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Dragonfly1
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I am at my wit's end. He still hasn't been diagnosed or treated. I am literally losing my own mind and my heart for that matter. Every day has been a struggle. He has been in a very nasty and angry state for almost 2 weeks now. Is that normal? He told me last night that I will never leave him (in a not-so-nice way). Today he tells me that he is no longer giving me any of his money for bills or rent, and that he is tired of ME playing games with HIM! I can't believe this shit! I am financially strapped right now, living in his home, and now he is taking away my security and stability. I can take care of myself financially, but now I need to come up with some quick cash so that I can put a down payment on an apartment or something. Jeeze, this is killing me. I just want to run away! Far away! I guess it is time for me to throw in the towel. I can't endure this emotional pain much longer. I watched my mother die, less than two years ago at the age of 49 from cirrhosis of the liver. And he disappears on alcohol binges almost every weekend. I can't sit back and watch him kill himself with alcohol, let alone watch him deteriorate because of the bipolar disorder. He claims to want help, but as the day approaches for him to do something about it, he flies off the handle. It is like he really doesn't want to deal with it. I am scared for him, but feel like I am abandoning him. How do I go on? How do I continue to allow him to call me names and express his lack of love for me? We are engaged! Now he wants to elope, wants a baby with me, but 10 minutes later, he wants me out of his life! Encouraging words appreciated . . . Tina Marie |
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glory
Posts: 3365
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Dragonfly....please just start loving yourself. Your answer is there if you do. Love Gloria
"We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is.
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dragonfly2catch
Posts: 419
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dragonfly you cant help him help himself he has to want it and as for you your entire focus is him daily what about you what about your happiness you are not lovin you at all..you both need counseling its not just him that needs the support.this place is great but we are not DR.s we are just friends its time for you to set boundries and believe in you.you spend everyday all day worrying about his mood his happiness and forgeting about yourself.yes enough is enough he is abusing you now and thats not ok.you have to make a stand broke or not i know its so so so hard and it hurts but you have to show him he has not beat you down to the nothingness he wants you to feel..be blessed i know your pain you were me on here a month ago..but i took a long look at myself and put my foot down..:~dragonfly
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Deep_Hearted_Sigh
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Dragonfly... Gloria has it right on the money. Take care of you first and everything else will fall into place. Maybe find a quiet place, a place that gives you peace and some time to think. Put yourself at the top of the priority list and what you need to do will come to you in an array of beautiful colors. Hugs. |
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Gypsy
Posts: 1646
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Hi Dragonfly, It looks like he is manipulating, and trying to keep you hostage, and you are giving him power to do so. I have started over 3 times, with my 3 oder kids. If he said that about you not leaving him that sounds threatening. I would find a place to go. Do you have any family or friends you can stay with until you get on your feet? If he is angry all the time he may be headed for an episode. He sounds paranoid. Put your safety first. Let him go make his own decisions. You can't keep him from his illness. You aren't at fault for his illness. You aren't abandoning him. He will do what he is doing whether you are there or not. Get some support. Don't keep his secret, anymore. You don't have to live in his illness with him. Hang in there, we are here for you. God Bless,Gypsy |
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norma
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Dear Tina Marie, I hope things work out for you...I will keep you in my prayers..hugs, Norma "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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jenn14
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Hi dragonfly. Im so sorry for all thats going on. I do know what youre going through. I've been there. YOU are not abandoning him. HE's abandoning YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP by CHOOSING to NOT GET HELP. Do not feel bad for him. You are always worrying about him and hes always worrying about him. Whose ever worrying about you??? This is what happened to me. You have to finally take care of you. I know how hard it is. There comes a point though, that by staying with them when they wont get help its enabling them. He is controlling and manipulating you(2 of the most common BP behaviors). Do not stand for it anymore!!! Unless he gets help it will not change. Therefore there is no sense staying with him unless this is how you plan to spend the rest of your life with him. Stand up for yourself. I know its scarey but you can do it. Maybe that will finally push him to get help(it did for my guy). If not than at least you can have peace in your life and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. We know how much youre hurting and we are here for you. XOXOX
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mbrento
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Hi Tina Marie, You will have a whole new night vs. day perspective on your situation if you are able to get out of your immediate situation. Pack a weekend bag and spend a few days at someone's house if you can. Go anywhere but where you are. It doesn't mean it's permanent. But you need some space. We all know it's not easy and we feel your pain. But for whatever reason, he is unable to return your worries, your feelings of love and support. All of your stress is wasted on him. It's not helping him, and it's hurting you. I hear you on the financial front, and on the breakup while you're engaged - I've been there, and I'm doing that. I know it's not easy and there's no magical solution. But if you can't get out for financial reasons, at least don't compound your problems by allowing yourself to be abused, or by giving your abuser a helping hand. Please take care of yourself. |
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carmen33
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Tina I am with the others, you must take care of yourself, find a friend you can stay with while you are putting away some money to get your own place or find a place that will allow you to make payments on the down payment, there are a few of those out there, some of them, if it is first and last they are wanting, will let you make the first months rent, and then a installment plan on the rest of it, you can't allow this to go on any further, if they are not willing to get help, there is nothing you can do for them, as a alcoholic myself, I know that till I was willing to get help, no matter who said I needed it, I would not do it, i got a DUI and still continued to drink, I just quit driving, took a cab everywhere or walked to go get drunk, didn't help me any that i had a bar basically in crawling distance of where I lived... when I was finally at my bottom, face first, I was able to see that if I wanted more out of the life I had, I had to do something for myself, no one could have done it for me. |
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