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chico
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Hi, I know exactly how you are feeling! I too am a spouse of a bipolar husband. I have been very supportive for the 12 years of my marriage however, lately, I am really questioning living this life for the rest of my life. I am told to celebrate the times I have my "old" husband and grieve the lost of the man I married. I don't know if I can do this. It is so sad to see him the way he is- it's almost like I view him as a child and not as my husband! I am really struggling with the resentment and desperation i have been feeling. He is on Effexor(225mg)lamictal(25mg) and adderall 30mg. I have to say, this combination has been sucessful for him. We have tried Wellbutrin which was awful and scary and Lexapro where we didn't see any sucess. He wasn't consistent with going to the doc., so I think he was on such a low dose it wasn't fair to rule it didn't work. He was and has been hospitalized in the past--very hard to witness. He has the extreme lows where he doesn't get out of bed for 3 days. I don't see the manic as much. There are times leading up to the seclusion where he will stay up till 4am cleaning or organizing??? How about you/ Do you have children? What ar eyour feelings? Do you feel like running away? Fantasize about having a spouse who takes care of you and is equal in your relationship? Do you feel alone? I hear ya sister!!! |
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bduck40
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I know exactly how you feel......I wish at times, I didn't have to take care of the childess behavior that my wife performs. I'm currently seperated from my wife, with divorce papers in the works. It has been a wild ride....I could have proabably stay in the union if she were serious about getting help, but at this time, she sees that she dosn't need any. My heart goes out to you and anybody else that lives with the probalem. |
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StellaOntario
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I have been married for over 20 years. The man that I married is no more....I don't know what happened to him but he just became someone that I no longer know...or trust...
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clc79092
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My daughter met with her mother a couple days ago. She still is living in a motel with her boyfriend but now she has a girlfriend too. She wanted to come by for Christmas when my son and I go to visit the grandkids. Without the bf. I told my daugher that since she is telling everyone I am threatening her even though I havent spoke to her in 6 weeks that if she comes by my son and I will leave immediately. I refuse to be in the same house with her at this time. My son has finally gotten to the point that he does not cry in his sleep every night and I will not let her play head games with him. She has been told repeatedly that if she wants to come home she just has to put on the wedding rings and come home but she will have to have treatment. Unfortunately the effort necessary to repair the relationship with her son would require lots of face time over probably at least a year or more. That is more effort than she has ever put into anything because her shifts from mania to depression cycles over about 8 to 10 months and when it shifts what she wants in life shifts. She doesnt admit she has a problem. No Problem? before she took off with her bf she would drink a pot of cofee every morning and when it was gone then it was time to start drinking beer (supposedly she had quit the narcotics). Unfortunately for me I cannot help but love her. I know it would be another never ending rollercoaster ride if she came back but I will always want her in my arms. I always forgave her whan she cheated and I would this time too. That sucks. Cody |
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mommaj
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I'm dealing with the same problem and I wish someone could give me a cut/dry answer. I'm so tired of this disease. Hang in there we will make it! Post edited by: mommaj, at: 10/07/2007 13:48 |
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Gypsy
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Hi, I am bipolar, and it has taken me a long time to finally get sober, and then,admit, I was sick, and needed help. It had to get really bad, before, I gave up on trying to control it. I had been through a lot of therapy in my life, to find out what the problem was. I thought it was my parents, or my bad relationships. I couldn't understand why, I couldn't keep a job, and why I would isolate for long periods of time. I didn't want to accept, I had a mental illness. I have been through alot of disfunctional relationships, and manic adventures, before I hit a bad enough depression, and was suicidal, until, i finally went and got help. That was 6 mos ago. Life has gotten a lot better. All anyone could do for me, was try to tell me the truth, and support me in getting help. No one could make me see my problem, or get help, until, I was willing. I also wasn't capable of having consistant relationships with anyone, because of my mania, and my depression. I can't tell anyone what they should do. I would suggest getting help for you, and taking care of you. The bipolar person will do what they are doing inspite of anyone, or anything. Its not personal, and you are not to blame. It's the disease we are dealing with. Until, the person takes responsility for their treatment, there is nothing you can do. It's a difficult disease to deal with. I hope this helps, God bless, Gypsy God Bless,Gypsy |
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damselndistress
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It's hard to figure out how it is possible to have a healthy marriage when the person you are married to is not healthy and they do not think or behave as a normal person. Always impulsive always directed by the feelings of the day. How can there be any consistency in that? How can you build a relationship on that? When one day they love you and can't live without you and the next you are the cause of all of their problems in life and a worthless loser? How do you develop a long lasting relationship based on those principles? It's just two people hanging on to each other.
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Gypsy
Posts: 1646
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It sounds like your S/O is not getting help for his bipolar. And if he isn't wanting help, than there isn't much you can do. I am bipolar, and it took me a long time to get out of denial about being bipolar. I needed meds, and therapy, and had to be the one to want, and get help. Until then, I let my mental illness run my life, and a lot of people got hurt. I have also had a sick person, for an S/O, and I had to learn to let go, and set boundaries, and find ways to get help for me. I went to therapy, read books on codependency.I had to get space from my S/O, and get my life back. Its easy to get pulled in and let them walk all over us. I had to learn, that I wasn't to blame for someone else's illness. When I was in the throws of my illness, I was not capable of having a healthy relationship. I was either depressed, and isolating or running, on mania. All any one could do for me was suggest I get help, and when I was ready i took the suggestions. So, until he's ready, stay out of the way, realize it's his disease, that is talking, and take care of you and your kids. God bless, Gypsy God Bless,Gypsy |
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Will22
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Hi, I have been with my wife for 5 years. In the beginning her mood swings were because of a history of depression...then it was because of her pregnancy, then it was because of the crazyness of having a child, and no time together. Basically the same cycle has been repeated over and over...things are great, she loves me more than anything---happier than she has ever been---then i find out she is persuing another relationship, and lying about it. She hasn't gone more than 2 months without this cycle repeating. Eventually the trust has been worn down to nothing, finally in the spring she found someone she was in love with, and left me, but before he moved here to be with her she had already found someone else. We have now been separated for 5 months, and the last 5 weeks she has been "dedicated to earning trust back", and desperately wants her family back. I had hoped that things would be different, but the same thing has happened again, I believe her when she says she loves me, and wants to be a family again (we have 2 children now). The last meltdown we had she mentioned that she thought she was bipolar, so ended up at this website reading peoples stories that could have been written by me...she hasn't been officially diagnosed, but I am nearly positive that this is what we have been trying to work through with no treatment or meds. Now my question is this, do you think it is better for me to step away from her until she seeks help on her own?(she knows and admits she needs it, but hasn't followed through yet), Or should I be enduring this situation until she gets the help she/we need? She says she wants my support to do this, but I don't want to commit to anything until she truly seeks help. Right now we are at a very low point, and i fully expect the worst...suggestions or comments??? |
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chico
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Step back until she seeks help. You will be forever on this rollercoaster until to stop enabling and make her prove to you. You sound like a terrific guy with a big heart. This diease is awful and the only way for someone to live with it is for the person who has it to step up and take control. We cannot do it for them. I have lived it for 12 years. Trust me when I say, it will continue to go on and on until she gets the right meds and soctor. Good luck, it took us 12 years before we had a dx and things have improved but no way near to being perfect. In fact, I hold no hope for the word cured or great improvement. Step back if anything, for the children. |
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