Advice plz

Last yr in June he asked me to leave ( this is not the first time i have left once with him asking and once because he would not get help) untill 5 yrs ago he hardly could keep a job, he is extremly moody and has rages(bad ones)

sound familier?

questions i have here is i will tell you some of the things he's done and said and i want to know if these are normal reactions for someone with Bipolar or am i being played.

1. he became obessed with a online game and a person on this game.

2.he has rages where becomes violent its like another person takes over.i have been the victim of domestic incidence. at times really bad

3.he is moody always and changes constantly.. very confusing

4.told me that this online person had approached him about a relationship. she asked some questions i asked some questions but i decided crazy was full up here <these are the words he said.

5.told me i am useless, a PoS, leach amoung other things

6.tells me he loves me and then tells me how awful i am and then wont speak to me for a time. has also said i lie? i have never in my life!!! and when i ask about this he can give me no answer?

7.wont stay in counseling.. as soon as they say meds he runs....

8. any time you try to have a discussion about ANYTHING its always you're fault it happens.

9. last 6 visits i have had i go to try see him.. not to cause stress not discuss anything cause just seems to set him off so i leave it alone for now.he will start to fuss at me about me things i have no control over...example. i have diabetes i test alot(have tons of trouble i have to) it makes a noise when i open the bottle of reagent strips. makes him mad and he starts fussing well heck i am not happy over having to test either!!!eat it i have to!!

then next visit he will send email and say i would rather you not come cause YOU always start a fight and cause drama. but he sends this email at times when he is sure i wont get it before i get down there.sometimes its fine i get down there and check email and there this is. when i ask about the email he will say he does not rememeber sending it? or i was stressed at work?

10. will tell me at times he says wants to work on this (our relationship and his trouble)then all sudden tells we have no relationship and its of no concern of mine what he does or how he is?

now the very last visit i had his brother and sister in law came to town i was invited to come see them to so i go. he was nothing but mean not only to me but bro to.

he finally talks to me a little after they leave says he is a rapid cycling manic drepressive.. ok as far as i know he's no longer seeing anyone

so what do i do?? the things i use to do to help calm him seem to set him off now. i love this person with all my heart! i want to help!

is there a chance this man does love me? or am i being stupid in trying to hang on?

any help or clue much appreciated!!! feel free to send pm's to

thank you for time reading this long post

confused145

Post edited by: confused145, at: 09/27/2007 16:31

Post edited by: confused145, at: 09/27/2007 16:33

My name is J.D. Stottlemire. I developed bipolar when I was seven and didn't get help till I was twenty-seven. So I've been where your friend is.

First, your friend does sound much like I did before I was ready to accept diagnosis but that doesn't really matter at the moment because

Second, it is never okay, regardless of the circumstances, for you to allow yourself to be the victim of violence physical or emotional. If your friend said to you, "Oh well, I'm sane but I'm going to go hang out with someone who I have every reason to believe will beat the shit out of me every so often," what would you say to them?

You cannot make someone else safe until you are safe. If he is out of control and hurts you, he will only loathe himself more. You won't have made him better.

Our society seems to teach us that helping someone means putting sugar on their pain at our own expense. This just doesn't work. Often times, true love means saying, "I love the real you enough to stay away till you can find yourself." Love is not the training wheels that keep you from falling. Love is the gentle hand that helps you back onto the bike after you've fallen.

Take care of yourself. If its meant to be, he'll find his way back to you. It's his decision. Trust me. I burned plenty of people before I was ready to face myself.

J.D. Stottlemire

so many things i want to know and i am unsure how to ask.i dont want to fight but i need to have some kind of understanding.. i am strange like that i guess.

i feel betrayed and lost.

hugs to all,

confused145

so many things i want to know and i am unsure how to ask.i dont want to fight but i need to have some kind of understanding.. i am strange like that i guess.

i feel betrayed and lost.

hugs to all,

confused145

I will tell you I think you are in a world of trouble. You love the guy, but I am sorry to say that if he doesn't try to help himself along with your help then he can't be helped and your relationship will have no way of working.

I am in a relationship where we are seperated till I can get better, and I am willing to. I am starting to get better on medications and seeing my therapist and if I can do it, he can do it.

I was really bad as well and it just takes mind, body, time , a heart,family and friends to help you. But you have to try as well. What I am trying to say is you can't just do it for him.

Here are a few steps i've learned to take:

First of all, you must have him try and see a doctor or councelor and get on some medication. You could, if he is willing to, maybe search for other ways of treating bipolar disorder with out using meds but rarely I see that happening.

I am no doctor but it sounds like a good possibility he does have it. You and he must research this illness together because the more research you do, the more you and he will understand and the doctors say this is good therapy for family and friends of a person with Bipolar and also for the person who has the illness themselves.

I use to tell my significant other that I was moving out a million times, but that didn't mean I didn't love her. I was angry at the time I'd say it and I would also call her names and then forget what I even said because with Bipolar sometimes you act out of anger or sadness and you don't realize you said or like you said , " sent the email".

That is the unfortunate thing. People who are Bipolar do not realize how much we are hurting the person we love the most. But it does hurt when we realize it, but probably won't show it till later when we aren't going through the mood swing anymore.

Go to this SITE:

treat-bipolar-disorder-inc.com

It will show you the signs of Bipolar. I hope I have helped atleast alittle. I hope things get better. But until he can get better, your relationship cannot get better!

GoodLuck!

i have no help from anyone in his family on this.i have begged for long time for him to keep going. but looks like i am ignored. is there anyway to approach this without makeing him start to cycle again. its gotten tothe point where i am afraid to speak about anything.

also i had to move so far away, should i look into to someway to get get back to town where he is? or not?

i cant give up on this and i am trying with all my might to not let it damage me.

also in anyones opinion- i wonder if i can trust him at all now? with his state of mind is it likely he is cheatng on me or will?

thank you,

confused145

I feel really bad that you have to go through this because it doesn't sound like he's willing to make ANY effort at all to help you help him. All I can say is you can only do so much.

Maybe try approaching him by taking him to dinner or having a nice quiet romantic (even) dinner at home. Let him know how much you truley care. Then atleast you can say you tried if he happens not to listen. Make him listen to you by simply taking his hand, looking into his eyes, let him know how much you love him and asking him to please let you know how he'd like you to help him.

Maybe he just needs to open up and if he won't to you, he probably won't to anyone and he is not going to be able to be helped much either way, which is not your fault or responsibility considering you are already willing to go out of your way to help him.

If you feel he is a threat or harm to himself or anyone else, you can get him court committed. He may love you in the end for it, or he may resent you. You do have risks to take by choosing to help someone who is Bipolar.

If you feel he is going to cheat on you , then the best thing for you to do is asking him once about it and if he says NO, all you can do really is just watch for the signs.

Being on the computer and making comments about being interested in another girl is totally unacceptable when you are in love with someone else and in a relationship with the one you are supposed to be in love with. Let him know this isn't a game you are playing and you can only give him so many chances. By the way it sounds, he does NOT seem very trustworthy at all!

I wouldn't move closer to him just to be closer to him quite yet. Do you have family you can stay with and get a temp job that is closer to him if you want to try working on this relationship?

You must ask yourself three "What if" questions:

1.) What if I move all the way back to where he lives and he is not willing to help himself or change how he treats me?

2.) What if he tells me he loves me and he is not cheating but then I find him cheating?

3.) What if I should have given it more time before making a decision to move back and I AM damaging myself by putting my whole self in the middle of HIS problems which HE doesn't even care about fixing, and I am left to try and fix them all on my own.

The fact is, only he can fix his problems, and only HE can be willing. You have alot to think about and I am sorry you must go through this. It must be VERY hard for you.

Tori and I will still be seperated even though I am willing to better myself. We won't be moving in together , but soon I hope to move back out of my parents house and find a place of my own which Tori and the kids could stay nights with me and visit me more often .

But I AM WILLING TO HELP MYSELF and that is the DIFFERENCE! At one time I, too, gave little or no ambition of embracing the opportunities of help by others and of helping myself. But now I have found it, so maybe he will too.

You still have to take care of YOU and that is the most important. Before you can help or take care of someone else you must take care of YOURSELF! YOU COME FIRST! But find out and do research on what he is really all about so he doesn't take advantage of your time and of your heart!

Better days are soon to come!

April

lady i spoke to seems to think a person there can give me alot of insite and advice, so go there on monday evening.

atm he is trying everything i think to push me away and i dont understand why? is it that he no longer loves me? or is this just a part of bipolar?am trying with my now bloody hands to hang on.. but i am sliding....

And don't believe the you "set him off". The key point to remember about bipolar is that it is a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE. The mood changes come when there is a change in the brain's biochemistry. And yes the meds do help but they are not a cure all. Because the brain can adjust to meds or not respond to them at all. Treatment of bipolar is a lifelong struggle. So I put to you can you go through what you are going through currently for the rest of your life? Is your love strong enough to continue this. If your hands are bloody now from hanging on imagine another month or two. If he starts to seek consistent treatment and stops being in denial about his disorder. And I say disorder not disease because a disease is something that is an external force that enters the body and causes problems, whereas a disorder is something already present when the person is born and is internally caused.

Also an addition, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.