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DC121
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Any advice on dealing with the pain that a bipolar spouse can cause. I love my husband very much and I don't want to leave him or anything like that. When he is himself he is a very good person, father, husband.... But when he isn't he can be very hateful. I am having trouble coping. His illness has had really affected who I am. I have a lot of trouble with it all. Anyone got any advice on how to cope? |
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PerfectlyImperfect
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hey Dc, sorry youre having a hard time right now. is your husband on meds? seeing a doctor? is he taking the necessary steps in controling bipolar? if the answer is yes then coming here & talking, venting or just making friends has helped me a lot. you also may want to find someone to talk to for yourself as well as he. if he's not then i'm really sorry because i know how hard it is. my bf has not been on meds up until friday of last week. only you know how much you can take. you need to make sure that you take care of you at all times. take some time to do something for yourself, it may help more then you know. hopefully i didnt babble too much and made some sense its early for me lol but i wanted to at least give my opinion. i'm sure others will come by and offer their help as well Good luck & stay strong |
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DC121
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Thanks. My husband is on meds but not for very long. We have had a lot of financial problems so it has been a struggle. He takes his meds, but he doesn't think he has bipolar, he just thinks he has an anger problem. I guess my biggest problems right now is I just can't stop and enjoy the moment without worrying about what is around the corner...what is going to happen next...what he is going to do to hurt me next. I guess I take it too personally. And I have read on here a hundred times that you shouldn't, but how do you not???
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TerriTee
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Hi, DC! Your husband sounds like mine - takes the meds even though there is no such thing as bipolar disorder. My husband has been pretty stable since Dec., but it took a couple months for the meds to start working. I definitely understand the fear of not knowing what to expect next, and always looking perhaps a little to closely to see if he's okay. But it does get a little better as he becomes more stable for longer periods of time. I think I will always deal with the uncertainty to some degree, though. As long as he is getting help, there is hope! Hang in there. Terri Most people don't know that there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life - Brian Andreas |
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red1965
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DC, I think you have taken the first steps toward understanding that which is bipolar, keep up the good work. Now how to just not take it personally, I do my best to recognise that it is the bipolar talking (for lack of a better way of putting it). When you recognise what is happening objectively (mania, depression, etc.) you can better deal with how you respond which directly effects the outcome of the situation. It is very important for us as the loved ones of a person with bipolar to take care of ourselves too. This means taking care of ourselves both physically and mentally. It can take time for the meds to work and or find the right ones. Once the right cocktail is found it makes all the difference. We are here for you anytime you wanna talk. Feel free to join in anywhere, ask questions, leave answers, vent and even make some new friends. You are not alone! God Bless RED |
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mbrento
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Hi DC121, You really need to talk to people yourself about your situation. If you have no friends or family you can confide in, you should consider therapy. It does not "fix" the situation but getting someone else's perspective, someone to bounce things off, can make all the difference in how YOU feel. And everyone's right, you've got to take care of yourself as much as you can. It's very hard to not get sucked down into it, but if you're BOTH going down, that doesn't help him or you. That's how you cope. As for whether you SHOULD cope, we've all got our own line for determining just how much misery we can take or not. One therapist said to me when my first hubby went "crazy" and I thought he was BP that although she obviously couldn't diagnose him from her chair, that whatever he was doing, it sounded cruel and certainly a bad situation for ME. Her focus on me, rather than the madness surrounding him, really helped change my perspective. So whether it's BP or just a bad situation, only you know how much you're willing to sacrifice your own needs. If you choose to love him and miserable, that's your choice. But no one can blame you for helping yourself, either. You're a person who's entitled to your own wants or needs. It's NOT all about him. So take care. Even talking to a therapist once a week can take a tremendous load off yourself --- like a stay-at-home mom who's desperate for other adult interaction, rather than Dora the Explorer all day. Mental diseases can be very isolating. Don't hesitate to help yourself in any way you can. Hope this helps. |
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DC121
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I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for there advice. I don't have a lot of people that I can talk to and I can't afford therapy so it does help to come here. I was just curious how some of you others did it.
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Jah
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Hi DC121, Excellent advice from MBrento and everyone here on this link. As for me I haven't been on here for a week or so. I felt I had gotten as far as I could with all the wonderful advice and support I have received from this site and it was time to take action. I gave my husband the ultimatum of get help or I'm leaving you. That came as quite a shock to him as initially he wouldn't accept he had done anything wrong. He told me of some of the mental abuse his father had given him growing up but I had to explain that his behaviour was inexcusable and although I can appreciate him sharing his thoughts with me it was NOW ABOUT ME AND NOT HIM! He has agreed to our appointment on April 1 (fools day of all days) and I will let you know how he reacts in that appointment but I'm hoping that he'll stay calm and not over-react. He knows I am serious now and for the past week he has been a model husband - I don't expect that it will stay this way always but will remain positive that he can get the help and right medication he needs - and also he has to accept he is bipolar instead of one day admitting it and the next denying it. A lot of selective memory loss goes on with him. Good luck to you - The therapist session did help me but to be honest, I have received more informative and helpful information here than I thought possible. Kind regards Jah |
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carmen33
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Hi, DC, everyone has given you wonderful advice, getting help for yourself will do a lot for you, having therapy for my bipolar and for the fact that my husband drives me nuts sometimes sure helps.. do you have a mental health clinic around? they are generally run either by the state or by the county you live in, call them and ask about getting help there, they generally have some sort of sliding scale fee thing you could do, it would be based on what you can pay. Having been off work for a while and not having insurance, I have had to go through them for my therapy and for my medications. |
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dragonfly2catch
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DC,i am so sorry you are confused and hurting really it is such a tuff time i know im goin through it too..The anger issues /BP well my partner went through anger management courses because at first thats what they thought it was then they came to realize nope not it at all(not a suprise to me because i was married to someone with bp and depression for 5 years) i just am drawn to these people lol.so i kinda knew but did not wanna play DR. now he is in counseling and will start meds april 3rd so that is another chapter to the journey here..finding the right meds can be a scary ride..but im givin it my all until or if he stops gettin help then i have to leave well he will have to lol my house.i pray that you will be strong and have all the courage you need to understand what is happening around you and that you and yours will be safe..be blessed :~dragonfly and its crazy because until this partner i was clueless about what it really was because my first experience was so mild he never did the things this one does and i thought i was a pro..lol NOPE sure was not..this one took me to a whole new amusement park rollar coasters everywhere up,down, up,down lol take care.you are worth happiness and love never forget that.. |
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