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crown01
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I was in a 3 year relationship with a bipolar woman, that definately had its ups and downs. She has now moved out of our house and will not let me see her children, that I have raised as my own for the past 3 years. I love the kids and the kids love me. I feel so bad for them because I have no idea what they think or what she has told them. She will not discuss any business with me, such as what to do with our 500k house. I don't know what to do because she will not communicate with me about anything. WHen she left she took things that belong to me and will not give them back. I cannot trust that she is being honest and she will not even let me know how the kids are. It's so hard to understand her when my brain just does not work like hers. I have done everything I can do to make this relationship work and now that it's over she's still giving me a hard time. Why won't she just sit down with me and discuss what we are going to do with our house? She won't even talk to me on the phone. Will it get better? What should I do? |
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norma
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Dear Crown, Welcome to the forum...sorry you are having problems.... Were you married or just in a relationship? If you bought house together and it is in both names maybe she doesn't want to sell. Also, was the payment predicated on her helping financially? How long has she been gone? I know I am being nosy...and you do not have answer the above...just would like to understand situation a little better. So maybe could shed some light and give support...since you ask will it get better and what should you do... We are here for you and there are lots of people here to give support and share insight...you are not alone. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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crown01
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We were not married, but lived as we were. Yes, it is in both names. One minute she says (over text mess.) she will sign the house over to me because she just wants to be done with everything, then she shuts down when I say ok. Yes, the understanding was she would pay half and I pay half. Well, she just ups and leaves and is paying more for a townhouse that is less than what we had. She is not helping me financially at all. She knows I will make the payments so I don't hurt my credit. She has been gone for 2 weeks. None of it makes any sense and if she really wants to be done with everything, her actions are not supporting that. I can't help but wonder if this is all a game.
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norma
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Dear Crown, If she has an obligation to pay house note she needs to meet it. Period. And if she is on the mortgage note she can sign over house all day long but she still is obligated financially. That is her responsiblitity, to pay her portion...unless you refinance...house. Now, I am wondering what precipitated her leaving? Was it one instance or an accumulation. Was there any warning? "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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glory
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Hi crown, welcome to the group. Feel free to ask questions, give answers, roam around and read, join in discussions, and make somefriends. I hope you find some comfort with us. Could I please have a few more facts about your relationship with the S.O.? 1. How old are the kids? 2. Throughout the relationship has she proven herself a liar, if not, what are you afraid she has told the kids? 3. How long has it been since she moved out of the home? 4. Does she have a monatary investment in the house? 5. Are the things she took that are yours, a significant part of you life? 6, Again, why don't you trust her? If she is going through a rough time with the break-up, depending on when it happened. don't expect business to be her priority. Remember, she has kids who are probably very confused, and is dealing with that right now. Is she under a DR.'s care for the BPD? Does she take her meds as prescribed? As for right now.......I wouldn't do anything.......be patient for now. Gloria glory |
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crown01
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Yes, she does have the financial obligations, however you cannot get blood from a turnip. The kids are 6 and 8. Yes, she has proven herself to be liar in the past and to constantly thrive on drama. I have the monetary investment in the house. She is under a dr's care, however she has been abusing pain meds, so I do not know if that is interfering with her meds or not. Also, she has been under tremendous stress lately, which I know is terrible for BP. The break-up had been coming. It was just getting to be too much on me and I was getting stressed out. I just wasn't as patient with her as I'd been in the past. The little things were really starting to wear on me and I was beginning to wonder if I was crazy. It took a toll on me and I blame myself for that because I feel it was my job to keep things stable. |
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Gypsy
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Hi crown, Welcome, I am glad you have found us. I am sorry you are going through all of this. I am sure you are confused. I would just give her some space. I would take care of you for now, and educate yourself about bipolar. There is alot of info from bipolar spouses on this forum. I am sure you will find a lot of support here. I have bipolar, and know, when, I am in a rough place, and not sure what, i want. I hide out. I just need to be left alnone until, I am ready to come out. God Bless,Gypsy
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norma
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Dear Crown that explains a lot...the stress and pain meds can be stressors that set off bipolar mania. Lying and drama seem to be problems some bipolar people have, but, not all of them. It depends on the person. I personally believe it depends on the underlying values of the person and how badly bipolar exacerbates them. The children are young and unfortunately have to live in the situation their mother creates. They are the ones that suffer a lot of times in a situation like this. All you can do is live through this by taking care of yourself and trying to make a life. I personally do not think anyone can make someone come back or get help unless the person wants to. No magic words or forumla. Just good old common sense, setting realistic boundaries of behavior, and dealing with situation with a calm manner. You might want to also check out the Co-dependent Group...there is a lot of good information and support there about relationships. You are not alone...we are here for you. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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crown01
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Gypsy - So you are saying just let her "hide out" and figure out what she wants? No, she has uprooted 2 children and put 4 lives in complete shambles. I'm sorry, but I'm not that easy. Norma- So you think this is some sort of episode? I do love her and I do believe she loves me. So, do you think she will want to come back or do you think that's why she is leaving her options open, by not making any decision about the house. She is very calculating and manipulative and I just don't know what to do because this is a financial burden and I feel so bad for the kids. |
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norma
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Could be an episode...of mania...hard to tell since you said it was coming on and just might be an accumulation of pent up feelings. Hate to analyaze people like that...there are so many factors to consider. I believe you are right in thinking she is leaving options open. And it is most unfair for you to be making a big house note and she will benefit from the equity in house and not contribute. Sounds like you care for the kids. They really need assurance for a stable home. You say that you were not as patient as you were in the past?? Is there one thing you can think of that might give a clue as to why she left? "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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