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Hello! I know how you feel about all the meds. When I was first diagnosed 8 yrs ago, my pdoc had me on some many meds I began eventually having seizures. So, I got mad and stopped taking them all  I found a new pdoc, and told him up front that I didnt want to be heavily medicated. I cant take antidepressants bc they send me into a manic rage. So I have learned to deal with the depression by talking and telling myself over and over that I have Bipolar, so I am rest assured that the depression will vanish out of thin air just as any other mood I have.(I am an ultra rapid cycler) I now am strictly on Risperdal for therapy... as I tend to become more manic than depressed. Although I never have seen middle ground between my moods. I know how hard it is with raising kids and having Bipolar. Not a day passes that I don't think how much better off they may be if I weren't around. I feel the same as you do about my husband too. Those thoughts come often, and it causes alot of insecurity with me... which I discuss with my hubby all the time in letting him know that I am thinking he might get sick of dealing with me and find someone 'normal' for a change. He assures me that will never happen. He is a great support, and understands my moods better than I sometimes. One thing that I do when I get very angry (which is daily almost)... is I isolate myself from my hubby and kids. The way I explained it to them is that if I isolate myself, then I have no one to take it out on or become angry with. It helps me a great deal. Sometimes I just get on the computer, put the headphones on loud with music, and write in my blog. I hope that you feel better soon. I know how frustrated you must feel, but please dont feel alone in it. We are here for you.  Blessings... kimmy "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." ~Lao Tzu |
