Mother who doesn't get it

She never told me she was proud of me, never gave me any encouragement, only one time in my life did I hear her say she was proud of me, and that was when I took my one year chip in AA, had a shrink tell me one time that if I was waiting for my Mothers approval, forget it, it was never going to happen, like you I carried a lot of resentment towards her, after hearing this from the shrink, it made a lot of sense to me.. I was able to release the resentments, and move on in my life.. you've got your own family unit now, you are no longer part of that sickness, take care of you and your family..

When she shows up with her next gaudy gift, just tell her thank you for thinking of you and pass it on to the nearest thrift shop...someone out there in this world will love it.. I know with all the hurt that you have going on, it's hard to find anything positive in this, but think of it this way, at least she did think about you enough to get you a gift, she might have considered ending her pregnancy, but she didn't and now the world has the wonderful person you are...

You can use a healing method I did, during the first week in rehab, I was encouraged to sit down and write out a letter of my anger towards the asshole who abused me, and the resentments I held towards my mom, I spent over 6 hours crying and writing between the tears.. I took it out back of the rehab, read it aloud, and burned it, it got it out of me, and allowed me to start on the path to healing and acceptance.. Mom still gets to me on occasion, but I have learned to just walk away, leave it alone and not put up with her...

Go and get the help that you need, and piss on her if she doesn't believe you, she doesn't have too, as long as you believe in yourself, that is all that matters, address these resentments with your therapist.

It's good to let it all out. I have been in therapy off and on since I was 14 yrs old.

My mom had a partner, that was alcaholic, and my dad is an addict, and bipolar. I was brought to dealer's houses, too. We had parties at our house where they were doing drugs. My dad was really mean to me. I was abused, by my mom's partner. She was a rageaholic. My mom was going to school to get a better career, and meanwhile left me and my brother with this crazy lady.

So, I know what it's like to grow up with parents who are not available emotionally. I was sexually abused, and was blamed for it.

I grew up with all kinds of addictions, and issues.

It's okay to have feelings about all of this stuff. It's how you express your feeling, that counts. We have addiction because, we want to fill a void in ourlives, and shut ourselves down. When, we start feeling comfortable, and safe enough, we start being able to feel our feelings. Coming to support forums, or going to counseling can bring up all kinds of emotions, that we didn't know we had. It happens for me alot when, I go to therapy.

It also can take years to heal from traumatiic events in our lives. There is a term called the peeling of the onion. We go through layers of repressed emotions. I have thought, I had dealt with some issues in my life before, and sometimes it will come up again. This is what is happening for me.

I just went through a lot of stuff about my family in therapy recently. I also have been dealing with hurt from a past relationship. Next, it will be my sexual abuse. I have been over that before, too. What, I am trying to say is it's a life long process.

I think issues with our parents is the hardest one. Our parents form our identities. Our view on the world. I had a lot of shame built up from my childhood. Children are very self centered, and tend to personalize what their parents do to them. They blame themselves. So, that's why we feel so guilty for being angry at them. I had a really hardtime for the admitting that, I was angry at my mom. I have lashed out violently at my dad. I was so angry at him.

One thing I know is that you can start taking care of yourself in the relationship with your mom. You can set boundaries, and start communicating. I had to do that with my parents. It didn't go over well at first, but, as I continued doing it, they had to start treating me like an adult. They couldn't take advantage of me, and walk all over me.

Because of my running away from my family, I got involvesd with a bunch of hippies. I started travelling around with people who wee vegetarian, creative, and were into all kinds of healing. I got introduced to alot of cool stuff at 18 yrs old. I got to start undoing all of the stuff I learned as a child, and was able to create my own life. I started learning how to love myself. I learned how to meditate. I journalled alot,too. That was the introduction for me to dealing with my past.

I have since, been through alot more life events. I have had alot of opportunities to go to take time out to deal with things, too. I have been to rehab, and jail, and retreat centers. it's nice to get away from everything, and take time to deal with ourselves. It's okay to allow others to take care of your stuff while to go do this, too. It will be there, when you get back. This stuff has to come first, or it will continue to haunt you.

I think you are definitely ahead of the game. You are young, and are getting help for your bipolar, and are responsible, and are wanting to deal with your eating disorder. Not all 24 yr olds are into doing this stuff. A good way to heal from this stuff about your parents is to write about it. Write a letter to them, and don't send it. You can say anything you want to, and tear it up. Going to therapy helps. There is a place called ACOA.Adult children of alcaholics. It's for helping you heal from living with an alcaholic parent.

Anyway, I know this is long. I get on a roll, sometimes.

It is so crazy they don't even no who much damage they do to us!I really don't no how we get past it. As I am also working on getting past it!I guess we just keep working on ourselves, never giving up!

My mother was also emotionally abusive to me as well. I remember when I was smaller sitting at the bathroom door BEGGING to get in because I had to pee so bad. My mother and her friends were in the bathroom shooting up drugs..They smoked pot in front of me. It was awful. I remember cutting my foot really bad and bleeding horribley. She had plans to go drink at the bar & take me to a sitter. Instead of rearranging plans because I was hurt, she took me anyways! And the list goes on and on

I don't really recall the last time my mother has ever bought me anything?I think I was very small. I am 30 now. I am so thankful I don't have to rely on her anymore!SHEW!!My kids don't get Christmas from her. They wonder about it but?

I guess something positive that has come out of it is - They have taught us how NOT to be?But, it still hurts & I really haven't figured out how to accept it or what to do with it yet.

I hope I made since with that, I like to ramble!

LOVE & HUGS!

Amber

Have you ever heard of OA, overeaters anonymous? Or maybe you can look up online support groups, and ask if anyone knows of places to get help. Maybe look up in the phone book for treatment for eating disorders.

We can move on and get past all the hurt, as much as it hurt me at the time, and still does from time to time, I am not sure I would change any of it, as it is what has made me, me, and enabled me to be able to reach out to others with a understanding that only someone who has been there would have.