Bipolar Support Group

My abusive BP husband's best friend's brother just died. We all knew it was coming, he was increasingly out of control for months now, drugs, violence, etc. The problem is that this perfectly falls into my husband's desire to be the center of attention, or at least the coattails of it. If I don't try to comfort him or support him, I will be the antiChrist, despite his own abuse of me in the past few weeks, which has not been acknowledged up to this point and is damn sure not going to be now. If I do support him, it will probably make things smoother for me, but it will be the biggest bowl of BS you've ever seen anyone eat in your life. Hopefully I will lose my own mind soon and none of this will be of concern to me. In the meantime, it's so sad, I'm loving and supportive and loyal --- and look where it's got me. But he has abused me so much I am like a once-sweet-tempered dog kept chained up outside. He has turned me into a monster just like him.

ADD: He said the most horrible things to me today. I have no witness to it, just me and him. And now someone close to him had died. Never mind that my own father is on the brink of death himself, and my husband responded to my need by trying to divorce me and force me out. He will have no recognition of his own behavior on this front. The only thing he will register is if I am helping him (or not) in HIS time of need, and if I don't --- well, I'm sure his family and friends will be sharpening their vampire stakes. In answer to your questions, yes, I think I finally AM losing my mind. yay me!!!!!!

Post edited by: mbrento, at: 04/04/2008 23:32

Your not losing your mind, you can express your own grief at the loss of his friend, and not at the expense of your sanity, to hell with his family and friends, you and your family have to take top priority right now.

If he is violent call the cops, have him detained, while he is in jail/hospital, get all your stuff together and get out. If you own the home you live in, he will have to pay you something, if he owned it prior to your marriage he might not, so then it would not matter, you would be surprised just how fast you can move things if you need too.

mbrento ,i feel like you are dating my boyfriend we were in cpinseling yesterday and everthing i tried to tell the counselor he denied or did not remember and im sittin there feeling like did it really happen am i nuts and when he goes into an episode i have to watch every move ,every word every everything its bull crap and his family thinks im the problem so i know just how you feel thats why everyone says sometimes you just have to leave and take the loss some bi polar people (some) dont reach the point of controlling their illness..be blessed and sorry you are goin nuts :~dragonfly

Hi Dragonfly2, I am sorry to hear you are suffering through the same things, I tried in marriage counseling several times with my husband to get across to the counselor just what was going on, and I don't believe they believed me, as he portrays himself as this Saint. While he never has actually come right out and accused me, by his denial and indications it made it seem like I was the one with the issues, I did have issues but they were about him.

I gave up on the marriage counseling, told him the last time we were offered it, I wasn't going, he could if he wanted cause I wasn't going to waste my time or theirs as it never did any good.. and I am the one with bipolar in this family.

Hi Dragonfly, thank you for taking the time to post your thoughts. How are you feeling? I hope things are OK with you and the pregnancy. I read your profile and some of your threads and you sound very giving and with so much on your plate I just wanted to say thanks for taking time on me. The counseling situation you described is exactly the scenario I fear, should I succeed in dragging him there. He is all about denial, and if flat-out denial and "memory loss" fail, then it's all about justification and excuses. In the past week he threw two items at me on two separate occasions and then flat-out denied he did it. I said, "If you didn't throw it, how did it end up here, when you're sitting way over there?" He replied that he didn't THROW it, per se, that he merely "tossed it" "in my direction." When I asked him why he was "tossing" anything at all, he replied that it was just a response to me being antagonistic to begin with, and "SLAMMING" the item down in front of him. I did no such thing, not even remotely close to anything even remotely resembing a "slam."

I know these stories are depressingly familiar to everyone on here, I know there are no answers, and that there's no explanation or whys, that the solution is just to get away from it. Unfortunately, with full faculty of my own mind, it's not as easy for me to detach as it is for him to. Because I realize how sad it all is and he does not. In fact, it's far from sad for him. For him, he truly thinks he's liberating himself from me, and MY abuse of HIM. And he's got everyone else convinced of that, too. He strings together enough one-sided logic so that, if you don't know, like I do, that what he's saying is either a lie, an exaggeration, or only part of the story, then he sounds perfectly fine. god give me strength and also a good stiff drink! (or, for the pregnant lady, a pickle and a bowl of ice cream!) Thanks for listening everyone. Sorry to drone on. It's nice to not feel alone here. It's just hard to let go and no one really understands what it's like except for you guys. M.