Where does the BP start?

I have come to think my actions were a part of who I am as a person. Being told I am bipolar and seeing the symptoms as something I thought was my personality is making the whole thing very confusing.

The other part of this is my next question: Are there sides of my personality that I am not even aware of bc the bipolar has been speaking louder than those parts? If so, how does one find out about these?

Angela

I find your post very interesting in that while in school we were taught that in diagnosing a mental illness it is nearly unheard of that someone has an Axis II diagnosis. Axis II is where the personality disorders are classified in the DSM-IV. Axis I is where the primary mood disorders are classified. ***I should note I am not a doctor or PhD*** I only have a bachelor's degree in Psychology. My point from this is that I am very surprised to hear your bf has an Axis II diagnosis. I know when my doc gave me my diagnosis he made it sound like a personality disorder, but I made him clear that up really fast. He told me bipolar is an Axis I and I don't have an Axis II, nor will he ever diagnose me in such a way.

Anyway, now that I am done rambling on about that I think I get what you are saying, that it becomes part of your personality. Maybe how you deal with the bipolar symptoms has a lot to do with one's personality. I wonder how one deals with these if they are unaware of them in comparison to when they know they have bipolar disorder. I know that just knowing for me makes me way more aware of my behavior. This awareness though is what is confusing me. I always thought I had a firey personality, with a lot of passion. Now I am seeing it all in a different way. I also have a lot more guilt for my behavior. I think my reaction to things has been something I thought I was just pissed off about. Now I see it as being very mean, and the only reason I am able to see it this way is because the bipolar diagnosis detaches those actions from who I am. Before I had to justify those actions to myself not realizing something was really behind my actions. I am sure you can understand this existential contemplation I am in right now with all of this. Does this make any sense to anyone other than myself?

I have been going to therapy for a year, and also trying to figure out what is my bipolar, and what is me.

So far what, I have seen is, that I am me with my feelings, and emotions, and the bipolar intensifies my reaction to situations.

When, I am stable, and on meds, my bipolar doesn't take over and stand in the way of my personality.

Before, I would get swept away bipolar, and become a victim to it, now, I know, i can lay low, or take breaks, and not have to act on my illness.

I also realize that I have been bipolar for along time, and have lived in dilusion for along time, so, I will be discovering more, and more parts of myself that, I didn't know, before. Before, i got help, I didn't know who, I was. It was if, I was starting over.

My friend who is also bipolar is taking a personality test that helps her see what is the bipolar, and what is her true personality. She is going to give me the test. It is out of some book she is reading.I am excited. I might half to see if, I can find any info online about this.

Thank you for sharing that with me. When you get a hold of that test, can you let me know the name of the book? I have heard of some online, but one from a book is probably more concise.

Thanks,

Angela

peace and love

zinnia