Bipolar Support Group

Well I messed up. I am still gong to the hospital and will probably check in a few times today but then will go this afternoon. I cut this morning. i think it was eating at me that I really want help so I think I looked for a reason to do some of my destructive behaviors one last time. I woke up frustrated with my hubby cause he's been distant. I told him it bothered me and we ended in a fuss and him leaving for work. This left me a mess. As soon as he pulled out of the driveway I had gotten a knife and was cutting. It is so hard to stop. I hadn't cut in like 2 years and was doing so good with that and now I am so mad at myself. I feel like such a failure. And now that I have ruined it,it's like why not cut til I don't feel upset anymore. I know I don't need to do that but now I am uncertain of my hospital stay as I am going in with fresh injuries now. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do anymore.

I also just told both of my parents about my eating disorder and hospital plans last night. I haven't even processed what they said. I just feel like I am spinning and everyone is yelling at me what a let down I am. Noone has said that but I feel that way

Pixie,

I cut myself as a teen. Looking back it was because I was hurting so much inside, I wanted a hurt I could actually see, to give me a reason to feel as badly as I did. When I'm really depressed I stop eating. Maybe I want to lose so much weight that I'll just dissappear?

Until you start taking care of yourself first, you will let everyone down. You need help and you can't worry about what anyone else thinks. At least in my case, family lives in denial and just doesn't talk about things like that. It's out of their comfort zone.

Please go to the hospital and get your mind straight. You are a kind, caring and intelligent person and you deserve to feel good.

love,

psk

Hey Pixie, You are almost there...we are rooting for you...put some antiseptic on those cuts...and go get some help, sugar. I am praying for you and sending lots of positive energy your way...I never cut myself so don't know what to say to help you with that...wish I did. just hugs, and hoping you will be well...Norma

Pixie, please go get some help hun! You can do it and you will feel so much better.

Pixie, clean up and get to the hospital. Do not worry about them refusing treatment because of the new cuts... it will definitely reinforce the reason that you need to be there.

Your family does not understand what is happening with you, they can't. You have to take care of yourself and get the treatment you need and deserve.

As Norma said... WE ARE ROOTING FOR YOU! GO!

Hi Pixie,

I am sorry you are going through this.Getting help is not always graceful. If you are scared, you are going to act out even worse before you get better. You are fighting with that 1000lb gorilla. Having an eating disorder, and an addiction to cutting, you probably feel you don't deserve help. Having bipolar is just going to make it worse. I didn't get help for my bipolar because, i felt like deserved it, or because, I felt good.I was a mess. I also was so desperate, I didn't care what others thought. I didn't want to die. I also had lost my kids, and put them through hell. I mostly wanted to stop hurting. I didn't want to put my kids through that again.

Later I realized, that, I was hurting others, too. They had to watch me suffer. This is not about anyone else but you. Until you get help you will not be able to be there for anyone. I know you want to make the pain go away. But, it wont go away until you get real help. I would pray my ass off right now, if, I were you. That's what, I did, when, I couldn't stop destroying myself with drugs, and alcahol. I prayed when, I was suicidal a year ago. The things you do to hurt yourself are forms of slow suicide.

These things, that you do to yourself are addictions.You are not going to be able to stop on your own.

I would get to the hospital ASAP.So you don't do anything elase to hurt yourself.

When I am vulnerable, and going through a hard time, I get needy. I tend to cling to my boyfriend during these times. You husband is probably very worried about you. My boyfriend gets distant when he is feeling upset. The best thing you can do for everyone concerned is get help. WE care about you safety.

Thanks. My hubby gets off work at 1:30 and I leave then. A friend of ours called and I asked them to come stay with me til he gets home so I am not alone.

oh Pixie, Im sorry hunnie. i'm sorry you have to go through this. I am glad that you called a friend to come stay with you. I will be thinking good thoughts & sending prayers as well. This is just a minor setback. Go to the hospital and get well. We will still be here for you when you come home. please do yourself the favor and get the help you need. We need you here with us

Good job Pixie,

I am glad you are not alone