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hating these past couple of days



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09/27/2007 10:21
cfl9398
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Having a crappy couple of days here. Things were fairly smooth, but since Monday I have several times during the day when I feel like crawling out of my skin. I rage. I want to cry. I want to sleep. I want to hit, kick anything and everything I see when I'm like this. Of course I don't cause that would be wrong, but my God the urge is soooo strong. The last time I was like this I was locking myself in my bedroom so I wouldn't hurt the kids. Right now I run a daycare in my home with 2 2yearolds so I can't exactly run and hide when the evil comes out. I just sit there and pray, and wish it to go away....of course I also take an Ativan. Hate takin them, cause I get tired on top of it all..Hate to come here to just whine but I have to get this out. My hubby somehow thinks it's his fault and wants to fix it. Can't fix it dammit, deal with it! Anyone have any suggestions or comments? Anything would be great.

cfl9398

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09/27/2007 11:50
chico
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Hey there- good for you for reaching out and asking for help! How are you doing now?

Popular posts by chico
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09/27/2007 12:11
10Myne
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Hi,

are you sure you are in the right career? Daycare can be very stressful. Stress is always a factor in how well we cope with this disease. I found out that my meds seemed to work best when I controlled the stress in my life. That meant quitting the job I had. I eventually had to stop working alltogether in order to keep my mood stable. Not everyone can do this but try evaluating the stressful parts of your life and simplify.

I hope you are feeling better.



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09/27/2007 16:12
carmen33
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Hi, cfl, I was just wondering if you had ever tried a different medication, ativan to me is more of a antidepressant and what you said about your rage, reminded me so much of me, I would get where I just prayed that someone would hit my car so that I would have a legitmate reason for simply beating the living tar out of someone, like you I found the best thing that I could do for myself and others, was lock myself away and put a do not disturb sign on the door. Actually it was a picture of a fire breathing dragon and disturb and die at the bottom..lol my brothers knew when this was on the door the safest thing for all concerned was to stay the hell away from me, I have left work before over this kinda feeling.. the deeper the feeling the more likely I was to get a migrane which in turn made my mood that much worse. Maybe you could try talking to your doctor about another medication, something that will help stabilize your moods, during my search for what was wrong with me, I found in bipolar two that this rage and frustration were part of it, I've been on lamictal for about 8 weeks now, and I can say that it has made a world of difference in my moods.

Hope you are feeling better

Carmen

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09/28/2007 07:32
Gypsy
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Hi,

I know how you feel. I am on Abilify and Lamictal, and I hit a phase of mixed mania, just in the last few days. I wasn't extremely depressed or extremely angry, but, I was irritable, and negative, and wanted to push everyone away. It is like having gravel move through me. I had to go see my pdoc, so, I could get another mood stablizer, for the mixed mania. I also journal, and talk it out with my counselor, and caseworker. They gave me a mood chart, too. I am also on an anti anxiety med, which helps, too. I am bipolar 1, and a rapid cycler. Which doesn't help. So, anyway, I hope this helps, Gypsy

God Bless,Gypsy
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