I was just starting to feel better, and then ...

I have my moments but overall I believe I'm handling it as well as can be expected. To make myself feel better I come on here to read similar tales so I don't feel so alone, and to attempt to find answers. Although I've basically given up on finding any.

So I've been through the "Can people hide their manic episodes from others" thread before, but now I've just read it again and I now am struck by the pain of the BP personalities who responded, saying how hard it is for them to wear the mask or not the wear the mask, how no one understands or helps, how everyone runs away, etc. etc. etc. Well Good god!!! Is it any wonder we run away? I'm willing to help ( or was )! I've put myself through hell trying to understand this man and help him, trying to make things easier for him, accepting his bad behavior of me over the years, loving him anyway, all at my own expense. If he's in a lot of pain himself, he has a funny way of showing it, because the ONE person in his life who at one time was willing to walk through fire for him (but who no longer is) is walking out the door -- being PUSHED out the door, and in a very abusive manner. For someone in pain, he's rejecting every method of pain relief being offered to him. I was starting to feel OK about leaving him (I'm not really being given a choice in the matter, anyway, but I'm trying mentally to detach) and now I'm pissed off because I feel guilty. You know what? If he's capable of feeling sorry for himself and the mountains of pain he supposedly feels, he can damn well feel sorry for me too for what he's inflicted on me. But he doesn't, so what am I supposed to do with that? Give him a hug and a warm glass of milk? I'll be sure to leave it on the counter for him on my way out the door.

GLORIA

I understand you are hurt by your husband. I also am aware, that some of the threads on this forum, can stir up emotions. But, that's what they are emotions. They are yours, and you have a right to them. As you have a right to yours, everyone here also has a right to theirs.

When, I read the posts from others on how some people have been hurt by people who have bipolar, I have learned about how, I have treated others. That was very difficult at first.

Just as you relate to the spouses of bipolars. I, having bipolar, relate to others who have bipolar. I also feel what it is like to have bipolar. It is a very difficult illness to live with.

I happen to be in a relationship with someone who isn't bipolar, and we are doing really well.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I hope someday you can find forgiveness in your heart, so that the anger, and bitterness doesn't keep you from moving on and being happy.

Post edited by: mbrento, at: 04/07/2008 01:51

Blaming everyone and everything else for our problems seems to be a human trait not just a bipolar, although bipolar's tend to have that problem more, not all of us do, I for one didn't blame my troubles on anyone else,

The mask that everyone here talks about is the face we present to the world, it's one we have had to create to hide the turmoil swirling through us, I will not offer you excuses for his behavior, I can't, he does in a sense know what he is doing, he can see it, and I am sure in a way he is sorry for it, but because of the way the bipolar mind can work, he doesn't realize it in his conscious mind, your offers of help are interpreted as a attack, your threatening his world, although his world is the one that is messed up.

Let "his" family and friends believe whatever they want, you don't have to deal with them or be near them, it's probably a good thing that you have given up on finding answers, as there is no pat answer, we tend to have in our minds the "set" kinda answer we are looking for and can't see the answer if it isn't in the way we think we should be seeing it, it's like the kid who prays for a pony for Christmas, and then his family moves next to a family who does have horses and will let the kid ride when ever he wants, his prayers have been answered, he can ride all he wants, but they have not been answered in the way he "believes" they should have been, so he goes on to believe God never answered his prayers.

I was taught something a long time ago in dealing with the disabled, be they mentally disabled or physically, there is a difference between empathy and sympathy,

Sympathy is where you can feel the emotions another suffers from, but not having been there yourself, you can't completely understand.

Empathy is when you know where they are from having been there yourself.

Bipolar's who have come to accept that they have this disease can relate to the pain you feel, but not having been on the receiving end, we can't completely understand, as you not having been on the end we are, you can't completely understand, for some, your post might seem a slam on the bipolar people, I though see it as a cry of frustration, your wanting to help and you can't, a child knows they hurt, but they have no ability to express in understandable terms that hurting, so the parents get frustrated that they can't help to ease that child's suffering, the child isn't refusing the help, he just doesn't realize what it is that he is receiving, your husband is a child in a sense.

Consider this as a blessing, hell yes it hurts, it's going too, but eventually somewhere down the line, he is going to get the help he needs, and you will have been given the opportunity to move on with your life and find the happiness you deserve.. Living with us isn't a easy thing to do, and I am not advocating you continue to put yourself in the way of pain, just walk away knowing you have done everything you could have possibly done.

Post edited by: carmen33, at: 04/07/2008 05:50