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feelinglost
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Hy husband who I believe is bipolar just left me and my 8 month old daughter. He was on lexapro for about 6 months and things were great, he went off saying he didnt want to be medicated and thats when he said he is going to get a divorce. We have been maried for almost 5 yrs. He has threatend me with divorce for years now, telling me im not a good wife, I dont respect him, I make him un happy. Then when things calm down he tells me he love me he is happy with me... Everything is always about him, he blows off all family members and friends never sticks with a job and blames it all on others. He has good things about him and I love him more than anything and he is the father of my baby,Im haveing a hard time letting go I still want to be with him. I keep wandering if he will come around and stop this. Anyone elts been through this? |
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okperez1
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Hey, You didnt state what he was on lexpapro for, has he been diagnosed with bi-polar? I wish I could tell you something that would make it all better, but I have to say if he is a bipolar and if he is in a manic, there is no telling how long it can last. that is different for all of us who have this. Also, I cant speak for anyone else, but in 28 years I still can go up or down at the drop of a hat,(I just know my triggers) with no pre determined end. Will he ever realize what he has done??? Well, if he is bi-polar, remember, what goes up.........must come down. Kelley |
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feelinglost
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he started taking my lexapro the dr gave me because he kicked me and my 1 and a half week old daughter out. I was very depressed with a new baby and a divorce hanging over my head. anyway he started taking it and then got it from his dr (its very easy to get) he has not been diagnosed as bipolar only narcissistic by a one time counseling apt while in the navy.
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okperez1
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Hi again, thanks for answering my Question, I can only speak from experiance, but if he is bi-polar and not truly diagnosed, why would a doctor give him lezapro without knowing his pattern, or if he is more manic than depressed, I know when they give me anti-depressive drugs with no stabilizer, I have been thrown into mania, spending to much money, over inflated, energetic, poor decision making, etc. Sound familar, If that is what he seems to be doing it would explain why he up and left, been there done that. Unfortunatly, there is no time line of beginning and end to manis or depression, Does he have any thing else in his life, drugs alcohol things like that?? You said he was told he was narcissistic, well, in mania , I am too. So he could be bipolar, but with out a real clincal intake........If you plan on sticking it out.........it is a bumpy road, for all involved, is it worth it?? Ill let you know after I find out!! Kelley |
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marialynn
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Dear Feelinglost, Oh yes there are a lot of us who can relate to the, love you -want a divorce-dont know how i could ever live without you-I want a divorce ,merry go round. It is standard bp behaviour(i probably misspelled that, and other things.sorry)Anyway I could probably even tell you the exact words he said,they are repeated time and again throughout many bp support sites. Kelly is right, it is a bumpy ride and not just a temporary one .It lasts a lifetime,and most times gets worse as it goes along.As for leaving you with a new baby, that too is typical. That was the trigger that started my roller coaster ride. Big events like the birth of a child are huge triggers. Knowing that though ,doesnt lessen the pain you feel.I didnt have a clue at the time though ,since bp never entered our minds. Then the second child came and another abandonment, and i started suspecting something was bad wrong. It wasnt till this last time that I knew it was bp (he had a sibling with the same bahaviour pattern be dx with bp. so it finally clicked). Once i knew that this was gonna be his never ending pattern(and i sure wasnt going to marry him back for the third time ,theres only so much disappointment a human can take) I knew that the ride was over,at least for me and my kids. You will know when you have reached that point. Whether you decide it from the expierences you read from others or ride it out personally ,it will have to be when 'you' realize its been enough. Maybe i will get a lot of flack for saying this, but it seems to me that its mostly the women with bp who try the hardest to really get controll with meds and such.The men seem to have more trouble with not wanting to stay on their meds or to even admit they have a problem to start with. That makes it very difficult and chancy to try to hang on to the relationship.Anyway take comfort in the fact that there are ones out here that have lived your exact same expierence. We all wish you success even if we didnt have it.Take care of yourself and your child first and let him take care of himself. He doesnt want your help right now anyway.And prayer helps. good luck Marialynn |
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irishdana33
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feelinglost~~~ Definately talk more with marialynn~~she has been on this "roller coaster" and she can much more insightful to what your feeling. Being on the other end of bi-polar is NOT an easy and fun "roller coaster " ride and it can last for years. If you have a chance to get out with your sanity now~~ GO FOR IT!!! This coming from someone who is bi-polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, OCD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder. I have put the people I love in such a mess at times. There are times I am soooooooooo sick of myself I can't stand ME!!! There are times I wish I could run from myself and start over. I tried it once on a hypomania and I lost it all, husband (not a huge loss on this one), my two wonderful children (the lights of my life), home, car, jobs, friends, other family, ect. I have been given a some-what second chance and I am thankful for it everyday. But it has been a 3 year struggle and I wouldn't wish that part on my worst enemy. Get out now while your child is still young and find your happiness. "There is a reason that those from your past didn't make it to your future...........". Trust me on that quote......to its true form. Good luck! Dana 
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jlp10621
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My ex husband is bp. When my oldest son was 4 I started to wonder what was wrong with him. I am a teacher and know what a "normal" child looks like and knew that my son wasn't "normal". After all the research and diagnosis with him it all started to make sense of why his dad was the way he was. I finally convinced my ex to go to my son's psych. He put him on meds and all was good. Then he chose not to take the meds anymore. Our marriage was so rough and rocky. I finally decided to divorce him after 10 years. When I saw that my son was treating me the way his dad did I finally drew the line. It was such a wake up call. It's hard enough to raise a son, but to have a bp son with a bp dad in denial...I knew that by divorcing him I might have a chance with my son. I am better myself, and know that I made the right decision about divorce. The problem that I face now is that my ex bashes me and blames me for the divorce since he didn't want it to end. He tells the kids it's all my fault...dealing with that now and the backlash from my kids. Everyone tells me the kids will see that I am the stable, consistent one...I am waiting for that day. |
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bipolarmomma
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To start off, being a bipolar person is HARD. But the people who are recommending divorce, did you know your spouse was bipolar before you got married? If so you need to remember those lines you said at your wedding......in sickness, and in health, til death do us part. If not then I can sort of understand the recommendation for divorce. Ok,feelinglost, you husband sounds like he has a personality disorder called cluster B, it includes narcissim,borderline personality(overreacting to situation,anit-social(formerly called sociopath), and histronic. Here's a quote I found regarding personality disorder. "Personality disorders are not, strictly speaking, illnesses, since they need not involve the disruption of emotional, intellectual, or perceptual functioning. In many cases, persons with a personality disorder do not seek psychiatric treatment for such unless they are pressured to by relatives or by a court" — Encyclopedia Britannica. Personality disorders are harder to deal with because it is more like a personality trait than a chemical imbalance. There are some meds that work with keeping it under some control but none can make it go away. The person with a personality disorder can't change it without some therapy to help figure out why they overreact. The birth of your 8 month old caused your husband to shut down because he needs all the attention focused on him. That's the narcissim. The borderline personality has these traits "Behaviors which destabilize personal relationships, idealizing and devaluation of potential care givers and lovers, angry disruptions of close relationships, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment." Now some people may read this and think I am totally wrong and that's their right. But I have done a lot research on this cluster B personality because it was recently diagnosed to my mother who thought for years that she was bipolar because some of the symptoms are similar. Sending up blessings for you,and your 8 month old daughter. BE BLESSED!
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jlp10621
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I am not recommending divorce by any means, every situation is different. In sickness and in health, yes, I agree. But you can't make someone get help who doesn't want it. I divorced my bp husband because after 4 rounds of counseling with a professional and with the church, denial about having an illness, verbal and physical abuse...seeing my son exhibit Dad's behavior and think it's Ok...that is why. I knew that the only way to hopefully save my son was to divorce his Dad who did not want to admit that he needed help. |
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