I need help dealing with my brother!

I'm so upset, angry, sad, and disappointed. I want to talk to him, but I don't know what to say. I know what I WANT to say to him, but I don't know that telling him how I feel is going to be the best thing for him right now.

I am also a little afraid just because he has changed so much. Not only is he losing everything that should mean something to him, but he tells my mom that he doesn't really care. Sometimes, I wonder if he is a bit of a sociopath or if it's just the disease. In addition to having bipolar and being depressed, his doctors think he might have ADD.

He is just not the same person he used to be and I'm at a loss of what to do, how to treat him, or even how to talk to him. At this point, I feel like he is so apathetic that whatever I say doesn't matter. He is going from bad to worse and I don't know what to do. It's like I'm related to a stranger.

I am sure your family is also concerned about him. If he not trying to get help he needs to do so. How does he support himself?

You can help by letting him know your concerns. And calling every once in a while just to say HI. He might not be friendly but, will know you care even if he is not friendly.

hug to you for being a good sister, Norma

You have to be a sister and not his judge or jury. You really don't know his reasoning in all of this, don't analyze, just love.

Gloria

I am with Gloria. I have bipolar, and when, I was getting help, I would get things together, and my life would fall apart. When it fell apart, I would hide out, and need my space. I even now, after being on meds, have my rough days, and just want people to be there but not judge me or have expectations about what, I should do. Sometimes, I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I have been in that place for about a year now. I am just focussing on getting better, lately.

I myself would have never gotten help, I had been living with her, till my brothers actions of drug dealing got her evicted, she wanted me to move with them, I said no, I would live on the streets first, and I did for a while, then I self committed to a alcohol rehab for treatment, and never looked back, he moved with her, had her living in her bedroom with a lock on the door in fear of what ever person would be coming over in the middle of the night, I tried and tried to get her to kick him out, she would not, then he got her house raided, she came home to find her front door kicked in, police cars in the yard, and her bedroom ransacked, while he spent time in prison for his dealing, I packed her butt up and moved her clear across the country, he tried the "your deserting me" card, I told him to F off, she wasn't deserting him, he did that to himself.. when he got out of prison a year and a half later, he was allowed to move out here, but only with the understanding he would no longer be allowed to live with mom, he had to get a job and support himself, and he would be back in jail in a heart beat if my other brother and I had the slightest suspicion that he was using again. He's now doing wonderful, has met and married a great lady, he is contributing to the support of their household, and is in the process of buying them a home together, thinking about someone besides his self for a change.

I know I'm supposed to support him, but it's so frustrating to have him going down a path that is not good for him. It's scary and infuriating to to see him throw away his chances--at least that's the way I feel. And I seriously doubt he's thought any of this through, or thought about consequences at all.

What's more...it feels like he only thinks about himself. He doesn't care what our family wants for him or doesn't seem to know his potential. If he set his mind to something, he could do whatever he wanted. Now his chances of that are pretty much screwed into the ground. What'd he going to do? He's too lazy to get a job that actually pays well. He would never want to do physical labor in a factory or construction. But anywhere else, he won't get benefits or insurance. It's just so completely frustrating sitting by and watching that happen!!

I understand wanting to help. Sometimes, we have to decide whose problem is it. Is it yours? Or brothers? People bipolar or not have to make their own choices and mistakes. Hopefully, they learn from them. I have trouble not taking care of my kids problems for them. Have to hold myself back and let them fall on their face sometimes.

Just love him and let him know he is loved. That is a good thing to do. I will keep you in prayers...hugs, Norma