mbrento
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Does anyone have any thoughts/insight as to how my BP husband appears "normal" when around other people? Sometimes I think he's right and I am the one who is majorly disturbed, not him, because he is always going on about how if he was so BP or otherwise mentally disturbed, everyone would be noticing and calling him on it, not just me. He has a job, pays his bills, has friends and family. I would call his relationships with friends and family somewhat off at times -- behavior like not returning their multiple phone calls while he disappears into depression for a day or two tends to take its toll, but when he comes out of it, he claims he never got their calls, or was confused, or some other excuse. But by and large he had several friends and family members visit him in the hospital during his last episode when he got taken away from our home in an ambulance after swallowing a bottle of pills, jumping out an upstairs window, and slicing his wrists, then blamed me for driving him to it. He blamed a prescription drug overload/misuse, but now he's changed his tune and says I'm to blame because I cut him down all the time and I'm too mean and sarcastic. Anyway, the point is, whenever I try to point his own behavior out to him as being extreme and to the point that he needs treatment, he denies that his behavior is that bad, tells me my own is just as screwy as his, and then states further that if he was so horrible, why do his friends and family not challenge him also? It's true that if he has BP (he has been diagnosed, but we all know that's subjective to a point), it's a mild form, as he doesn't have the extreme mania I've read about on here -- he doesn't attack me out of the blue, call me names, etc. The MO is more like everything goes along fine until I either don't back down from his inconsistencies, or until I bring something up myself that is bothering me. In either case, he is EXTREMELY sensitive to anything he perceives as "criticism" or "sarcasm," so much so that I have to walk on eggshells and speak very, very carefully, attempting to not saying anything that might set him off. He's EXTREMELY defensive, we literally cannot have any sort of conversation that might even hint that he is doing anything "wrong" (I can't even say "wrong" - that's a trigger word). Then it all gets pointed back at me and how I'm simply just never happy, difficult to please, a bitch, etc. etc. and how if I would just relax and "accept" him, all would be well. Also, how, since no one else seems to think he's problematic, or, if they do, they don't mention it, that the problems, therefore, must be me. So if he truly is BP, is it common for them to be able to appear one way to a spouse and differently to friends and family? And if so, what logic do I come back with for his argument that he must not have BP if no one else thinks this way? ALSO ----- does anyone have any insight into the very slight, subtle, "twists" of conversations of dealing with someone with BP? I don't think he completely fabricates things or tells outright lies, but dealing with him is so confusing. Stories change minute to minute, when a third person like a family member or friend gets involved, it gets even worse, the "he said/she saids." I believe that his stories change slightly, that his interpretations, even, of what's being said, shift in such a way as to be just slightly different between 2 or 3 people that not one of them, on an individual basis, can claim to see anything extreme on his part, because it's all so subtle. Does anyone have experience with this? Maybe I shouldn't be asking a BP support group this, as the answer would seem kind of biased toward BP, but is this truly how normal people operate, and I'm way off base? I'm willing to consider the possibility that I'm off-kilter, not him. After all, according to him, he's got a whole legion of people - friends and family - who all think he's fine and that I'm difficult. He's always lining up people on his "side," trying to build a case that he has the same personality quirks as anyone else and that he doesn't have any serious mental disorders, it's just that I'm too picky and hard to please. I'm willing to consider that possibility if that's the truth but I'm inclined to think it's just twisted BP blame, denial, justification and rejection. Any personal insight or experience would be helpful. I'm still riding the fence between he's "normal" and we just don't get along, or he has a major personaliy disorder such that he can't help his behavior. Any similar experiences? The problem is that he's not extreme bipolar to the point that he has obvious outbursts that anyone could see. It could be low-level BP or borderline personality, or a combination of other things. He thinks that shrinks keep diagnosing him with one thing or another because he keeps walking in and after all, they have to do SOMEthing. But now he's convinced himself that his behavior is simply his personality and not anything that needs to be "treated." The only thing he thinks needs to be treated is his anger blowups. Which only happen when he's around me, and are caused by me, he says. Thanks much everyone. |
