Bipolar Support Group

I dunno if that's the best way to say it. On Thursday I was talking to my therapist about my mother and she said my mother was a narcissist. I had NEVER thought she was one (because I didn't really know what that meant), and I was open to learning about it. And it's true. And as I'm reading through the definition and explanations it's getting really painful because it's so true. That's my life. And I still don't want to believe it.

Basically what I'm saying is in having this breakthrough, I'm getting all these feelings that I am having a very hard time handling. It's supposed to be a big deal but it's so painfully overwhelming. Has anybody else had this?

Hi Ms. Undone, is this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Narcissistic_personality_disorder what you are referring to?

I had to look it up, because I was unsure and unfamiliar with that term as a clinical diagnosis.

I am curious, it sounds like this is affecting you very strongly, have you found any help from others in similar situations? To be honest it seems absolutely terrify for a parent to have this mental illness, scarier even than bipolar (well than Bipolar on meds)

Please update us, I'm curious and would like to offer an ear to listen.

Undone, I think it was a bit of a reach for your therapist to sit in her office and diagnose your mother, having never met her or had extended therapy sessions with her.

But let's assume she's right. Nothing has changed. Your mother was always a narcissist and you always responded in kind. Now that you can research NPD you have a deep insight into your mother's behavior, which may help you understand your own actions and defense mechanisms, structured as a child and solidified as an adult. It takes what it takes to survive. You're a survivor. Drucilla

Thanks for the responses. I have a book called "Narcissism" by Alexander Lowen. And I guess it's true that she can't diagnose my mother..in which case it's not a real breakthrough. Some of the things I read she doesn't do, but then again I know for sure I am in denial.

I dealt with the pain of reading about NPD and comparing it to my mother. I started crying a lot and then dissociated. I'll ask my therapist about the whole staying present and dealing with your feelings thing I hear so many good things about.

Hey ComingUndone,

I had a tdoc tell me my mother also suffers from NPD...that was on our third "date". She also gave me two additional diagnoses.

I was a bit put off by her throwing out so many disorders, and I never went back to see her.

But, I'm excited that you mentioned the book by Lowen cause maybe I'll go and read it and see what she was thinking.

The fact that you were able to recognize your disassociation is a good sign I think...it sounds like you're ready for the next step!

Apparently there is a better book out there about it but I'm not sure what it's called. Something about a mirror

My therapist has not diagnosed me yet. I'm not sure when they are supposed to do that haha I've been diagnosed at all different times.

Hey, I just wanna throw in that my latest obstetrition was defined as having a "narcassistic personality" and MI that he would never recover from. I will save U the Horror story behind it, but b/c of my experience and several other women's, he was banned from practicing as an OB/Gyn ever again and stripped of his liscense.

I believe this is the book Christine is referring to:

http://www.amazon.com/Trapped-Mirror-Elan-Golomb/dp/ 0688140718

Christine, please correct me if I am wrong.

Trapped in the Mirror, Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self by Elan Golomb Ph.D. I have read it and it is an excellent. If your mom is a narcissist she won't have every symptom. My Dad is one. And I went through hell growing up as a result. He also molested me and is a convicted child molestor. The point is there is something wrong with your Mother and you have to deal with what happened growing up by her hands. Read this book and you will understand it alot more. I trust my therapist and based on what I told her about my Dad I think she's right. They are there to help us with our childhood and expereinces in life. Who our parents are is plays a huge part in how we deal with things as an adult.

after 2 years of therapy my tdoc said she thought after listening to many childhood experiences and the current relationship with my mother, that she believed my mother probably had borderline personality disorder. i bought a book called surviving a borderline parent and had a similar experience....i felt like i wrote the book. it was devastating to me. but, as i read through the book, i realized there were positive steps to start changing my role in the relationship with my mother. good luck to you comingundone....here's to new beginnings and a healthy outlook.