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MaggieMae
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I wanted to seek advice about how to deal better with the lying that my son (who is BP) starts and can't seem to control once he starts it. He knows the difference between truth and a lie and it drives me crazy when he goes off and can't stop himself with a lie to cover a lie when the proof is in hand. Will he ever be able to take responsibility for himself and his actions (that are hurtful to others)? Is there a balance or will being BP be the escape goat everytime? We have consequences for the lying and he isn't pleased with that. Yet he can't seem to find it in himself to say he's sorry to who he has hurt or lied to. If anyone has some magical words or wisdom... I'm all ears! |
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Gypsy
Posts: 1637
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Hi maggiemae, My son has officially been diagnosed as bipolar. He went through the lying , too. He also started sneaking stuff, and has shop lifted. We had tried every consequence, too. We finally took him back to his pdoc, and they added a mood stablizer. So far it has helped. God Bless,Gypsy |
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morningglory/oldglory
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You have started the process by enforcing limitations and consequenses for his actions. Don't set yourself up for a lie. Never believe anything you cannot check on. Don't let him set himself up for failure. Make sure he knows you will be checking up on him. If he says he is going to so&so's house, let him know you will periodically call there & check in on him. If he says he is going skating...tell him you will be coming there to see if he is OK. Don't allow him to have any FREE time. Wherever he goes...make sure you can check. This is my two cents worth. lol Gloria
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red1965
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Maggie, sounds like you are already doing the right things. Set those limits, veify his stories, and flat tell him when you don't believe him make him give you hard proof. God Bless RED |
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norma
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I don't think lying is just a bipolar trait...youngsters try it to get away with things....so it is not just bipolar. I have found what works for our family is we don't allow lying at all....not even the little white lies...like if someone calls and we don't want to talk...we just say we don't want to talk...not we are not at home. And you are right to verify stories...there should be a consequense for lying. Lying is stealing the truth. And omitting important parts of a story is also a lie. So, I think it is a growing up thing not bipolar...just my opinion. Good luck on this...it is an important lesson to teach kids. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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jennipurr
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the lying is so hard to deal with for me. my bipolar hubby lies all the time. it really bothers me, he lies about things that don't even matter. when he's manic, i can have proof of something in my hands and he would still deny it. sorry i don't really have any advice, just wanted you to know you're not alone. dogs and cats are better than people! |
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sky
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My bp ex lies all the time too. When he gets caught he refuses to look at or talk further about it and sometimes has a tantrum.  He says he knows he lies, so what, big deal. There is no remorse. It is one of the things that contributed to ruining our marriage.  Post edited by: sky, at: 03/25/2008 20:32
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buhlir926
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My soon to be ex is 40, bipolar, and lies about everything - even things that don't matter. When I catch him in a lie I always ask him why. His response is always the same "I don't know." I used to get myself all worked up about it. Now, I just draw his attention to the fact that he lied again (not that it matters a whole lot because like sky's ex - he is well aware that he lies and doesn't care. It is a HUGE part of what ruined our marriage. In the last week I have found out at least two lies that he told me in December. Just like Sky's ex he never likes to discuss the lie and has a tantrum. As for kids: my 13 year old son is not BP but lied a lot about schoolwork. It started in 5th grade and still happens every once in awhile (he is in 8th grade). Some lying with kids is normal. What I do when I bust him in a lie is to punish him for the offense (grounding, loss of video games, loss of cell phone, whatever) and then we double the time period it is in effect for the lie. For example: a homework report would get him no videogames for the week (because obviously that is what he was doing in place of homework). Hiding the homework report until Monday or telling me he didn't have one gets his videogame priviledges suspended for two weeks. I also got to the point of not signing homework reports that weren't given to me first thing afterschool. That earned him a detention. It took 2 or 3 times but eventually he decided that serving detentions after school and walking home in the snow or rain because he missed his bus wasn't fun. Some BPs lie but most if not all kids lie. You are not alone. Good luck! |
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morningglory/oldglory
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I think a lie to us is the only way we can make ourselves look better to you guys. If we tell you this...whatever....you will be envious of us and think we are so neat. Like, "I saw this huge wreck after work".....well you will think we are so lucky to have witnessed it and so wonderful for calling for help, when in reality, there was no wreck at all. If we lie to remove ourseves from someting we did that was really bad or stupid, it's so we don't look, bad or stupid...lol...vicious circle....We sometimes lie so much, we don't even recognize them as lies. My very best advice to you, is pick your battles. If it is something stupid...like the wreck example, don't acknowledge it. Walk away without a word or smile...just walk away. By pointing out that you think it's a lie, you put us on the defensive. We will deny, deny, deny!!! Now you have started something else for us to be angry about. By doing that you are inviting a fight. Never set us or yourself up for that fight.....unless, it is a life altering lie. I know it's hard to keep quiet, but to save yourself, it is a must. Remember who is the crazy one here. lol You're in a no win situation, unless you learn to let it go, ignore it, and go on with the order of living. Love Gloria |
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