I HATE MY BP SPOUSE

Life is not supposed to be miserable. Love is not supposed to feel the way you feel. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!! You need help. Perhaps you should find a counselor or therapist. Or perhaps you should move in with family. You do not need to feel threatened, especially while you are pregnant.

I have said before, BP's sometimes have boundary issues. You might need to set those boundaries for him. Do not make idle threats, however. Don't say that you are going to leave without doing it. You can't make him take his meds. You can't make him change. You can tell him what behavior is unacceptable and stand your ground. It might be scary, but you are strong enough to do it. How far away is your family? Perhaps, if he does not improve quickly, you should consider taking off and staying with them. You need to me loved. He is not doing that.

I feel for you nesya but please please please rethink your situation. You can talk yourself into thinking this is ok- or he will change but you know in your heart this is far from ok.

please put yourself and babies needs first.

I hope and pray that you find a way out of this situation.

I too have in the past let my husband treat me the same way. Thanks to this forum I have realised it is not ok.

You have to believe in yourself - I promise it can be done - you have three very good reasons to make some changes - You, your toddler and your unborn child.

love and best wishes x

Please take care of yourself and your children, that is the important thing right now!

BTW, do you know if you are having a boy or a girl yet? OK I am just being nosey. Babies are so awesome!

God Bless

RED

Look, can I add here that HATE is I believe a big part of everyone, and to hate is close to the pain we feel when we love the wrong person. I am BP and I know FOR SURE that BP people KNOW WHEN THEY ARE BEING A SHIT! If he will not face his demons, then you have go - you are worth your weight in gold - DO NOT TURN INTO ANOTHER ONE OF HIS SYMPTOMS - cos that's sort of what it's like. You must not feel that you are responsible for his health, or that staying with him is going to benefit anyone. The first time I really faced my problem was five years ago when my partner of 12 years told me to leave him and children. I ended up in hospital - but I also ended up facing things alone with no one I could shout at who would hold me up. LET HIM FALL OVER! Only when he hits the ground will he realise that he has serious problems. You are his crash mat my love, and it isn't right. When you met, you were individuals with equal rights to happiness and each other - now see how the equality has tipped, you having to give everything and him taking. It's what BP can do to you.

I wish there was an easy way for you, but I think you should not be with this man. xx

i'm crying because i'm the bp one, and my husband of 10 years (now ex) treated me just like yours is treating you. i remember having a toddler and being so pregnant. i loved helping to grow a new life inside me, but pregnancy is joyful when shared with someone who is your companion and help mate. it's ok if it's a mom or friend or whomever, but it's not this man. i remember repeating my marriage vows over and over to myself to try to get myself to stay. he abused me, he made me ill more than once. the saddest part is i truly believe his treatment of me caused me to lose my second baby.

you're not crazy or worthless, you just want some peace and to do what your religious beliefs somehow tell you is right. red and i talk about religion and while we don't always agree, what he said up there about god not intending marriage to be like this is so true.

my heart is broken and crushed for you because i felt that way. getting out was hard, but i made it and it was right. the right thing isn't always easy, but it's ALWAYS THE RIGHT THING!

peace be with you.

2. yes bp is a very tough thing to live with. I have not been abused verbally or physically but when I tell you things can be said or done without realizing it is the truth. My bf is bipolar and has many times been in a manic state where he does not know what has happened that day. he loses complete days. (Hopefully come tuesday he will start meds. YAY)

3. no matter what your husband is BP and you can not fix that. He has to be willing to do it on his own. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!!! if you feel that way then you already know what you have to do. Stay strong and take the steps you need to in order to get you in that happy place again.

I wish you luck & prayers and hope that you will realize you are worth more then you think right now.

He may not have beat you, but, he is verbally abusive, and has slapped you. I have been in the same situation, and I almost had to go into a woman's shelter. I got counseling at the woman's shelter, and was able to get help. Also if you stay at an abuse shelter, they can help you with a protection order, so he can't go there and talk you into coming back. That's how common for the perpetrator to try to do this. A common symptom of an abuser is to tear the victim down, so, they won't leave. My ex made me think there was something wrong with me. I did need help. I needed help to leave his ass...LOL

My family lives in Calif, too. I am in Idaho.

What I did to get on my feet, after my ex left me in the gutter pregnant with two kids, and no job, is, I went and got counseling at the YWCA. I got on food stamps. I was able to get WIC. I applied for Housing. If you are in an abuse shelter, they will speed it up.

You can apply for financial assistance through Health and welfare, too.

Social services, will sometimes help you if you and you kids are at risk. Technically, being pregnant, and him abusing you in anyway is injury to a child. It is taken very seriously by state agencies. I have been there. Abandoning you while you are almost in labor is not good. What if you are actually in labor and need to get to the hospital? Is he going to take you there?

Also at the shelter, there are counselors, and staff that will be there for you and your kids. You wont be alone in this either. There are alot of women out there who have been where you are, believe me.

I have had to start over twice. Both times with 3 kids. It is rough, but, very rewarding. I would do anything for my kids, and my safety. It just made me stronger. It also is so nice not have someone yelling at me and my kids. There is hope. You don't have to climb out iof this hole by yourself.

Now, I have a man who loves us for real,who has raised my kids as his own, and is there for them, and me. He can hold a job, and cooks, and cleans,and all kinds of stuff. We had a baby, together. I got to have partner through it. I don't have to raise a big baby. He is still whiney when he gets sick, oh god!!

So, don't worry, it's not the end. You are not a failure, and once you get out of this, and heal, you will find a better man.

You will feel so much better about yourself, and your life.