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Bipolar Community Bipolar Support Forums General & Support I am Losing the Man I Love!
 

I am Losing the Man I Love!


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04/04/2008 20:09
Dragonfly1
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 Each day is a little more sad for me. I am losing him. He has an AA meeting next Tuesday and they are going to refer him for mental health, but I feel like he is using the illness against me. He has now disappeared every weekend leading up to this visit and I am plain sick over it.

I love him, but feel I don't want him anymore. I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE!! He is the man that I wanted to marry. He was my everything. Now I want nothing to do with him. I don't want him to touch or kiss me, I don't want him to call me. I want him to go away until I go away. I am suffering so deep inside and it is making me lose sight of who I am.

He has hurt me so much. I believe that thiw has been a terrible test. A horrible nightmare and now I just want to wake the hell up! Please let me wake up.
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04/04/2008 20:25
norma
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 Dear Dragonfly, it is sad you have to go through this. Just vent all you want. I can't think of anything to say that is going to help. Just that we are here for you...you vent all you want.
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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04/04/2008 23:06
jenn14
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 Oh GOD-I wish I could reach through and hug you, help you, make him get help. I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES. Your words bring me to tears bc just a short time ago I was you. I wish there was something I could say or do. I know there is nothing . I know how youre suffering. I think its time. When I was there, THERE, where you are now-the desperation, the disgust for him, the fear of spending the rest of your life without him, hell, or even with him. It's a living hell. To love him so much it hurts and to know deep down inside what you have to do. You have to help yourself hon. You are suffering. Dont do this to you. Get help for yourself. It may finally be time to let go and let god. We love you and are here for you!!! I'm so sorry youre hurting like this!!!

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04/05/2008 03:26
carmen33
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 Hugs dragonfly, honey if you haven't already seek out a therapist to help you work through this, loving someone so much and then seeing yourself having to walk away is a tough thing, I hope he follows through with the AA meeting and the mental health, with or without you, he needs to get help, that is one thing I have told my husband, that with or without me, he has to grow and become the person he was meant to be.
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
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04/05/2008 06:13
dragonfly2catch
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 dragonfly i am so so so sorry you are sad i know this very pain you feel,like all you want to do is love this man and he wont let you and no matter what he says or does you love him straight through it and why cant he love you that way.you are in a tuff place we cant tell you to leave because if you dont you need to know we are still here however you need to go to counseling hun that will help i promise..you are not alone even though you feel it, you will be ok again even though you dont see it,and God is listening to your every word even though you dont think it.we have to accept the help from him before we can get it just like goin to therapy you have to want it be blessed :~dragonfly2catch
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04/05/2008 07:21
PerfectlyImperfect
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 Sorry youre going thru this. I know the feeling of feeling like youre losing him, yourself and everything in between. I have been to hell and back with my bipolar bf & I honestly can't tell you how I've done it. i wish i could. I do hope that you find peace & help for yourself. Without being well yourself you can't help anyway. It hurts to see someone we love walk down this path & hurts that they dont understand what they're doing to us. You are a strong person & you will get through this no matter which way you go. Good Luck & Keep your head up
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04/05/2008 10:15
CarnivaleLife
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 Wow... Dragonfly, you are definitely NOT alone. Your words are the same I've spoken again and again for almost 4 years now. It gets better, then it gets worse. You can't imagine life without him, but then he pushes you away. You talk about growing old together, then he won't answer the phone for two weeks. You stick with him through 6 months of depression, serious alcoholism and drug use, and wacky sleeping patterns, then he up and moves to another city when he's manic again (only to come right back to you... okay, this is all my story). I question my own sanity almost daily now, so I can absolutely empathize with you. But what strikes me most is when you said you feel like this is all some kind of horrible "test". I must admit I feel the same way.

Shine,

BG
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