworker, you do have the right to request another and I believe I would be doing that, these government workers sometimes act like they are giving us help out of their own pockets. Looking to see if there are any disability advocates near you might help too, sometimes you have to fight these fools. Theres a number or should be on any denial letter that you get for appealing their decision on the denial, use it.. write your senator or congress man, they don't like getting mail like that, and most times will help you. It took my baby brother contacting our Senator for South Carolina, to get the Social Security people off their butts an get him approved.

I am pretty good at finding things that are hard to find, so if you would like, you could email me off board with your town and state and I would be happy to do some digging for you. My email is carmen33@isp.com

Carmen


10/03/2007 04:35 AM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

Hi redrose, maybe it is part of my bipolar, or just a quirk in my personality, but people who do not treat others like they should pisses me off to no end, here are a few links that I found via google typing in different headings. While these might not be for your state per say, they can get you in contact with people in your location that can give you assistance.

http://www.aapd.com/index.php

http://www.abanet.org/disability/

http://www.ncd.gov/

http://www.usdoj.gov/crt/ada/adahom1.htm

http://www.housingadvocatesinc.com/

while this one is for Virginia, you can contact them about one in your state

http://www.vopa.state.va.us/Programs%20and%20Goals/ Programs.htm

Hope this help you to find the help that you need. If you would like me to narrow down the search for you, you are welcome to email me privately and I will be happy to help.

Carmen

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved