Very new here, very sad, was my ex bipolar? help!

i will make this short and as to the point as possible.

my question is, was my ex-girlfriend bipolar?

if i could just go into the history real quick, to give you an idea. i will try my best to be as non-bias as possible.

first time we met, we were both on vacation, my friend was talking to her friend so i wound up trying to make conversation. it was very hard, but i loved the challenge, because she seemed to have zero interest in anything at all and was actually very rude, some how i found it cute and dedicated myself to making her smile, after a couple hours and some beer it worked.

got her number, even thought i lived almost 3000 miles away. we talked and emailed and i noticed (looking back) that she would go through these phases of not calling me, or replying to my emails, and then at other times, completely being (what her friends describes it) as enthralled by me. she told me in her life she is usually between a 4-6 on the happiness scale, her whole life. i saw that as a challenge, never looked much into the problem, just thought i could fix it. we both had rough backgrounds and since i was able to do some healing i thought for sure i could help her with it.

this kept up for around 3 months and we wound up getting close. i was getting use to her mood and i loved knowing that at times i could make her cry with how much i cared about her. it seems like she really wanted me to love her, or grow to love her, and it "seemed" that she loved me back.

so i went o visit her, she came to visit me, (separate coasts). from the first time we met to us visiting each other took about 4 months. and well, she hinted, i hinted and we decided that she was going to move in with me. it was crazy for me to even think about doing such a thing...since i have never lived with any girlfriend, and have only had a few in my 30+ years, but wow, i was so moved by her and though i didnt feel ready, i felt ready.

so she moved in, i went and picked her up and we drove 2500k miles or so. meeting parents and friends etc. anyway, to go as fast as i can.

we were together for over a year and i never questioned my love for her, my patience yes, my sanity...yes, but never my love. i never once thought that she didnt love me or that she didnt want me. so for a year i acted with that in mind.

during that year however, i did start to see some crazy things. first, she has/had no real friends, just one, which she would completely shut off from and not talk to for months at a time, i saw that she was very disrespectful to her parents and almost never backed down from any argument. there were three or four times where she would get completely jealous at very random people, i mean, a girl said hi to me (that was barely a friend) and not to her at a family gathering (my family) and she (and this was the first time i saw her "face" she would make) made this face, it was like the life had left her body, its so weird to describe, but i felt like i didnt know her, she looked like a stranger, her eyes were just fixed and her face stone, she kept me up until 7 in the morning with ZERO remorse about how she was acting, to say all sorts of accusations that i cant even remember. that night she was also rude to my parents, they saw her "face" and asked if she wanted to sit with them, and she folded her hands and said "No." this is the first time she met them. it was so out of character. at the time. as the months went by i started to see the "face" more often. almost anytime we went out she would get in these moods where she hated everything. i guess i didnt worry, because it was never about me. everytime she drank she would get that face and it would last the next day or two. .so it seemed. within the year we were together she had almost 4 or 5 jobs (which i can understand moving to a new city) but she would get petrified of her bosses, she would always get afraid when the phone rang, she would have nightmares about one boss, and honestly her boss was very nice, but my ex was convinced that her boss hated her, she was convinced that our neighbor hated her, she would stay in the car if our neighbor was around until she went inside. one time, and this really got me thinking, one time i had her face plate in my hand from her stereo, i was holding it in my hand like a gun...i pointed it at her when we were walking home...not thinking anything of it, it wasnt even a joke, i was just bored or something, ...anyway, she freaked out! she thought i had a gun?! she asked me what i was doing, and tried to get out of the way? "what the f**ck are you doing?"....i laughed, cus i thought she was kidding, and she started to laugh, but she was really serious. that kinda pushed me over the edge, so i asked what was wrong, etc. we talked forever and finally she said that at one time she was hospitalized for "seeing things" and she never went into detail, also she said she use to hear things, yet never went into detail. i asked her if she was bipolar and she said, "well, i mean some doctors have said so, but they say that to everyone" type of excuse, so i trusted her on that, because, i know dr. say a lot of things and can really mess someone up, plus i didnt see bipolar as a big problem, hell, i might be. so i thought.

well, she is also a type 1 diabetic, and never really took care of it. i shouldnt say that, she is insulin dependent and she did take her insulin, but she never watched what she ate, she always had chocolate, she would drink and get drunk on the weekends and would let her sugar get real high or low. etc. she had zero intention of working out, quitting smoking, eating healthy, etc. she just did what she wanted all the time. there were these crazy weeks where she would get excited about changing and she would get all into it and then stop.

same would go for hobbies. i mean, she started ridding and putting together bikes, that lasted a month, she wanted to have a cookie business and that lasted a month, painting, quilting, being a lawyer, she went to three schools so far, no four schools, hair, make up, she tried to start a band. wow, looking at it now, im like...thats crazy, but when i was in the middle of it, i just thought...wow, she is exciting and trying to find herself, i supported her every angle she took. and when she went into something she really went into it, i mean spent the money, ordered the books, did the studying, etc.

she would read very depressing stuff, poetry, books, movies...all dark..and deeply depressing. lots of stuff on murder, women who kill, and suicide. now, my books are all Chrisitan..haha and though i struggle to be one, i tried to lean her once and a while in that direction.

wow, im dragging this out. im sorry.

so much, anyway....

so she was always unhappy about something, food, the city, where we lived, her work, friends, parents, money, etc, (and she would use her credit card for everything...when she didnt have money?) so, she was unhappy about were we lived....

i thought fine fine fine, lets move, i didnt want to move because i work from home and had a huge apartment, but we did anyway....

so we found a much smaller place for more money in a great area, i mean half the space, the first week we get in, she just puts that face on again, with unpacked boxes to the ceiling, a year lease in my name, she decides she doesnt love me.

im like....what?????? God help me.?! even as i write that, im still begging.

i left to go home for a week to give her time in the apartment to think. i call her and ask how she is doing, she says "awesome!!" and with the most non-chalant way tells me she has never felt better in 5 years! and she moved out and is living with some friends from work, some girls she met at a new job she has.

there is so much more to this, and i think i need counseling, i have never been this hurt, and i have never been this confused lonely, or lost. its been a month since we broke up, and i still dont know what happened.

we did talk about a month before the break up about breaking up, but it just seemed so not real, she was telling me she would marry me at the same time, within two weeks she had cried one day and said she was crying because she was happy, and the next week she was crying because she loved me...and she never really knew any reasons to break up.

here is what she said. in small spurts, and between a lot of her being quiet and me asking a million questions...

1. she felt void

2. she doesnt know, she has tried though

3. that i dont know her at all

4. that we have nothing in common

5. that she knows what she wants

6. and this is the big "getter" when i pushed for a real answer, she had none, she even mentioned "yeah, we have a good relationship, yeah, we could be together and it would be fine, yea, but....i dont know, i just dont think we are right for eachother"

this was after i tried my hardest to be with her? there were times i thought if i broke up with her she would kill herself.....i mean, it just seems crazy to try so hard to reach someone...to keep them and try NOT to break up with THEM...and then they do it to you.

its just nuts. i dont think she will ever call again and i dont think i will ever call her again, but even the marrow in my bones begs too....

i couldnt be more hurt.

i wrote to much and i still want to write more.

does she sound bipolar? can this be the excuse i lay my heavy head on? can i sleep now?

She was a challenge and played that to the hilt...you dear heart, were hurt by someone who did not care for you. It happens...and when you do finally find the wonderful person that will make you happy you will look back on this person and say "WHAT WAS I THINKING"...

I know this hurts now...but, take my advice and get rid of anything that reminds you of her, photos, mementos, ect....burn it....

Keep writing if it helps, sometimes when we write it makes us think about things...my heart goes out to you....hugs, Norma

I believe it would be counter-productive for you to hear that she is a 'loser' because I believe whole heartedly she is not.

I thank God every day that my husband did not turn and run, or listen to the crap that was said about me like a beating drum in his ear. I hurt him. Bad. Worse than your ex hurt you.

You have described me to a TEE. From numerous jobs, to random accusations, I am the epitome of 'Bipolar'. I also have OCD, and ADD.

I nearly cried when you spoke of the blank look. It used to worry my husband. He would ask if I was okay and I would say "everything is fine" complete with a fake smile that he could see through.

He would tell me he loved me and I would reject him with phrases like "yeah, you say that, but you would probably be a lot happier with someone skinnier...prettier...longer legs...ect. ect." I never gave him any opportunity to love me. He would tell me I was his perfect soul mate, and I would go blank.

To my deep sorrow and regret, in my worst phase of mania...I convinced myself that leaving my husband of 8 years was a brilliant idea because 'how could he possibly love me...he would be much happier without me...and the lies just continued'. I can't tell you how badly I hurt him. He should have left me.

Instead, when I was at the very bottom, and I had wasted my body away to nothing, and I had put him through hell and back, ...He came and picked me up. Now keep in mind he has never done drugs or associated with any such person. He came to that drugged out place that I put myself in and told me he would always love me.

He told me I needed to go to my parents so he had time to think but within a matter of weeks he told me to come home. He missed me.

I understand your hurt from a different perspective. Someone with bipolar will act before thinking...the remorse comes later in the depression stages. I will quite possibly never forgive myself for hurting my husband. It was a 9 year process of denial before I got help. 9 years of pure hell, with mood swings that would make the devil himself crazy.

It is possible that she might never forgive herself for hurting you. Maybe not now. Maybe ten years from now, but when she does get help she will remember you and she will feel the pain she caused you. I think it's punishment enough without having to call her a loser.

Thank you for your post. Come here as long as you need to talk it out. Counseling is AWESOME...what a great way to work through the hurt.

I don't want to offend you or sway your decisions in any way. If you really care about her, make an attempt to talk to her on a non-threatening level. Tell her you understand it's over but you would like to talk to her as a friend. Maybe over coffee...a public place so that she feels safe to leave if she does not like what she is hearing. Go prepared with print-outs of 'signs and symptoms' of bipolar disorder and ask her if she might consider talking to someone about it. It's important that you use words like "MIGHT CONSIDER" and not "YOU SHOULD"...Remember I am bipolar...I KNOW what will set her off.

WITHOUT A DOUBT SHE FITS THE BILL...the story you told of her is MY STORY. Even if she chooses not to be with you...you will have helped better someones life, and that is the reason were here, isn't it?

Please take what you can use from this, and leave the rest behind. You sound like a solid person...I'm sure you'll know what to do.

THEGUY...... YOU GOT SHIT ON & YOU PROBABLY AREN'T GONNA BE THE LAST NOR WERE YOU THE FIRST. FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF FOR A WHILE THEN GET BACK ON THAT HORSE AND RIDE BUDDY!

GLORIA

Gloria

It does not lessen the bipolar experience that you are having...but aren't we all different? What? am I not allowed to express how I feel bipolar relates to me? God forbid I should step on your feet when I could care less that you never cheated...Good for you...but this wasn't a post about or addressed to you in any way, shape or form.

Maybe I should express myself better next time with a less threatening version of how I see myself. Or instead of 'epitome' I can use something like "I have every sign and symptom of bipolar"...

Just so YOUR not 'DEEPLY RESENT(FUL)'...

Probably NOT!

Gloria

This is getting away from the topic. If we can't get back on topic, I will have to lock it.

I think the author is here for support.

Thanks everyone for helping me keep this site about people helping people, instead of people yelling at people. Easy Gloria...