bipolar spouse

I am bipolar, and, am in a relationship with someone who is very sick. He can't do anything but, can do as much as he can, to help out around the house.Which, sometimes is not at all. I can deal with it pretty well most of the time. I relate, that, He will be where he is at, no matter what, I do. I have 4 kids, and can't work right now, because of my bipolar. So, we are going through some challenges.

I have learned a lot from our situation. It's not his fault he is sick. I don't have to take my frustration out on him. I can take care of my kids and me. That may mean, I can leave, and get a break and take my kids to the park. I can use my tools to deal with my frustration. I have support from friends and family, I can use. I journal, and I have places like this where I can vent. I have also learned how to support someone who's sick with out being selfish, and expecting too much from them. I can't depend on him to be my partner, right now. He is too sick. I want to get mad at him because he is incapable of being the father, the partner, the employee, the bread winner, etc, anymore that he was when he is healthy. We have been going through this for a year, now. He has also had to deal with me when I was too sick to be the person, I am capable of being when I am stable.

We have not always dealt with this perfectly. But, we went from fighting, and blaming eachother, to, accepting that we are not gonna be perfect, right now. We can only do the best we can.We talk about our problems and support eachother through them. We also allow eachother the space to have our feelings, and try not to take it personal. As for what the kids are learning, they are learning about real life. My kids know, I take meds, and that helps me be a better mother. They are learning about sickness, and sometimes people get sick and have to take time to get better. They have had to do without a lot, in the last year, but, they have what they need. We have been learning about what is really important. We have our basics, taken care of. Thae challenges in our lives can be opportunities. Opportunities to learn about how to love without selfishness, and expectation, and how to use our tools, and how to be happy no matter what happens in our lives. I can also try to be a good example to my children.We can teach our children what o do if they end up with bipolar,or any other illness. It's taken a lot of work to deal with my sick fiance, and I have not dealt with it perfectly, but, I can learn from my mistakes. I also had a lot of help. I put my kids in counseling, too. We needed a lot of support while me and my fiance started both getting sick. Everything changed, and it can be really scary, when something like this dissrupts your whole life. Anyway, I thought,I would put my two cents in. I hope this helps, God bless, Gypsy

Anyway, in the last week she has gone from wanting to be with always, to knowing there is no way we can be together because we are too different, to wanting to be friends, and now to all out hating me...I think she is going to start on Lithium soon---how long does it take for it to get into the system, and start making a difference? (i imagine its wait and see--everyone is different?).

When I started meds 6 mos ago, I started on Lithium, and I had fast results, but,I didn't lie to my S/O. I was honest about my issues, and about needing help.

Not everyone who has a mental disorder lies. At least I didn't know I was hiding anything.

I was in denial of my illness, and the effect it had on others.

It sounds like this woman isn't ready for a relationship. She has just started taking meds, and that's a big start, but, she is telling you pretty clearly by actions, and words, that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. You can't make her be something she isn't. It sounds like you are hoping for something, and want to believe that something is going to happen, that, isn't, right now. When, I was in my illness, I could not be available for anyone. Now that I am getting help, I can't always be available for my S/O either. I am in therapy, and working on me. It's a pretty intense disorder, and it takes alot to learn how to manage it. I would give her some space, and let he get help for herself and, let her make her own decisions about what she wants. I as a person don't like people scrutinizing over everything, I do. I get paranoid enough, I don't need someone waiting and watching everything I do. She is an adult, and needs to beable to be treated like one, just like anyone else. So, anyway, maybe you could get some support for you, while she is getting help. There are lots of counselors, and support groups for family members of bipolar people. She is going to do, what she is going to do ,inspite of how you feel. It's not personal, it's just how this disorder is. Anyway, Godbless, Gypsy

We separated, and after 3 months of her doing her thing...a few relationships, she came back. I told her i would like to be friends for a while, and see where things go...

She absolutely and completely bombarded me with cards, emails, texts, messages. She said she has realized what she wants, and will not relent until i give in. After 5 weeks of this, her being absolutely sure she wants to be together as a family again...everything changes. All I am trying to do is sort out what all this means, she says that given her condition, i should realize how hard it was for her to stay committed for those 5 weeks, and see that she does really want this. Now that i am trying to back away and give her space, she is warning me that i will regret not supporting her...and promises that if i won't be there for her, she will find someone who will.

As far as the drug situation, this is where it is: she just stopped taking Effexor (her doctor prescribed it about a year ago to treat her depression). Apparently she has to be off of Effexor for 2 weeks before starting Lithium...that is what she has told me. Does anyone know what the possible effect is of taking just Effexor when you are bipolar? Could that make her have extended or more intense mania?

All i really want is for her to be ok with herself, and to figure out where i fit in....Do i believe 5 weeks of dedication means that is what she wants---or 2 weeks of confusion---or neither??

My husband was on Effexor but an extreme low dose. They uped him and when they did he seemed to do much better. However, if he misses one day it is all over. He is shaky, dizzy and sleeps for days. He is on effexor with Lamictal and adderall. He doesn't take the lamictal but the effexor and adderall seem to keep him at an even keel. I am scared b/c of the withdrawl symptoms. I don't know, I just wonder how much these meds work? Even when he is on the meds he is still absent. Does that make sence? He shows up but he's not here. I see him staring off into space, I see him sleeping any chance he gets. So, I don't know, I am hanging on by a shoe string---