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09/15/2009 09:53 PM

Bipolar and family estrangement

lovespeonies
lovespeonies  
Posts: 4166
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Has anyone had to cut off family members for there lack of support? Does anyone have a family member that is mentally ill and in denial?

For me it is all of the above. I have cut my parents off at times. I cut my brother off for almost a decade. Right now I am not talking to my sister. She is scary crazy. She actually frightens me. She is a ticking time bomb I can't trust her around my kids because the littlest things set her off. I know it sounds like it is all me. I do take responsibility for my part but I can't change them.

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09/15/2009 10:13 PM
bagofcandy
bagofcandyPosts: 1259
Senior Member

Yup, I have a sister who's a ticking time bomb, and I've had to cut her off because just talking to her for 5 minutes is infuriating, and all conversations end with one of us hanging up on the other, and crying hysterically.

I have another sister who finally became stable after about 10 years of cycling...and she was pretty evil during this time too...and I'm having a hard time figuring out whether to forgive her or not.

Neither of them is medicated nor do they think they need to be. I've tried hinting to them that things could get easier...I tell them I was able to clean myself up only because of the meds, but it never registers that I'm suggesting they see someone, and they just carry on completely mad.


09/16/2009 04:17 AM
Marimac
Posts: 340
Member

Mental illnesses cluster in families. Family members may not be bp, but they often have anxiety disorders, personality disorders, etc.

I am the designated "crazy person" in my family. In a lot of studies of families, there is usually one child that carries the weight of the dysfunction of the family--allowing the other members to ignore the problems in the home or family system.

I have distanced myself (but not severed ties totally) from one aunt and one sister because their sickness and refusal to take responsibility for their own problems have hurt me so badly.

My mother has been ill, and I have been doing the majority of the helping work for her. She and I always had problems, and I still have a lot of anger about the events that happened under her "watch" when I was a child. But she's my mother, and I don't know how to sever that. It's a very sick relationship.

Post edited by: Marimac, at: 09/16/2009 04:22 AM


09/16/2009 07:54 AM
lovespeonies
lovespeonies  
Posts: 4166
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Thanks. I am glad you two posted. I have been struggling with cutting my sister off. It has been six months since I have talked to her. I wasn't even involved in the situation it was between my husband and hers. She screamed at me for not getting involved. I thought my husband was handling it just fine. She left really mad and I haven't heard from her since.

09/16/2009 09:04 AM
Spitfire
Spitfire  
Posts: 341
Member

I've never cut anyone out of my life. My older sis totally doesn't "get it" and she's a nurse! My mother is loving and supportive b/c she has seen me switch on/off and experienced some of my worse moments. My younger sis (also a nurse) totally understands. Both her husband and youngest son, suffer as I, same mental issues. I've been blessed. I'm sorry this happens. But I really understand!

09/16/2009 09:37 AM
lovespeonies
lovespeonies  
Posts: 4166
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I never intended for my relations with my family to be so strained. I honestly love all of them and I would never want anything to happen to them. I had finally started to forgive my parents back in 2001 when my mother and I went to see a psychotherapist together. We did make some progress but not a whole lot. During that period of time I lost a friend in a car accident. I had to skip an appointment to attend the viewings and funeral. After that I was to raw to dredge up the past with my mom. She didn't try to call me or contact me after that. I don't think she liked what the therapist told her. Well time passed and I lost another friend to suicide. Eventually in 2004 my mother called my work and asked if she could come see me. I said it would be okay. We have built a relationship since but I truely don't trust her and I have been seeing alot of her old tendencies. My father is the same. They promised they have changed but they went back to there old ways this summer. I will elaborate at another time. I did reach out to my brother last year and we are on a talking basis, he doesn't know that I am bipolar. My sister is another story she is completely insane and taking no meds. She rushes her kids to the ER for the smallest of things. She has gotten really religious, but not in a good way. She told me some scary stories about her friends. She has also told me that she prayed to speak in tougues and now she does. She claims to have seen the Virgin Mary in her family room and that she hears God speak to her(in his voice). So I don't mean to come across as someone who cuts people out of there lives for no good reason. My doc says to stay clear of my sister because she triggers my manic episodes.

09/16/2009 09:49 AM
YorkieLove
YorkieLove  
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I'm an Advocate

The only person that I've cut off is my step-dad, who was alcoholic bipolar child molester. I still went to visit him in the nursing home before he died though. He had a stroke, so was childlike by then.

However, I have cut boy friends and spouses off, when I've had it with them. Once I do, that's it, it's over.

Post edited by: YorkieLove, at: 09/16/2009 04:14 PM


09/16/2009 10:08 AM
troublefindsme
Posts: 122
Member

I haave to admit, I'm a little opposite...I have no problem at all cutting ppl off. I love my friends dearly but I work very hard to keep stress/bs/drama free, obviously it would have to be more than a fight, everyone fights but if it's causing me more pain & trouble to deal w/than it should, it's just not worth it to me. I have alot of friends & family that DONT add to my anxiety & I dont need anyone who does. I dont know if it's my stubborness or what but once I set my mind to it, I could cut even my mom out (tho that will never happen thankfully) w/o more than a passing twinge of missing her ever again. It's good that you all can forgive so easily, just be careful the ppl you choose to forgive are the right ones.

09/16/2009 12:19 PM
bagofcandy
bagofcandyPosts: 1259
Senior Member

LP, I have also been struggling about having had to cut my sisters off. My eldest sister, now that she's apparently stable, wants to pretend that she wasn't an asshole the last 10 years, and is trying to be buddy buddy the way we were before she got so evil.

I hate the way that she treated out mother....truly I find it appalling, but on the other hand I understand that she suffered at the hand of my biological father more than any of us because she was 10 years older....and I can kind of understanding her resentment for mom.

It's hard to struggle with whether you should cut people out or whether you should forgive them once you have...especially when it comes to family...when you're kids you never expect anything like this to happen, and yet here we all are.


09/16/2009 06:44 PM
TBARR
Posts: 15
Member

marimac,

I too have so much trouble with my mother who is bp. I love her so much it hurts, but her episodes kill me emotionally. I have had to cut her off several times and each time we seem to repeat the same patterns.

I am trying to learn more about her disease this time around. She was just recently diagnosed 2 years, but she hates that she is bp and does not stay on her meds regularly and struggles with addiction. It hurts me deeply that she lives her life so carelessly and that I can not fix her or convince her that she needs to take her bp more seriously.

My heart just aches for my mother before bp, I can't seem to get over it.

How have you managed, do you have any advice me?

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