Bipolar break-up

Gloria

Gloria

I have a question. If you think she is so manipulative, and the other things you called her, why would you want her back?

If you let her know you thought that, why wouldn't she leave? If she is going to leave she is going to take her kids.

The reason she is doing these things is because she has bipolar, and doesn't know how to handle things the right way. Her mind flips back, and forth from mood to mood. I have bipolar 1 with rapid cycling. With out meds, I go through at least 4 or 5 different moods in a week, sometimes a day. I tried to run away from home a few times, before, I got on meds a year ago. I am very sensitive about other's judgements on me. I get suspicious and paranoid, and had intrusive thoughts that tell me people are trying to hurt my kids, or me. One day, I could be paranoid of the daycare guy, who is harmless. The lying and manipulation is a need to control, or work the situation to get what she wants. Maybe she has a hard time asking for what she wants, because you don't trust her, or are always suspicious of her. Maybe she loved you but didn't know how to have a healthy relationship. She cut and ran from something. Maybe she knew you wanted out, so she did you a favor. Maybe for once she isn't being selfish.

Or she left out of spite, because of your opinion of her, she might be showing you how it is with out her.

I had a lot of baggage when, I met my current fiance. I had to deal with a lot of old unhealthy ways of relating to people. When, I left someone in the past, I just cut, and ran. I didn't know how to say good bye. I didn't know how to resolve conflict. It was always the other person's fault, too.

How to deal with her? Be honest, and business like, and don't let her pull you in. Let her know your there for the kids, but, start saying NO.

It looks like you gave alot, and didn't get what you expected in return, so you are mad. Maybe she didn't break up with you the way you think she should have, but, you are now done. You don't have to put up with her illness, and she can go on her marry way, and hit bottom, eventually.

I am sorry about the situation with the kids. I also think you have been so reactive to her, and protecting the kids, that you might be having a hard time letting go. You don't have to control her, or take care of her. She is not your financial burden, anymore. Do you really need her to resolve the issue with the house? Maybe, she wants to cut ties completely.

Let her make her choices, and you make your own decisions with out her.

It also might help if you researched this illness online.

Hang in there, break ups are rough, and painful for everyone. I have 4 kids, and I know how kids, can be dragged through their parents dysfunction.

We are here for you.

I don't really want her back. I understand what you're saying about what I thought about her, makes sense. I just would like to have an amicable relationship with her and I would like her to let me see the kids once in a while. I know I'm not their dad, and have no rights to visitation, but I would like to see them every once in a while. Go to one of the 8 yr olds lax games.

It's very hard to just forget 2 kids you've raised for the past 2 1/2 years and seen every day. I came into their life when they were 4 & 5 1/2 and shortly after we all lived together. I raised them as they were mine. Why would she want to cut ties completely when she always told me she would never do this to me - about the kids? She said she knew how much they love me.

Yes, I do need her for the house. Technically, I can't do anything without her ok. I put her name on it. It was purchased with her paying half of the mortg. and now I'm paying the whole thing, which is not easy. I resent her for that. Why should she be able to just walk out on a financial obligation and pretend it's not there. I could never do that to someone.

I have done plenty of research on BPD. I was the one that got her diagnosed and help. When i met her she was not diagnosed and not on medication. It didn't take long before I knew something wasn't right with her. I did my own research and after some time and alot of things happening in our relationship, leaving me, drinking, substance abuse, she agreed to get help. I quit drinking and completely changed my lifestyle so that it would be easier for her to stay healthy. Then even with the meds it seemed like there always had to be some issue with someone. Some sort of drama. It was never calm. It was as if she thrived on drama.

You said to be business like with her - Can I ask how the kids are? Or should I pretend like I don't care? Right now, we do not talk at all, but on occasion I would like to maybe drop her a text or an email and just ask how they are. What do you think about that?