Bipolar Support Group

okay, you have all heard about me and my boyfriend. i love him dearly and he loves me. to give you a quick look at our relationship, he is older 28 i am 23. he is done college, i am in still, he loves on his own, and i freeload lol. after i graduate next year, and become a preschool teacher, we both want to move in with each other. here is where the conflict starts. i do not want to cohabit with someone, before i move out my parent's house, and in with a man, i want to be engaged. i need to know that i am not just gonna be girlfriend forever, besides by the time that comes, it'll be over 4 years of us being together. now i know bipolar disorder is inherited and i may have bipolar kids, my bipolar may at times negatively affect children, but god do i want kids so bad, i always did even as a small child. i wanted foster kids, adopted kids, you know the angelina jolie gig. he does not want to get married one day and does not want kids. if he is not able to give me to the things in life i want more than anything, should i leave him? he suggested a break so i could date around. but i dont want to. i want him. i cant see myself without him, but if i stay with him, and not get those things i want i'll resent him. if we break up in ten years did i waste my time. i know there is no reason to break up yet cause he is unsure maybe he'll change his mind, but i feel myself emotionally distancing myself from him cause i dont wanna get hurt if next year he is like no engagement no kids, he already told me i should find someone else. i feel like i already lost him. and he is upset too, we both wanna be together but want different things out of life. any advice please, i cant take it being this way. he got scared and said he was afraid i would change and not want to be around him. i promised i'd be there, but i don't know if i cant. i'd hate to have a future without him, but if i have no kids of my own i didnt really live. what sucks s that he is great with kids!

hrmmm. I hate to say this- but being on the same page, having the same life goals, and agreeing on important issues like when to move in together and to have children or not, are Really important. The kid issue may change, I know alot of people who said they didn't want kids, but ended up having them and being great parents.

As far as the other stuff- the life goals, you really have to think what you really want, and be honest with him. Having similar goals (getting married, having a family, focus on career, travel etc) is one of the most important things, or at least I think. And it's actually the reason why my relationship is ending, despite the fact that we love each other dearly.

And you are young, and as someone who got married at 21, I can tell you that having the dating experience is important. You really have no need to rush into things, especially if you don't want biological children.

Open, honest conversation with him and yourself will be the only thing that can answer your questions. I hope this helped a bit, I felt compelled to respond to you can I really understand what you're going through.

I agree with lmo, and I think that him wanting you to date other people is a red flag.

Even if you love someone truly and deeply, they can still be the wrong person for a life partner. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking the person they love is "the one".

Timing is so important. I don't think he's interested in settling down, and I think you're ready to settle down and start a family.

You may overcome this, but I agree that it's likely one of you will end up being resentful of the other.

Maybe now isn't the time for a change; you're still finishing school, etc. But you may want to try to imagine what change would look and feel like.

Have to agree with the previous posters. After you complete your education, move out of your parents house and live on your own for a while. Your goals/ideas are very different from one another. You shouldn't be denied your dreams for your future. He never probably, won't change his mind about marriage and children. You already have your doubts, follow your instincts/gut feelings, and I would take him up on the "dating others". Moving into your own apt. will give you an opportunity to date others (perhaps maybe him as well). There is a big world out there to explore, take advantage of it. As they say ... There are ma.y fish in the sea.

Blessings!

I agree with everyone - you shouldn't give up on your own dreams for someone....in the end you'll resent him for it. If it were something simpler - like the need to change careers - maybe it'd be worth it, but giving up on a family is not.

I totally have to say follow your heart...I am not disagreeing w/the other posters, I think they make good points but on a diff note, I have a very close friend who has been w/her man for 10yrs-from 2-5yrs they fought constantly over marriage, she wanted it, he didn't. After yr 5, she gave up & decided as long as he was committed to her, that was good enough. They got pregnant the next yr & 4yrs later(yr 10)she now has an engagement ring, they will have a 3yr engagement & then be married. Now, I know that doesn't happen all the time & it's up to you if you want to take the chance. I personally am very, very glad I have such strong & unwaivering opinions, I dont want kids...EVER & I'm a woman & although I do get lonely sometimes, I am single & dont have any of the crap that so many ppl have to deal w. I have my friends & I figure that's all I need, I dont miss having to answer to, schedule things around, or even share my bed w/anyone.

Tell your man how you feel and what you want. Explain you will not push marriage and children, but they are both very important to you. Be totally honest and see his reaction. He may have a reason to avoid marriage and children and if so you both can work it together. Offer to help him in any way possible, and remind him of your needs just don't push it down his throat.

Sounds silly, but I was watching the T.O. show and his girlfriend said, "I want a man who will man up and be a man. Put a ring on it." That about says it all....

Maybe just take it as it presents itself - don't try to plan or futurize right now. Give yourself permission to just let it be until you graduate. If you're happy with him now, just be happy now. The future will unfold just as it should.