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woodhaven8439
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Good evening! It has taken me a long time to post to anyone regarding my experience with a bipolar spouse. In a nutshell, after 14 years of hell in marriage, my spouse wanted a divorce to marry his mistress (hooray). Dealing with the mess he has left his former family in has been very trying. We have gone from a lifestyle of season tickets to the opera, to seeking aide for utility payments. I am not comfortable writing more at this point in time. But, from what I have seen so many stories posted are so similar, just the abuse varies... My main question is, how long does it take to balance one's life again, and to trust other men, that could be a good friend or more. I alternate between dipping my toes in the water, to running in reverse as fast as I can. I had actually met a very good man, but he had been in a similar situation... I wish I could have known him better, but... maybe it's just too hard or too much to try and have a "normal" life again. I know that mine will not be totally "ex-free" until our child turns 18. Any thoughts, suggestions or past experiences? thanks! Woodhaven |
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amom
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Welcome Woodhaven I think there is no one ans for everyone Speaking for myself I was married for 6 years and 3 kids when I was very young lots of abuse lots of him cheating on me.When I finally left him I thought I would never find a man who would want me {I was 'damaged goods' and had 3 young sons.then while at work {nursing assistant in an intensive care unit at the time]and I met the most amazing man [we have been married almost 27 years.So you never know Good Luck to you I'm glad you posted there are a lot of really good people here!!!amom |
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glory
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After my divorce, (20 years with a NON-BIPOLAR man who cheated!) I played for 7 years, (3 of which I lived with a guy), so really 4 years, I got lonely for someone to keep my feet warm every night! lolol Before then, I gotta tell ya, I played hard and had the time of my life. I would never take back a day of being 41 and single with my own money and no one to take care of but me!! Try it....you might like it for awhile. This is your time, baby, ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gloria
"We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is.
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norma
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Welcome Woodhaven, there are several people on this site who have separated and divorced a person with bipolar disease. And there are some threads on that subject that have a great deal of information. Make yourself at home and browse around. Feel free to join in on the discussions. I am sure you have lots to share. As far as dating again and having a normal life, I would think your life would be normal since you do not have bipolar disease and are a normal person. You are free to make your own future. I hope it is a bright one for you. Glad you joined us...and hope you find support here. We are here for you. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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Gypsy
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Hi Woodhaven, Welcome. I am glad you have found us. I have bipolar, but, have been in a few long term relationships. After each one, I went out and dated. I didn't commit to anyone. I just went shopping. The last one, I was left with 2 kids, and pregnant. I thought, I was damaged good, too. 5 yrs ago, I found someone way better, than the other guys, that, I was with before. There is someone out there for you.Make sure to take care of yourself first. Put yourself as a priority now, you deserve it after what you have been through. Hang out, feel free to vent, share or ask questions. You are not alone. God Bless,Gypsy |
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woodhaven8439
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Thank you all for your support, no matter what your side of the story is... In answer to one post regarding a "Normal life", I still have to deal with an ex-spouse who almost lost our house and everything to gambling debts, I am still paying off finacial debts he incurred, currently dealing with his filing a motion to reduce child and spousal support (how do you reduce from zero payments?). but, yes, my life is much more relaxed and slowly going to a more managable pace. Good night. Woodhaven |
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glory
Posts: 3367
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night wood have peaceful happy dreams
"We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is.
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norma
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Good night Wood...sweet dreams. glad you are here. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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carmen33
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Hi Wood, welcome to the group, we are glad to have you here, like a lot of the others have said, coming out of a abusive situation it is easy to think you are damaged, and in a sense you are, your self esteem has been damaged, do what you have to do to take care of yourself and your child, to hell with him, and before you know it there will be someone in your life that will love you for who you are and want to be there for you. |
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norma
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Hi Wood, I was the one who posted about having a Normal Life. My meaning so there is no misunderstanding is that you do not have bipolar disease. So, you by all rights be able to enter into a normal relationship when dating. I was divorced from a 24 yr marriage to an abusive person. I am the bipolar one. So I know what it is like to have to date again. Something I learned in therapy that helped me a lot is that we tend to pick the same kinds of people over and over again. After several times ending up in relationships that would start out lovely but, end up being abusive I sought counseling. There I realized the reason for the problem was not the other people but, me. I picked the same type of person. I am now happily married to a wonderful man for the past 5 years. So that is what I was saying about being normal that you can go on with your life and your future is bright. And the past does not have to haunt you or make you bitter. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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