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nesya10
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 I HATE HIM. HE IS SUCH A PIECE OF **** I AM SO SICK OF BEING ALONE AND STAYING WITH HIM SINCE I'M SUPPOSED TO. HE WON'T TAKE MEDICINE AND BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING. I HAVE NO SELF WORTH, SANITY OR DIGNITY LEFT. I AM WORTHLESS AND HAVE SPENT ALL DAY CRYING. I AM ALMOST 8 MONTHS PREGNANT AND HAVE HAD CONTRACTIONS ALL DAY(NO IT'S NOT LABOR)BUT I'M IN PAIN AND MISERABLE AND ALL HE TELLS ME TO DO IS SHUT UP. WHEN I TELL HIM, THAT I'M IN PAIN HE SAYS HE DOESN'T CARE. DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE TO SPEND THE DAY CHANGING MY TODDLER'S DIAPER, ENTERTAINING HIM AND FEEDING HIM, WHEN I CAN'T EVEN STAND. HIS FAMILY DOES NOTHING TO HELP ME, THEY LISTEN AND WHEN THEY DON'T BLAME ME TO MY FACE I'M SURE THEY DO BEHIND MY BACK. PLEASE DON'T WRITE TO ME TELLING ME THAT HE SHOULD TAKE MEDS OR DO THIS THAT OR THE OTHER. DON'T TELL ME WHAT I AM DOING WRONG. I ALREADY KNOW THAT I AM WORTHLESS. TELL ME THAT IT'S OKAY TO HATE HIM, TELL ME THAT IT'S OKAY TO WANT A DIFFERENT LIFE, A DIFFERENT MAN AND THAT IT'S OKAY TO FEEL LIKE MY HEART WILL EXPLODE WITH PAIN. PLEASE DON'T LET ME FEEL ALONE TONIGHT. AGAIN. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT I SHOULD DO, PLEASE JUST DO FOR ME WHAT NO ONE ELSE WILL. DON'T JUDGE ME, I KNOW I AM WORTHLESS, JUST ACCEPT ME FOR THE BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT I AM INSIDE THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT. THE PERSON THAT HAS TO DIE IN ORDER TO SURVIVE IN THIS HELL.HELP I JUST WANT HIM TO GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE. |
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red1965
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Nesya, YOU ARE OF GREAT WORTH! GOD ONLY MADE ONE OF YOU! HE SPENT ALL THE TIME HE NEEDED TO MAKE YOU TOTOALLY UNIQUE. YOU ARE A MOTHER, YOU ARE CARRYING ANOTHER LIFE IN YOU THAT IS THE GREATEST GIFT FROM GOD THAT THERE IS. We are here for you all night long if you want. YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT BE LEFT ALONE HERE! RED |
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norma
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Whew...that was a lot honey, I can remember being 8 months pregnant and feeling a lot like you do....and I had a toddler too....I was always tired, worn out and my feet were so swollen...You were saying no one will help you...What about your folks??? "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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carmen33
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Neysa darling, you are not worthless, you are not a bad person, you are a person worthy of love, respect and consideration, you are very much entitled to a different life, a different man in your life, and happiness... is there some place that you can go for tonight, just to give you and the baby some peace? |
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southern10
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Neysa We are here for you.....Please take care of you and your babies. Do you have anywhere you can go? |
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nesya10
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the only family that are around are his, ironic huh. i would go, but they are part of the problem. i am so frustrated but i really, really appreciate your support. part of me is in denial that i am loosing him. funny since i would love to ditch the jerk, i guess i just miss what used to be there, a long, long, long time ago. the real question for me is one no one can answer, how much is his disease, how much is his personality. i could handle the disease, it's the thought that maybe that is just really what he's like that i can't handle. if he really is just a jerk, then why am i here, that will never change. i feel tortured daily. i know if i don't leave now, i never will, but where do i go with no money and a toddler and me pregnant. i am so disappointed that my life is such a failure. |
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southern10
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Neysa you are not a failure at all...It hurts I know Im going through a divorce and its not a pretty picture.... You are not alone anywhere you go or turn to.... Your spouse has to come to terms that he is sick.....Its your life....... Do what is best for you and your babies... Post edited by: southern10, at: 03/15/2008 21:06
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Gypsy
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HI Nesya, I was pregnant, and had two toddlers. My ex left me, and would not help me with anything. He always said he had other plans. Pregnancy is a time when You need support. It is really hard the last part of your pregnancy. He should be supportive. You are not a failure.You are not alone, I understand what you are going through. Where does your family live. Is there anyway to contact them, and tell them what's going on? I had my mom's support through my break up with my ex, and with my pregnancy.The other alternative is an abuse shelter. If you are desperate enough that is an alternative. I am not trying to tell you what you should do. I just want to help get you somewhere peaceful for you and your baby, and toddler. God Bless,Gypsy |
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dragonfly2catch
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nesya ok i know you said dont say this and dont say that but i cant be part of your denial i feel terrible you are feeling how i felt last week and i too am pregnant 5 months..i also am in love with someone who is BP and one thing i have learned about BP people on this site is that abuse is not ok it is something a BP person is aware they are doing so he makes a choice. i hear on here BP people who dont cheat who dont abuse and who say it is not ok..so he is full of double shit on top of his sickness..and you are givin him all power over you and your life ..you are not worthless and you deserve the best and at this point i would definately pray for some seriouse strength to leave you have to have friends at least one you can count on?and your right nothing we say is gonna make you leave but if we lie to you and say its ok keep doin what you are doin and we feel sorry for you not bein willing to change anything not only for your sake but your kids then we are helping you stay stuck in sickness...nothing is gonna change unless you change it he has made up his mind ...he dont want help it shows in the things you say.if you were in front of me slapping yourself do you think im not gonna stop you?so when i hear your pain in what you write do you think im gonna enable you?BE BLESSED :~ dragonfly sorry if this is harsh |
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2butterflys
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Dont give up Neysa... just hang in there and try and make it through this day.. tomorrow is another day. I so relate with you- I am the wife of a bp and wrestle the same feelings you have... separating the illness from the man... wondering how much is illness and how much is just him. It hurts like hell to think you fell in love and dedicated your life to cruel person who is really just a jerk under the illness afterall- no meds for that! It's ok to want more in your life. You'll be strong again soon- just hang on for now. Once the baby is born you'll get your footing and you can make some decisions. We're here for you... we're all here for eachother... |
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