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BipolarHusband
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Hello my name is Jennifer and my husband is bipolar and is addicted to drugs and alcohol. We have four children ages 10, 5, 4, and 2. I am currently a stay at home mom. We have been married for 11 years and almost right after we married his diseases started rearing thier ugly faces. We started our family at a young age I was 17 & he was 16 we were is a sense forced into marriage by my parents, but we did truely love each other. After our first child was born my husband started cheating on me and using drugs on an occasional basis me being young and naieve forgave him for the cheating...I was in love! When our daughter was 2 he was cheating on me all the time and using drugs heavy..I left and we remained seperated for almost 2 years. The turning point was when he got arrested he was in jail for 6 months during that time he started reading the bible again and had a lot of time on his hands to think about all of the horrible things he had done to me & our daughter (who agt the time was oblivious to what had went on). He asked for a second chance and without hesitation I jumped back into our relationship almost like nothing had ever happend. Shortly after,I became pregnant with our second child and those ugly addictions started entering the picture once again. It was at this time he was diagnosed with bipolar along with alcohol/drug addiction combined they said it is not uncommon to have the dual diseases. He stayed on medicine for a few weeks and went off of them he said they were not helping (he also seems to think that taking the medicine makes him and feel like a "crazy person".) After our second son was born he lost his license because of DUI and things seemed to be getting better except for the depression he experienced. Then I got pregnant with # 3...things were still pretty good. When I got pregnant with #4 things started going bad again he went to Florida to work after the hurricanes hit and he decided it was party time again the cheating drug use and alcohol use started up again. Since he quit working down there almost 3 years ago things have been bad on and off. He goes through spurts of using drugs but almost every night drinks a beer or 2. He no longer has his license it got suspended again for speeding to many times. He has made some "new friends" they are 16 & 17 years old he is 27. He provides them with alcohol and hangs out with them almost every night. He relates to them and for some reason needs thier acceptance...I dont understand! My 5 year old craves his fathers attention so greatly and sometimes he gets it sometimes he doesent and I know it hurts him so bad. I try to make excuses for him and I try explaing his bipolar as a disease that he has no control over in terms he will understand but at 5 it just is not a good enough answer he feels neglected and hurt I dont blame him I do too. He is always looking to his coaches (he just started playing football) for so much acceptance it hurts me so much. I love my husband but sometimes love just is not enough. I see him hurt my children emotionally and it makes me so angry. He wont get on medicine he refuses and because he is the main breadwinner it puts me in an almost impossible position. He is constantly threating to leave me because I "mommy him" to much and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so sorry for this book I have written but I needed to vent and get it all out. To make matters worse sometimes I think that my children will end up worse of if I stay with him than if I leave him then on the other hand I am afraid it will cause one of them to have the same problems he has if I stay. I read somewhere if one of your parents is Bipolar you have a 15% greater chance of developing it yourself. My son is already so much like him. Thanks again for reading..if you got this far lol and any suggestions, and positive thoughts you may have on the situation would be greatly appreciated. Jennifer |
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happy1
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Hi Jennifer- You found the right place to vent, write and listen. This all sounds so familar to so many of us. I think I read somewhere that Bipolar isn't hereditary--but I'm not sure if that statement is true-and if it's true-I don't think I believe it, b/c God knows my husband is his mother's son! It is hard when you have kids. The lying, cheating, drinking, drugs, trouble with the law, mood swings---you are a tough cookie for living like that for this long. Do you want to leave him--is that what you are contemplating? |
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redrose
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The way that Bipolar was explained to me is that it is hereditary. I didn't have a parent that was ever diagnosed but feel safe in saying that my father was. I have two siblings and me that are bipolar. My daughter has been diagnosed with the dual diagnosis, alcohol and drug abuse. I have had many discussion with my mother about this disorder and I really think that I have yet another sibling that has this but she would never be willing to admit it. Please don't think that all siblings are like this. I have 11 siblings so really there are some that are fine........ When seeking treatment for my sis that was in crisis, the first question was "What parent was bipolar?" I hope that this will help you out some......
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Gypsy
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Hi there, For one, you have been through alot, with this man. And two, have you done anything for yourself? or your kids,lately? I have a sick fiance who has a chronic illness and other stuff going on, and I had to learn to start taking care of me, and focus on filling up my own cup. I have to take care of myself, if I expect to have anything to give anyone else. Do you have friends ? Or maybe you could get some counseling for you? Anyway, This is just what has helped me start changing things in my life. God bless, Gypsy God Bless,Gypsy |
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okperez1
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Hi, Dont worry about your story being to long, It is important to get it out, I have a situatuion like yours, My spouse is in jail now, I have divorced him, but the heart strings are still there. I have been telling him he is a bipolar for 5 years, No I am not a doctor, just a bipolar for 28 years here, and like the doctor (the jail psyc) said to him "It takes one to know one." He was in such denial, he couldnt have a disorder, he was a Puerto Rican MAN, The things this man has put me through, drugs, alcohol, cheating, for five years. Oh,here is the one that gets me the most, the constant lying!!!! Enough to make anyone doubt their own sanity. Is this in the genes??? I have been researcing this disorder for so many years,( I also suffer from agoraphobia, ie I dont leave the house, a hermit) I have read just about everything on this, but I am no expert, why?? because everyones disorder is their own. Generalizations, ok there are a few, most DR.s believe it does come from a genetic coding, but not any thing specific. A parent could have had ADD or ADHD,depression, really pretty much any mental disorder and passed bi-polar down. The only way to know if your son has a disorder is to get a clinical diagnosis. If he does, your awareness and knowledge can help him learn his triggers. Keep a journal of his behavior, but do yourself a favor, dont write negatives in there, just in case he ever got a hold of the book, I just think children should know THEY are not BAD, just some of their behavior can be. I kept a journal of my husband, and during one of his drug induced manic episodes he read it and shredded it. I cant lie, I was brutal in my writtings, I said some very negative things that he still Quotes today. Your other thought I believe was going in the area of divorce, I can tell you I divorced my husband, but just like a piece of paper cant keep you married, it cant divorce you either. Thats going to be one of your decisions, all yours, for your reasons, and no one but you can decide. It is a tough road, being married to a bipolar, Its a tough road being bipolar. my heart and prayers go out to you. Kelley |
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BipolarHusband
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Thanks for all of your thoughts and well wishes. What prompted me to write my post yesterday and join was on Tuesday night my husband "borrowed" my sisters car. He and his friends defaced some of her belongings, threw up in her car and left it, and stole her money. I hide my keys because of his past and she has lived her a year and he has never touched her car so she and I both thought he never would. Guess we were wrong! He has no license and he has previously crashed and totaled 3 vehicles. I am asuming he was in his manic state that night. To make matters worse his parents who live with in 2 minutes of us are prescribed pain meds and they give it to HIM. I have begged and pleaded with them not to because #1 it is illegal and I am almost sure this is what kicks him into his manic episodes. He stayed up for almost 4 days straight. I went to pick him up last night from work he asked me to stop at the store so he could buy a beer. I told him no any money you have you need to give to me to replace what you stole from my sister and replace the gas you used. We get half way past the store & he opened the car door, I was going about 45mph and almost jumped out! I was floored and not wanting to be the cause of his death I ended up turning around and letting him get it. So half way home we got to talking and I told him how I felt and begged him to go get counseling & meds for his bipolar and he refuses!!! By the time we got home he was in a depressive state. He admitted last night that he never really gets close to anyone because he is afraid they are going to die.He used to do ecstacy really heavy when he was younger and he has experienced a lot of death in his life a lot of his close relatives. I read somewhere that traumatic experiences can lead to the onset of bipolar as well. My heart wants our marriage to work, my head is telling to get out before things get any worse if thats even possible, but my main concern is my children because I know if we split up they will more than likely never see him because him will go off the deep end. I'am just so confused! I want to do the right thing for everyone involved but don't know what that is! IThanks again for letting me vent. Jennifer |
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Gypsy
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Hi, I don't think he's wanting help at all. I think he is still busy in his disease and self medicating. I did that for years. I also think it's not healthy at all for kids to be around a parent who is acting like that, whether, he's bipolar or not. And you can't make him stop he has to wan't to stop. Do you really want to live like that with some one who doesn't want to do anything different? I would listen to your head. I would take care of you and your kids. Your kids deserve a peaceful safe life. He will just have to make the choice to grow up when he's ready. Do you really want to be raising a big kid for the rest of your marriage? Just a thought. God bless....Gypsy God Bless,Gypsy
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okperez1
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Hi Jen, I am so compelled to write to you, again I too, have a husband that has destroyed my things, torn up my cloths , threw away pics of my dead mom, crashed cars, stolen money, jewerly, 32000.00$ to date, in just cash alone. Called me names, I know what it is like to not be able to put your purse down with out having to keep track of it, knowing that anything you have that has monetary value, or emothional value is at their disposel for sale or destruction.You need to be strong for your kids, do what is best for all of you concerned. It is NOT YOU, it is cocaine, why do I say that, that is what I think he may be on. Staying up 4 days straight, yea, thats coc.You , unfortunatley are not able to cure him, he has not admitted to being a drug addict, right, he has to fix this for himself, and your too close to it to do anything but love him, I am sorry for all your pain, I know how bad this is for you right now, please know you are not alone, we are here. Those of us who suffer and those of us who live with sufferers. Kelley |
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irishdana33
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"I read somewhere that traumatic experiences can lead to the onset of bipolar as well" I took that sentence from what you wrote because I can VERY MUCH relate to that statement. I'll explain. For years, I knew something was wrong but I was able to "hide it" pretty well until I found out that my Dad was dying. My dad was (is) my untimate hero. He was a highly-decorated Vietnam Veteran. However, he had A LOT of deep emotional problems which led to him coming and going in and out of my life. When he was in my life, we were super close. Then out of no where, he would up and disappear out of my life again (he suffered with bi-polar too among other things). Anywho, when I found out he was dying and I was taking care of him, I started to "crack". The signs and symptoms of bi-polar could be hidden no longer and I hit such a state of depression, panic, sorrow, anger, everything. Three months later, he died and I lost it. Nothing was ever "right after that for me. Depression over took my life and I stopped trusting or caring for anyone (except my children). My Dad was died, my marriage sucked, I really didn't have much family left (except my kids, brother and sister). Then three years after my Dads death, my sister committed suicide (she has bi-polar too). I went out of control!! Literally!! I completely became unglued!! I hit a major mania that very day and for ten months..........I lived on a roller coaster and the mania ruled my life and wrecked it at the same time. I would definately have to say that two traumatic events triggered the overwelming symptoms of bi-polar. I believe I have always suffered with it but up until my fathers death, I was able to "self-medicate" and falsely and foolishly cope with it but hiding and "pretending". Dana |
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