Need an idea of a diagnostic

My mother is mentally ill and has been for as long as I've known her. In the past years, it has gotten much, much worse and it's clear she can't control it anymore. I could write for days and still not cover exactly what's wrong with her - instead, I'll try to keep it as brief, concise and structured as I can.

But firstly, it's very important to say that she doesn't admit the fact that's she's not well, she believes she's perfectly normal and her behavior is very motivated. She has a way of making people feel guilty for her problems, blaming everybody for everything, and she seems to seriously think that everybody around her (but her, of course) is "insane", as she puts it.

One very strong symptom is suspiciousness. She suspects everybody for everything, she locks rooms around the house, when she's only by herself, so if the thieves come, they won't be able to enter those rooms. When she goes to the rest room at work, she locks her office and takes her purse with her, since people could steal her money, even from the locked office. She changes her house's locks regularly, without any good reason. I could really go on for thousands of lines, but I'll just finish by saying that when I was still living with her, she used to keep me out until she came back from work (which was very late at night) – she had taken away my key – so I don't steal from the house. I never did, and I was never a problematic child. She doesn't trust anybody, she has no friends, she doesn't allow anybody in the house. She thinks that online delivery businesses are cover-up thief gangs that only operate to build a large list of addresses.

She's very violent, especially in language, she loves to make people feel bad, she loves to hurt and offend.

She has seclusion periods sometimes, when she doesn't want to see anybody, or answer any phones, although she has a very important position at work.

She believes that she's perfect, and other people are to blame for her failures (she divorced my father when I was 17, and it was my fault, as I didn't know how to bring them back together).

She has an eating disorder (is largely overweight, and eats extremely much).

Lately, she shows no restraint in public.

She tries to control everything and everybody, and when she realizes that it doesn't work that way, she gets terribly angry and vindictive. She seems not to be able to understand that she can't control the world.

She has megalomania outbursts (she's the most important person in the world, and nothing could exist without her).

She has philanthropic periods, followed by extreme stinginess (she's basicaly pretty unstable).

Any many more... I don't wanna bore everybody to death.

She's very unhappy and frustrated, but would NEVER-EVER admit she has a psychological problem. Taking her to a mental health professional is totally out of the question.

Living with her is lately impossible (even talking on the phone with her is very difficult, usually she just hangs up), and even though she pushed everybody around her away, I still love her and would like to help, from all my heart. I don't know how much of this is paranoia, schizophrenia or really insufferable personality traits.

I'd like an educated guess on what's wrong with her, and where and how to start helping.

Getting her to admit she has a problem looks momentarily like an impossible task.

Thank you for "listening", and for giving me the opportunity to order my thoughts a little.

Thanks for the kind acknowledgement.

I am feeling a little down today. For me a "down" period (depression) is normal, and I manage merely by "allowing" myself to scale down my activity and rest. I try not to feed it with negative energy, and soon it will go away. So this is my scaled down response.

You cited several aspects of your mother's nature: suspiciousness, violent, eating disorder, no restraint, control, megalomania, unstable, unhappy and frustrated.

Without explaining why (please forgive me), I suggest that you sit down, perhaps even with a trusted friend, a clergyman, or a counselor, and try to identify and list which of your mother's personality and behavioral traits might also be present in you. This is often a good exercise for me when I seek to help someone else. The process is called "identifying."

Also maybe you can visit the holist forum where you may draw some insight into fear and belief, and the role they play in our perception of things. See the article.

Thanks for your post.

Your new friend,

Jim

Thanks for your post.

Your new friend,

JIm

You touched a very sensitive spot there - I've been thinking of seriously doing this exercise since very long ago, back when I discovered that mental illness runs in my family (my grandmother - from my mother's side - was diagnosed with paranoia) but kept postponing it - out of fear of what I may discover, most likely, trying to avoid the facts. Still, I feel nothing like my mother, and I'm really trying (sometimes unconsciously) to be and behave less like her.

I want to be less like her, and sometimes it sickens me to recognize parts from her in me. It's impossible for her sway not to have imprinted on me, via genetics and, especially and most importantly, education and extensive exposure. Every time I do something against my first instinct, that I recognize as motherly influence, I feel it as a victory. I hope to have more and more of these victories. It's sad, though, to perceive normal behavior as a personal victory (especially over your mother's legacy).

I will sit down with my husband and think and discuss very sincerely about this. And it would help me heaps if I could share some of the conclusions with you. I hope to find you in a better day, too .

More better days to come, and thank you for all that you're doing here. You inspire, you give so much, you bring hope, good mood, and you bring smiles. Which is more than most people can offer.