MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
06/27/2009 09:08 PM

Who am i

Skitz0417
Skitz0417  
Posts: 474
Member
I'm an Advocate

does anyone besides me ever just wonder who they are? i mean haveing bpd along with the rest of illness i have i cant tell who i am or what i am worth i am tired of this crap i want the person i was when i was younger back. and i know ppl are tired of hearing this from me and i am sorry just wondered if anyone but me thinks this. i am sorry to take up anyones time
Reply

06/27/2009 09:12 PM
lmo
lmo  
Posts: 104
Member

I completely understand. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a movie through my eyes and when I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself. Personally, I always wanted to go back to 11,12 cause everything seemed easier then.

06/27/2009 09:17 PM
lmo
lmo  
Posts: 104
Member

I think the biggest problem, is that with all the ups and downs, you can lose track of yourself. I know growing up I felt like I was two people, the crazy happy outgoing popular girl, and the sad, cutting, drinking, afraid to leave my room girl. The middle road is the part that's missing...

06/27/2009 09:22 PM
Tabbybp
Tabbybp  
Posts: 113
Member

hi Skitz, I can relate too. I don't know where I end and my illness begins. When I am manic, I feel most like the true me, yet when I come down from the clouds the manic me is so alien and horrid.

I hate this illness.


06/27/2009 10:25 PM
bagofcandy
bagofcandyPosts: 1259
Senior Member

Hey Skitz, I can empathize with you as well...I have the added problem of being a compulsive liar...it almost feels like the fake life I've built is more real than my real life.

06/27/2009 11:41 PM
ComingUndone
ComingUndone  
Posts: 1444
Senior Member

Oh heck yea I always wonder who I am. And I think I barely know. Like maybe a hint of an idea. That's why I have turned to therapy (again).

06/28/2009 01:34 AM
neondreams
neondreams  
Posts: 7297
VIP Member

I'm a rapid cycler, so my moods change several times/hour and sometimes every minute. Over the past 1.5 years I've been asking myself who I am and if constant rapid cycling and mania are the person I'm going to be for the rest of my life. I've also never been someone who becomes upset easily, so when I was told that I attacked my sister 3 years ago during a manic/psychotic episode and needed to put in wrist and ankle restraints, I was shocked. Now that I'm on the right med combo, I feel more like the person I used to be before I started showing signs of bipolar. I know I'm still going to have bad days, but at least now the good days outnumber the bad.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 06/28/2009 01:36 AM


06/28/2009 03:35 AM
Curlupandie
CurlupandiePosts: 280
Member

I wonder where the old me went and who this new person is every day. Will I ever find the old me again. Who knows.

06/28/2009 03:39 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

I know who I am. I am the girl on 50 First Dates. My morals and values are the only things that hold me together and keep me "me."

06/28/2009 10:26 AM
Drucilla
Drucilla  
Posts: 380
Member

Skitz: I frequently wonder who I am, more often than that, though, I wonder why I am. May I share with you a piece of writing that leaves me in wonderment and acceptance over and over?

The Desiderada

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere, life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and lonleiness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. ~~Max Ehrmann, ca 1920's

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved