Bipolar Support Group

my fiance just told me he was bipolar. I knew he was adhd but this latest news was a blow. We are getting married soon. I've been reading everything I can about bipolar. Is the extra marital and/or sexual indiscretions always a possibility?

Mine has had an affair but it was the only time he cheated. There were cicunstances as we live 5 hr apart. It kills me and he wants out of the marraige. I can forgive because he was sick, but he wont get help as he is in denial. If he is getting help I don't think he will do it, but I'm not BP so I don't want to give you there point of View. Good luck!!

Possibility.... of course...but more normal people cheat than bipolar people. It doesn't always happen. I am 58. Been married twice. First time 20 years.....I did not cheat. This time 12 years...I have no desire to cheat now either. I have my own opinion, but cheating is a character flaw, not a BP flaw.

Good luck with your marriage.

Love

Gloria

I just don't know if I can deal with the thought of him cheating.

Dear bornagain, Some bipolar people never cheat...just tell him that cheating would be the deal breaker...and mean it. When you take wedding vows it has in there forsaking all others...so he needs to know that would be the end of the marriage...if it means that much to you....

any suggestions on how NOT to be an enabler

sorry ,..... no, I'm not sorry. Someone told you bornagain, not to be scared of it. You had better be scared....damned scared. Bornagain, it is going to be imparative for your marriage, to know the disorder, understand that it is mean and hateful and scary as hell, and it is going to be a concern for you throughout you marriage. With the proper psychiatric help, marriage can be beautiful and healthy, but meds sometimes stop working and some of us will just stop taking them because we think we are all better. There will still be triggers that will possibly set us off whether we are on meds or not. You were advised to embrace it...don't you dare.. Never embrace this horrific disorder. It is ugly and dishonest. It can eat you alive if you are not aware at all times. Episodes can be far away if everything goes just right, but, the fact that you stay on your toes, can make all the difference in the world. At the first sign of a melt down you must be ready to work like hell to help get the BPer back on track. It can be a labor of love, or just labor. Learn all you can. Again I wish you all the best in you marriage, it is very possible for it to be a good one.

Gloria

bornagain its not a bp thing im tellin you but you cant focus on that if he is gonna cheat he will it will not be pushed on by him bein BP dont focus on that not sayin all BP people do this but some will use it as an excuse and truely its not just like a BP person who beats his /her partner its not ok its not an excuse at all..be blessed :~dragonfly

Hi bornagain,

I agree with the others. I am bipolar, and has never cheated.

I would have a talk with him about your fears. If he is on meds, and you learn as much a you can about bipolar, than you can have a good marriage. I have a good relationship of 6 yrs, and neither of us has ever cheated. We talked about it in the beginning. It has been a rollercoaster in the first 5 yrs, though.

How to not enable him? Don't take his episodes personal. Don't take on his treatment. You can let him know you are there, but, you can't do it for him. Set boundaries. Communicate about how you want to be treated, and what he can do to manage his moods. If he will let you, go to his doctors appointments with him.

Anyway, Hang in there. Keep posting. We are here for you.