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Sstephens
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This discussion board/group has been very helpful and taught me alot, but it's also scaring me. My husband of 8 months was diagnosed BP about 5 years ago. He was stable and on only an antidepressent for 3 years. Recently he had an episode of mania which TERRIFIED me. He has gotten help and meds and things seem up. Still, he is not back to 100% normal. What's scaring me is all the posts I'm reading about BP spouses cheating, lying, and ultimately leaving. I'm a new wife and new to the whole BP community (I was aware of his illness prior to marriage, though), and I cannot imagine life without him, even with the mania. This group is starting to make me think that it is only a matter of time before he decides to leave me or seriously hurt me in some other way. Is this true? Do most BP end up hurting their loved ones like this, or am I just seeing a lot of worst case scenarios? He hasn't lied, cheated, or anything like that thus far, but we're still newly weds and most of these posts are after 10 or even 20+ years of marriage! |
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morningglory/oldglory
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Welcome SS, Don't be scared, be cautious. As a person with the bipolar disorder, I'm not sure we will ever be 100%. But, what is 100%? Who says what 100% is? lol Are there 100% cops out there?? lol I know what you mean, but sometimes we have to make light of it. I know very few nonbipolar people who are 100% or without some kind of fault. So why expect him to be? We get angry like normal people, we get sad like normal people, we get depressed like normal people and we have "OFF" days....like normal people. In my case, my family can tell when I am starting to get off balance. They have been doing it for years though. You will recognize the signs after a while and it will be easy for you too. Don't panic.....there is help if he has a shrink and is taking his meds. It's just a matter of changing some of them. I was married for 20 years, the first time, lol and have been for 12 this time. My first husband never knew I was bipolar. I never told him because it was never an issue...HE WAS 100%, lol, AND CHEATED ON ME!!!!! You can have that happen with any partner. Keep reading and studying and make yourself aware of the ins & outs of hubby's disorder. It won't be so shocking if he does get manic or depressed. You will be fine, because you care enough to learn. Love Gloria |
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TerriTee
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SS, don't be scared!!! My husband has BP and has never lied or cheated! It's a possible behavior but doesn't occur for everyone. We are very happily married, and working together to get things well. Occasionally, meds. need to be adjusted, but as long as he is aware of the problem and working to stay well, you have a excellent chance together. Hugs, Terri Most people don't know that there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life - Brian Andreas
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pixiedust430
Posts: 950
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Gloria is right. I am bipolar and have went through alot of problems with my hubby during my manic phases. He and I have been together for 7 years, married for 5 and I was dxed bipolar 6 years ago. I showed signs of bipolar for at least 10 years. Even though in mania we make alot of bad decisions, you almost always see it coming before hand and can help make it less stressful. When you are calmer he will be. My hubby is learning about the disease and the more he does the better it gets! Knnowledge is power! I have said it before and I mean it. Jenny |
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Sstephens
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Thanks for the encouraging words. I definitely plan to learn all I can about the disease. During his mania phase he scared me but I was the only one he would talk to and he trusted, so I think that's a good sign for how we relate. When I said 100% I didn't necessarily mean "normal" like all people are normal (or no people...), but normal for him. He's mostly doing better, but he still doesn't completely seem himself. Do mania phases permanently take a part of his personality away, or will he eventually be completely himself with continuing treatment?? Thanks again. This group is definitely the right place for me. I am feeling so much better and more informed already! |
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p8ntballgrl
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ss, let me just start by saying. being scared is a good thing. it kinda keeps you on your toes sort to speak. just remember when someone like your husband or I or anyone else for tha matter, are in our mania stages we are just as terrified as you may be. we know that we are out of control and can't get it together which makes us stress and then the stress of the situation makes us worse. please hang in there. if things get too out of hand you can always call his p-doc or get him to the hospital closest to you for evaluation. that in itself is terrifing to me. we are all here to help you and him as much as we can. the meds are crucial to getting things in control again. just because he is taking meds doesn't always mean they are working. if you need someone to talk to you can always pm any of us and we will be more than happy to try and help. hollie The voice inside my head doesn't like you either!
My journey to the grave will not be with an attractive well preserved body, I will skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO WHAT A RIDE"
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.
Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in you face to frown.
BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&! upside the head....ha ha
You have to love it.Cause you know we've all thought it. |
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Gypsy
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Hi Sstephens, WElcome. I am glad you have found us. I am also in a relationship of 5 yrs, and was in one for 4 yrs before. I have never cheated. I was diagnosed 5 yrs ago, but just got on meds this last year. I got scared when, I first got diagnosed, too. I read all of this info on bipolar, and got so overwhelmed. If he is getting help, and on meds, and you are learning all you can about this illness, than you will do fine. It's when the bipolar spouse wont get help, and is getting sicker, that it can be really rough. Some people have hung in there and have survived, and some could not live with it anymore. It took me a year to find the right meds. I am finally stable. So there is hope for your husband, too. Whatever happens we are here for you. God Bless,Gypsy
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red1965
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Sstephens, welcome to the group. Do not be scared. Do not allow yourself to be a victim of Bipolar, instead be victorious. Learn all you can about bipolar. Get into some counciling yourself, this will help you understand what is going on with him and help you find coping methods that work for you. While a relationship with someone that has bipolar is not easy, it also is not impossible. As with any marriage you get out of it what you put into it. None of us know when getting married what the future holds for us, bipolar or not. Get a Bible and read 2 Corinthians, chapter 13. This is the best picture I know of how to love. My wife and I have been married for 25 years. My wife has Bipolar, she was diagnosed 8 years ago and has been stable for a year now. We are living proof that you can make it work! God Bless RED |
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Sstephens
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Red- I don't think anyone could ever give better advice than the words "get a Bible" other than maybe following with "and pray hard." When my husband was in his mania stage, the only thing that got me through it (and seemed to calm him) was our relationship with the Lord. This group is amazing. Your stories are restoring my hope for stability. I want so much for him to be comfortable and happy, and it seems that as long as we continue to pursue it we can find the right treatment. How often do you and/or your spouses receive therapy (BP and spouse)? They have him going once a month right now, but we plan to move soon and hopefully get in contact with a better doctor. |
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carmen33
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Hi SS, and welcome to the group, all the others have offered good advice and shared their stories, I am bipolar and have never cheated even when unmedicated, not all bipolars do this, we are all different, your husband is taking the steps he needs too, to get well, he's seeking treatment, with meds, and with therapy I hope, getting some for yourself would not be a bad idea either, as you will learn how to deal with this disorder better, there is a site on line called NAMI, it is a national group for those with a mental illness, you can look them up and see where a meeting is close to you, they offer meetings for both the bipolar person and for the care givers/SO/Spouses of those with bipolar, we have some relationships that have gone bad, but we have many more than that that, that have been successful, it just take two to make it work. |
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"for those of us fighting the battle with Bipolar..and for the loved ones who sup..." (emotionalvolcano)